


Will You Take Me Home?

by ElleNoak



Category: Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Alec is the best gay friend ever, Bonding, Clary actually tries to be a good friend...finally, F/M, M/M, Mates, Raphael is hurt, Saphael, a little bit of angst, and Magnus is the best bi mentor ever, camille is a bitch, every Downworlder has a mate, lily is precious, simon is hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:12:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElleNoak/pseuds/ElleNoak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The war between Valentine and the Shadow World is over. Now Simon has to pick up what remains of his life and his heart and try to keep going.<br/>That's it, until Magnus calls him saying that Raphael's hurt and needs him. What if in his pained haze Raphael lost control and marked Simon as his own?</p><p>Set after ep 1x13.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Would you take the wheel if I lose control?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys!  
> This is my first story ever, and I'm kinda nervous about it! Hope you'll like it!  
> English is not my first language, so it'd be cool if you could point out all the mistakes I didn't notice :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war between Valentine and the Shadow World is over. Now Simon has to pick up what remains of his life and his heart and try to keep going.  
> That's it, until Magnus calls him saying that Raphael's hurt and needs him. What if in his pained haze Raphael lost control and marked Simon as his own?
> 
> Set after ep 1x13.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys!  
> This is my first story ever, and I'm kinda nervous about it! Hope you'll like it!  
> English is not my first language, so it'd be cool if you could point out all the mistakes I didn't notice :D

 

 

> _Wrapped up, so consumed by all this hurt_  
>  _If you ask me, don't know where to start_  
>  _Anger, love, confusion_  
>  _Roads that go nowhere_  
>  _I know that somewhere better_  
>  _'Cause you always take me there_

_Take Me Home, by Jess Glynne_

 

*******

 

The war was finally over. Valentine had been defeated, the Mortal Cup was in safe hands, Jace had returned to the Institute and Jocelyn was awake once again.

Everything was perfect. Even if, actually, it wasn't.

It'd been a year since Simon had betrayed the New York Vampire Clan, and there wasn't day he didn't ask himself how things would have changed if he'd done something different.

He didn't regret his choice, he did what he had to save Jocelyn, and knew that at the time he didn't have any other choice. She was like a second mom to him, she had seen him grow up along with her daughter, and he couldn't stand the thought of never see her again, not now that he couldn't even see his own family.

He didn't regret it, but still, he couldn't stop wondering what would have happened if he'd stayed at the Hotel. Maybe, with a little more time, he would've find a way that wouldn't had forced him to betray the vampires, to leave what he was starting to consider home, and to stay away from the only person that had made him reconsider his feelings for Clary.

He didn't regret it, but every time he saw his best friend he couldn't stop feeling some frustration and dissatisfaction crawl inside him. He'd given up everything for her and now, even if he was happy that everyone was safe, he couldn't help but be jealous of her: she got her mother and the boy she loved back, she had friends and a place to live where she could feel safe and at home. And what about him? After his sacrifice he got nothing and instead lost everything . He didn't have a place to go, he still had troubles controlling his murderous instincts and it was a problem to find the blood he needed to feed and subdue his bloodlust. But honestly, what hurt the most was to be away from Raphael. The distance felt like a dagger stuck in his chest, and he didn't know if he would ever get rid of it. He'd been in love with Clary all his life, he thought he knew what love was, but he was wrong, and he realized what were his true feelings when it was too late.

Now, he just wanted to see him one last time.

He was trying but he couldn't stop thinking about him, and despite all his efforts he couldn't forget his expression, that "I'm disappointed in you" and the betrayal he read in his dark eyes. Just remember that moment broke his heart over and over again. It was a wound that time wouldn't heal, that kept bleeding and hurting and making him wish he was dead, and this time for real, without coming back.

After the war, after the vampires had helped them during the last battle, he had hoped that their relationship could be fixed, and maybe this time it'd not be just friendship. Simon had tried to apologize to Raphael and the rest of the Clan, but the moment he'd stepped into the DuMort he'd been attacked by a small group of vamps. He survived just because Clary and Izzy realized what were his intentions and rescued him, even if he really didn't want to be saved: if he couldn't go back home, then at least he'd face the punishment he deserved. Unfortunately, Clary was worried sick about him and wouldn't take her eyes off him.

Now, alone in his cold, dark room, lying on the bed and hugging his pillow, Simon could not stop crying while whispering _his_ name: the name of his mentor, the name of his frenemy, the name of his leader.

And only now, after he had lost him, he knew that it was also the name of his mate.

_Raphael._

 

*******

 

Clary was worried, and she didn't know what to do.

When Valentine was still around threatening all the Shadow World, she believed that after having dealt with him everything would be perfect once again, but she was _so_ wrong.

Luke and her mother were fine, they had found out that Jace wasn't actually her brother and now they were dating, and things were good for Isabelle and Alec too, especially after they finally started dating who they were in love with, Meliorn and Magnus.

Everything seemed perfect, but it wasn't. She had a problem, she couldn't be happy if Simon wasn't happy, and she didn't know where to start to help her friend.

After he chose them over the vampires it was obvious that Simon was sad and felt guilty even if he still tried to keep going like it hadn't touched him; Clary knew him too well to fell for his act. But after his attempt to apologize to the Clan two weeks ago....he just got worse and worse. He didn't feed like he should, he didn't want to get out of his room, he didn't want to talk to anybody, and he kept crying. She could swear that once she heard him whisper Raphael's name, even if that was impossible.

Clary sighed again and flopped down on her bed, trying to figure out what was happening to her best friend.

"What are you thinking about?"

Clary jumped a little, startled by the sudden sound.

"You could at least knock..." she complained as she sat up.

Jace just smirked and leaned against the doorframe. "That wouldn't be fun."

Not really in the mood to play along, she groaned and laid down again.

"I'm worried about Simon...there's something wrong with him, and I don't know what it is."

The blond blinked quickly, taken aback, then frowned and approached her, sitting down on the edge of the mattress.

"It's been a long year for everyone," He said reaching out to take her hand "He probably just needs some time to adjust."

"I don't know..." she turned to look at her boyfriend "We're all tired, a war is never easy, and we still have a lot of things to fix up after all that fighting, but I'm sure there's something more, I feel it."

He squeezed her hand to help her calm a little "You're overreacting."

She scowled at him and sat up again "Overreacting?" she looked at him, incredulous "My best friend is not eating, or talking, keeps crying for no reason, I'm pretty sure the last time he left his room was two weeks ago, and you think I'm overreacting? Really Jace?!"

She stood up and started pacing the room. "I thought it had to do with being a vampire and all that stuff, but he seemed fine before the fight at the DuMort. He was sad, sure, but nothing like this!"

"Wait a moment." Jace frowned again, confused "Fight at the DuMort? What are you talking about?"

Clary stopped in front of him and raised an eyebrow "Uh? Didn't I tell you? Well, after the vampires helped us defeat Valentine, Simon tried to fix our alliance with them, but it didn't go very well. Izzy and I had to drag him out of there before they could kill him."

Jace stood up, clearly angry "You went alone to face the vamps?! Have you lost your mind?!"

The redhead seemed unfazed by his outburst "I wasn't alone, and I sure as hell didn't have time to call for any backup."

Jace opened his mouth, ready to protest, but stopped when he remembered what Clary said.

"Simon got like this _after_ seeing the vampires?"

"Yes. So what about it?" she asked without understanding what the boy was getting at.

"Maybe one of the vampires that attacked him was his mate, and he got rejected."

"Don't be ridiculous. People do not have mates."

"He's not a normal person, is he? I'm not sure how that works, but relationships are different for Downworlders. From what I got, when they find their mates they just want to stay with them forever and ever."

Clary was confused. "And you know this because...?"

Jace grimaced, looking away for a moment. "Alec and Izzy...they like to keep me updated about their happy-happy love lives." he said clearly not pleased about that.

Only then Clary realized that the Lightwood' siblings were actually dating Downworlders. It was pretty odd that she didn't noticed it sooner but, to be honest, she was still struggling with the idea that Simon was one of them now.

"Ok, let's say that this is the case," she said after a couple of seconds "isn't it a little too much for an unrequited love?"

"It's not so easy."

Clary's head jerked towards the door, where Isabelle was standing looking at them with mild curiosity. "What's your problem? Don't you know how to knock?" she complained with an irritated huff.

"I kind of overheard your discussion, well, at least part of it." Isabelle ignored Clary's complains and walked in "I can tell you everything I know about this mates' stuff."

"And that's my clue to get out of here."

Jace briefly kissed his girlfriend and then fled the room. Izzy chuckled and sat down on the bed, waiting for Clary to do the same.

"So...what's exactly a mate?"

"It's your partner, like a boyfriend, but with a lot more attraction and commitment. When a downworlder finds its mate, there's not turning back. It's for life, until one of them dies, and sometimes even after that."

"How that works? You meet someone and you fall in love at first sight?"

"Downworlders fall in love like Shadowhunters and Mundanes. But when they find their mate they just _click_. Even if there's not love right away, they feel attracted to each other and everyone else stops existing. They _need_ to be together, it can physically hurt to stay separated. And if love blooms, then they bond with their partner."

"Bond? Like...physically?"

Isabelle laughed, shaking her head "It doesn't have anything to do with sex. You can say that a bond is a connection between two hearts. When the bond is strong enough, mates can even share their feelings."

"Did you...er...bond with Meliorn?"

"Nope, and I don't think we will anytime soon. It's like a marriage, and even if he says that I'm his mate, we're not ready for a step so important. And it's not so easy to form a bond. There are rituals and ceremonies, everything needs to be perfectly done, and the feelings should be mutual and really, really strong."

Clary stayed quiet for a moment, attempting to digest all that information, but even if she was trying her mind just didn't want to cooperate.

"Jace thinks that Simon is so depressed because his mate rejected him." Clary tilted her head, furrowing her brow "Is that possible?"

"Yeah, when you're rejected by your mate it feels like any happiness is ripped away from you, or something like that. And it's not only Jace that thinks that, Meliorn said the same." When she saw Clary's confusion she smiled "You're not the only one who worries for Simon. So I asked my wonderful boyfriend who happens to know a lot of things if he could give me a hint."

Clary sighed and started playing with a lock of her hair.

"Honestly, I don't care about all this mates thing; it seems complicated, and I'm not understanding any of it. I just want to know if there's something I can do for Simon."

Izzy shook her head. "He needs to accept that he can't stay with the person he desires the most. It takes time."

The redhead ran her hands over her face. "So I can't do anything..." She held back her tears: knowing that her best friend was suffering and that she couldn't do anything about it was more than she could stand. "He sacrificed a lot for me, for my mother, and now I can't even repay him...it's unfair..."

Isabelle hugged her. "You'll see, he'll be up and kicking sooner than you think, and then he'll find someone else to cherish and love."

 

*******

 

When Simon opened his eyes it took him a moment to understand what had woken him up. Then he heard his phone's ringtone and groaned.

 _'Fuck, I can't even mope in peace'_ He complained reaching out to grab the damn thing. He didn't recognized the number, so he put it down and decided to sleep some more.

He was still trying to relax when it started again. And it kept ringing and ringing even if Simon was ignoring it. It took him six minutes to lose his patience and turn it off.

With the room finally quiet, he relaxed and was about to fall asleep when a sudden purple light lit up the room.

"Who the hell..?!" He pulled aside the covers, ready to yell to whoever decided it'd be a good idea to bother him, but every complain died in his throat when he saw Magnus Bane stand in front of a portal.

"You should really answer your phone when somebody is calling you, Sheldon. Now get up, we have things to do."

Simon was too shocked and kept staring at the warlock without saying a word. ' _What the hell is he doing here?'_

Understanding that the vampire wouldn't move anytime soon, Magnus frowned.

"I don't have time to waste Samuel! This is about Raphael!"

And just with that Simon was out of the bed and running through the portal without questioning anything.

When he got to the other side he found himself in Magnus' apartment. Alec was there, and when he saw him he raised an eyebrow.

"Why are you half-naked?" he deadpanned.

Only then Simon realized he was shirtless and wearing just some sweatpants. "Um, I didn't have time to get dressed?" he said, and it sounded more like a question than an answer.

The shadowhunter rolled his eyed and turned to look at Magnus, who was closing the portal.

"Is...Raphael ok?" Simon asked, fearing the answer. He was sure that Raphael didn't want to see him and that he pretty much wanted him dead, so if Magnus brought him there something was clearly off.

"Of course he's not ok, stupid fledgling."

Simon jerked away from that venomous voice, already knowing who it belonged to.

_Lily. I missed her so much._

"You really thing you'd be here if it wasn't absolutely necessary? And even if Raph is calling for _you_ , I still think that I should kill you before letting you go anywhere near him."

Simon looked at her with wide eyes, _Raphael was asking for him?_ but he couldn't ask any detail because Magnus interjected.

"I'd really apreciate if you'd refrain yourself from killing anybody in my house. You're as much as a guest as Sampton, and do I have to remind you that we have more pressing matters to take care of?"

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, but didn't add anything.

"Can someone tell me what the hell is going on? _Please?"_

Magnus sighed and pointed at one of the doors. "Raphael's in there, badly hurt and poisoned by some kind of demon or whatever."

"Why aren't you helping him?!"

"I _tried_." Magnus narrowed his glowing eyes "But he..."

Lily let out an annoyed huff interrupting the warlock. "He lost it. Right now he's like a feral animal, ready to tear and rip whoever gets too close. Bane had to put a barrier around the room to keep him locked."

"But," Magnus interjected "he's saying your name. Maybe you can help calm him down enough for me to check his wounds and take a sample of the poison to prepare an antidote. It'll be dangerous but if we don't do something immediately he'll die."

Simon turned to look at the door: his mate was so close, was hurt and needed him, there was not a choice to make.

"What do I have to do? Talk to him?"

For the first time since the beginning of the explanation Alec spoke up. "This is a gamble," he said looking straight into the fledgling's eyes, seeming a little concerned "For what we know he could just kill you the moment you step inside."

"I don't care, I have to try."

"Then go ahead." Magnus said tightening his jaw "I'll open a gap in the barrier, but be conscious that I'll have to close it right away and then you'll be on your own."

Simon walked towards the room but when he reached for the handle Lily stopped him.

"You're a traitor and I don't trust you, but if you save him....maybe I won't kill you."

Simon smiled and when he heard Magnus snap his fingers he opened the door and went in.

His eyes got easily adjusted to the dark. He knew that his heart would be beating furiously if it still could. He was nervous, scared, and for he first time since forever he was speechless.

He saw Raphael's black and empty eyes shone in the dark room, and next thing he knew, he was being slammed onto the floor, Raphael snarling on top of him. He whimpered in pain and his fangs dropped down without being able to control them.

"Raphael" he whispered "I'm sorry...I..." Raphael pressed an arm against his throat. Simon gasped, trying to breath even if he didn't need to.

A single bloody tear slide on his cheek. " _Rafa_..." and apparently that was the wrong thing to say because Raphael hissed and yanked his hair forcing him to tilt back his head. And then he bit his neck.

Simon cried out but didn't try to fight back. He closed his eyes and clutched with trembling fingers his mate's broad shoulders, ready to face whatever would happen.

 

*******

 

Raphael didn't know what was happening to him. Everything hurt, he couldn't figure out where he was, he was angry, hungry, thristy, confused, and that wasn't even the worst part.

There was something he was craving but he couldn't picture exactly what it was. His desire was overwhelming, it set fire to every single drop of blood in his body, clouding his mind and senses and driving him crazy little by little.

_What is it?_

He growled and hissed, throwing himself against the walls in an attempt to find a way out.

_I want it._

He remembered someone coming in his room but they smelled wrong, they weren't what he wanted so he attacked and chased them away.

_I NEED it._

He lost track of time. He didn't know how many minutes or hours he spent pacing angrily in the dark, just waiting for something to happen. He knew he was talking, saying something, but he couldn't even understand his own voice.

And then _it_ finally came to him. The moment the door opened and the guy stepped inside he knew he was what he was yearning for.

_My Mate._

He jumped on him and stared at him, taking in every little detail of his face. A part of his mind told him that he already knew this vampire, but he was too far gone to think straight.

And then _he_ said his name.

 _"Rafa"_.

Raphael sank his fangs on his tender neck, drinking greedily his sweet-scented blood and the boy surrended without putting up a fight.

_So good...perfect..._

He put his mark on him, claiming what he wanted, what was _his_.

He licked the wound clean, watching how it closed slowly, knowing that his poison would keep flowing in his mate's body, screaming to every Downworlder that this cute, little baby was already taken.

He smirked against his neck and then left a trail of little kisses from there up to his mouth. He bit gently his lower lip, and then kissed him fiercely, drinking up his little gasp of surprise.

 _Mine_.

 

 

 


	2. My Heart Is Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael kissed Simon. What will the fledgling do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! I'm speechless! You have no idea how much I love you all right now! 100 kudos, more than 1000 hits, and 70 subcriptions! <3 Thank you for the lovely comments too! They made my day *.* I'm really happy you liked the first chapter, and I hope you'll like this one too ^o^
> 
> P.S. just wondering....am I the only one who wants Saphael to be like Clexa? If they make it canon I wouldn't even complain (I would, but whatever) if they'd kill Raphael off.....

 

> _I can't go on living this way_  
>  _But I can't go back the way I came_  
>  _Chained to this fear that I will never find_  
>  _A way to heal my soul_  
>  _And I will wander 'til the end of time_  
>  _Half alive without you_
> 
>  

_My Heart Is Broken, by Evanescence_

 

*******

 

Simon couldn't understand what was going on anymore. One moment Raphael was biting and mauling, ready to rip his throat out, and the next he was crashing their lips together, swallowing his surprised gasp.

It wasn't a gentle kiss, it was rough and bloody, all fangs and tongues, and so fierce that Simon wondered if the other was trying to suck his soul out. Raphael's lips were cold, full and surprisingly soft, and he didn't want to stop, he _needed him_ , so he kissed back, uncertain and without knowing exactly what he was doing.

He felt Raphael's fingers ran through his hair and moaned into the kiss, trying desperately to cling to what little self-control and restrain he had left.

He knew they had no time for that right now, not with Raphael bleeding all over him, but he just couldn't resist. Maybe it was the pain, maybe it was the poison, but whatever was the reason didn't change that Raphael was kissing him with lust and devotion, as though Simon was everything he ever wanted, as though his entire world started and ended in Simon's lips. And despite the situation the fledgling allowed himself to get lost in the moment, deluding himself with the idea that the kiss was for him and not just an unexpected and weird outcome of the vampire's haze.

It was a huge mistake, but it felt so right. At last he was home, he was complete. With his mate's proximity everything else disappeared, no longer important. He forgot all the pain, the fear, the guilt, nothing mattered but them. For the first time in more than a year Simon felt at ease, in peace, as if from now on nothing could hurt him anymore. It was perfect and he wanted to wallow in that bubble of safety and bliss 'til the end of time.

And then Raphael groaned on his lips and tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants.

Reality fell down on Simon like a bucked of ice-cold water. Suddenly he was very aware of Raphael's body over his own, how close their hips were, how his hands kept trying to take his pants off, and he really could not ignore that suspicious hardness pressed against his thigh.

_Oh shit, this is getting out of hand!_

If something like this had happened before what he dubbed "lets-fuck-up-my-unlife-and-break-Camille-out-of-prison-Operation” he would've been one hundred percent okay with the development -or maybe not, at the time he had yet to realize his feelings and didn't like Raphael that much, but _still_ – right now they needed to take care of Raphael's wounds if they wanted to keep the Clan Leader around for a couple more centuries, and he was pretty sure that sex was by no means a cure-all for that.

The riskiness of the situation finally hit him, and Simon started panicking.

 _Shitshitshit like this Raphael is gonna die!_ How much blood had he already lost? And why the hell wasn't he healing?! They couldn't wait any longer. They needed Magnus's help, and they needed it at once.

Simon placed his hand on the other's firm chest and tried to push him away, praying the elder vampire would not resist, knowing by experience that he was way much stronger - he wouldn't forget anytime soon those hours spent training that always left him bruised and sore.

For a terrifying instant Raphael didn't budge and groaned deep in his throat, annoyed by the interruption, but surprisingly enough he pulled back right away, finally parting their lips. Simon couldn't hep but think that if he could kiss his mate for as long as he wanted without ever needing oxygen, then being dead wasn't so bad after all. _Perks of being a vampire, I guess._

Simon kept shoving the darkhaired vampire until he didn't have enough room to slip back and put some distance between them. Raphael didn't seem pleased with his behavior but didn't try to stop him so Simon counted it as a victory.

For the first time since he walked into the room he could examine carefully Raphael's state. The first thing he noted was that Magnus was right: he was hurt, _badly_. His suit was torn in several places, the shirt had lost almost all its buttons and Simon didn't have any idea how that was even possible but he was going around barefooted. But honestly he couldn't care less about the clothes when anywhere he looked at he could see a bleeding wound. His chest, his arms, his legs, _fuck_ , he had blood in his hair too! How could he even stand in those conditions?

"Oh my g_" he choked on the word, feeling it burn down his throat "What happened to you?" he asked in a whisper.

Raphael didn't answer and Simon tried again.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Again his only answer was a blank stare. And that wasn't scary, not at all, because if Raphael couldn't even understand him what the hell was he supposed to do?!

"Raphael..." he muttered, and that seemed to stir the other's interest because he smirked and stood up.

 _Well, at least he understands his own name. That's something._ And then the fledgling noticed that Raphael was getting closer, one slow, calculated step at a time.

Simon scrambled quickly to his feet, looking frantically for a way to keep him away, but before he could even blink the elder vampire was already in front of him, invading his personal space without any respect. Then he was pressed against the wall, trapped between the hard surface and Raphael's body.

"Would you stop that?!" he shrieked trying to avoid another kiss. "This is _so_ wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start!" He shoved him again and Raphael raised both eyebrows in a gigantic unimpressed expression, and it was really hard for Simon to resist the temptation to roll his eyes.

Probably understanding that Simon didn't want to be kissed again Raphael changed approach: he got as close as possible until they were chest to chest, then put his hands on the fledgling' hips and laid his head on his bare shoulder, breathing in his scent.

"This is awkward, you should stop, like right now." but Simon didn't try to push him away "You don't know it yet, but let me tell you that you hate me, you want me dead, and you'll probably kill me with your own hands when you'll find out about this. And that's totally unfair, because I didn't ask to be kissed, so you should get angry at yourself." Raphael made a satisfied sound in his throat, something like a purr, and Simon stiffened. _What the hell?! He likes my voice?!_

"Okay, so now I'm really, _really_ confused, because normal people usually don't make out with someone they want to turn into a little pile of ashes." He knew he was rambling, he did that a lot when he was nervous, and a bloody and cuddly Raphael made him nervous, so he couldn't stop. _Not my fault, really._

"And it's not like I'm complaining or anything because, have you seen yourself? You're freaking hot! I'd make out with you all the time, seriously! But right now is not really a good time, you know, with all the blood and dirt and this life-or-death situation, and lets not forget about the betrayal and stuff."

Simon kept blabbing, feeling how Raphael's body relaxed more and more with every word. Only when he was sure that the vampire wouldn't complain he slipped away from his now loose grip. Raphael didn't take his eyes off him but didn't try to stop him; instead he sat down, his back against the wall.

Taking small steps and trying to avoid sudden movements, Simon walked towards the door, focusing his enhance hearing on what was happening outside.

"Lily? Do you hear me?" An annoyed huff was what he got as an answer.

"You don't get to call me by my name, traitor."

The fledgling tried to ignore the stab of pain he felt at those words, and decided to focus on something far more important. "Raphael calmed down. Now Magnus should really check him up, I think he isn't healing and he's losing _a lot_ of blood."

"But that's not a problem, is it? He got you to fill him up again."

 _Oh fuck. Lily heard everything._ Luckily he couldn't blush as much as a mundane, so instead of burning bright red he just flushed faintly. Fortunately for him Magnus seemed to understand what was going on and saved him from his embarrassment.

"Get ready Sherlock, I'm shutting the barrier down."

Simon took a deep breath and turned to look at Raphael. "Now we're gonna fix you up." he tried to smile even if his concern was almost overwhelming "Be a good vampire and don't bite."

He was worried sick and was still afraid for Raphael's life, but now that the vampire was calmer the warlock would work his magic and put him back on his feet.

_Raphael is going to be okay._

It didn't matter that that evening would've change nothing. Raphael would still hate him, he'll have to go back to the Institute and try to forget his mate, the feeling of Raphael's lips against his, forget how he'd felt safe and whole wrapped up in his strong arms.

But Raphael would be okay, and Simon would knew that he did what he had to help his mate, and he couldn't ask for more.

He heard Magnus's steps get closer to the door and he released a breath he didn't need and didn't know he was holding.

Finally everything was going smoothly.

Until it really, really wasn't.

_Well, fuck. I didn't consider his reaction._

 

*******

 

Lily had known Raphael for over forty years. She had been loyal to him since the beginning, even when the Clan was still under Camille's dictatorship. She'd known right away that someday he would've become the new Leader and would be the best one they could ask for: Raphael was strong, clever and decisive, a man of his word and with a way to influence and win the trust of the people, and most important of all he cared about the wellbeing of the Clan as nobody else. Like most of their family's members, she'd follow him straight to hell if he'd ask.

Lily was one of the few people that the Clan Leader had let inside his guarded heart, one of his closest friends. No one knew him as well she did (except, maybe, for Magnus Bane), and she took pride in the knowledge that she could understand him just by looking. Most thought that Raphael's face didn't give away any real emotion, but she knew that wasn't the case: Raphael had a commendable poker face, she gave him that, but anyone just had to observe carefully to see how his brow furrowed slightly when he was focused or worried, how the corners of his mouth twitched when he was angry and ready to bare his fangs, how his eyes gleamed when he was amused.

Or how a tiny, almost imperceptible smile curved his lips when the fledgling was around.

Lily was very observant and knew what to look for, so she'd known since day one that their newest member had picked Raphael's interest. He was extremely protective of the fledgling even if he wasn't his sire, he took upon himself the duty to train him even if he already had too many things to do and there were other suitable vampires for the job, he made sure that the baby was well fed and had anything he could need. And he became moody and insufferable when the idiot chose to hang out with that annoying redheaded Shadowhunter.

She had know right away but she didn't understand _why him_. Raphael had never showed such interest for anyone else, so what was so special about Simon?

The fledgling was annoying, talked far too much and wouldn't follow orders because, apparently, he was way above that. He was just a nuisance for the Clan, and he also came with a bunch of odious Shadowhunters, and that really didn't work in his favor.

Of course she felt sorry for him – he'd been killed and Turned against his will, after all – but she just couldn't get why this noisy baby that refused to learn how to be a vampire could be so important for their boss.

Then she did befriend him, and everything made a little more sense.

Simon was refreshing, still so mundane and human, so dynamic and amusing, and she couldn't deny that he brought some lightness and joy into the gloomy Hotel. It's not like they didn't have fun before him – they really liked to go around and party hard, they were vampires, for God's sake! – but with Simon it was different in a way she couldn't describe. Despite everything he did his best to be brave and not give in to despair, he was full of life and glee even if everyone knew that he cried himself to sleep calling his mother and sister. He won them over and they accepted him without hesitations.

After getting to know him, she understood why Raphael had fallen for such a nerdy, loud, adorable fledgling. They were the other's half: where the elder was serious and commanding, the baby was light-hearted laughs and mouthy retorts, one was politics and cold facades and the other impulsive choices and bright smiles. They completed each other and Lily thought they were meant to be together.

She always believed that Raphael was too lonely and needed somebody by his side who would support him and share the weight of eternity with him. And when Simon became one of them she thought that finally his friend would be happy. Only after a couple days, only after witnessing how those two interacted around each other she understood that Simon wasn't just a good match for Raphael, he was _exactly_ what he wanted, what he needed: his mate.

She'd been thrilled when she figured it out, and she'd tried uselessly to persuade Raphael to act according to his feelings and to push Simon between the leader's arms. And everything was going for the best until that idiot didn't choose the Shadowhunters over the Clan. Over Raphael.

Saying that Simon's betrayal hurt Raphael would be an understatement; it was like all happiness and light had been ripped out from his very being, leaving behind an empty shell.

Then the war begun, and nobody had time to think about Simon or Raphael or Camille or whatever, not when every Downworlder was fighting for his life. And when Valentine's Shadowhunters killed five members of their family, it was obvious that the Leader would finally side with the Institute and the Clave, and everyone agreed with him: they wanted revenge for the vampires, and they were thirsting for the enemy's blood.

It'd been a long and arduous year and when they eventually battled alongside Shadowhunters, Werewolves and Faeries, they knew that would be the end, one way or another.

Then that stupid fledgling had tried to apologize when Raphael wasn't around, risking his life for nothing.

And, as if everything that had happened wasn't enough, now that Valentine had been dealt with the bitch was back, trying to retrieve the Clan.

It didn't surprise her that Camille's underlings had attacked Raphael, but Lily was still confused: which was the purpose of making Raphael lose control? She didn't know what Camille was planning, but if Raphael was in those conditions it couldn't be anything good. They had been lucky that their Leader hadn't assaulted any mundane in his haze; after waking up he just started running, attacking only when someone got too close. She'd hoped that Magnus would've help him, but it seemed only Simon would be allowed to go near him and pave the way for the warlock. When the fledgling had gone into the room she'd been worried that Raphael would attack him, and she had to remind herself that he wasn't their baby anymore, he betrayed them, she would _not_ care about him. However, it seemed that her worries weren't necessary.

Lily couldn't help but chuckle while looking out the window.

_That surely is an unexpected way to calm him down._

She knew what was happening in the room, could smell the blood, could hear the groans and moans, and it was like she could feel her boss' desire. Nonetheless, she could also sense Simon's uncertainty and fear, and she hoped that this weird haze wasn't strong enough to erase Raphael's morals and make him force himself on an unwilling partner. Once again, her concern was unnecessary.

_I suppose there's no poison in this world that will force Raphael to hurt his baby._

She listened to Simon's rambling speech, trying not to laugh, and she huffed when he talked directly to her.

"Lily? Do you hear me?"

"You don't get to call me by my name, traitor." and what a lie that was. Because she couldn't hate Raphael's mate, because he would always be their impossibly cute baby-vamp, because despite everything she still loved him.

"Raphael calmed down. Now Magnus should really check him up, I think he isn't healing and he's losing _a lot_ of blood."

She tried to ignore how his voice trembled, how pained he sounded, and instead teased him.

"But that's not a problem, is it? He got you to fill him up again."

Bane looked at her and raised a questioning eyebrow. She simply pointed towards the room.

"Get ready Sherlock, I'm shutting the barrier down."

When they opened the door everything seemed fine. Simon was fidgeting in place and kept glancing at the other as to make sure that he hadn't moved, and Raphael was sitting, alert but relaxed, eyes fixed on the fledgling.

Then Magnus stepped forward and Lily had barely the time to shove him aside before Raphael struck. He grabbed her wrist and threw her against the wall. When she hit the hard surface she heard an unpleasant _snap_ and the pain coming from her back clouded her sight for a couple of seconds.

_Damn you boss, I'm trying to help._

While she tried to get up she heard Simon screaming and the Shadowhunter cursing.

"Magnus! Knock him out!"

"I can't use any magic on him, things could get worse!"

"Worse?! Are you kidding me!? He'll kill us!"

"Just another minute!"

When her surroundings stopped spinning around her she saw that somehow Simon and Alexander had pinned Raphael on the floor, while the warlock tried to take a sample of his blood. Without overthinking it Lily launched herself at Raphael, helping the other two to keep him down. Now that she was close she understood why they were able to block him: Simon was practically straddling Raphael's hips, and to get free he should have to toss the fledgling away, and that would definitely hurt him.

_My, my, Raph, aren't you the gentleman._

"This isn't how you wanted to ride him, is it?" she said through gritted teeth, her fangs pinching her lower lip.

Simon laughed hysterically but didn't answer, too busy holding Raphael's arms down. Alec, however, groaned and gave her a dirty look even if he was struggling to keep his grasp on the vampire's legs.

"Done!" Magnus jumped on his feet and grabbed his boy-toy before fleeing the room.

"Lily, go! I'll handle this!"

For an instant every muscle in her body refused to obey, she couldn't leave their baby in that terrible situation, but then Raphael roared angrily and she decided that, after all, Simon would be fine on his own.

"Be careful baby" she added before shutting the door behind her.

"Well, that was awful."

She rolled her eyes at Magnus and then crossed her arms. "Get to work warlock."

 

*******

 

Simon was laying on the ground with Raphael's arms wrapped up around him, and he didn't even try to fight it, he was too tired to move.

After Magnus, Alec and Lily's intervention the elder vampire hadn't left him for a moment, probably worried that something like that would happen again.

He wasn't aware of the passing time and he may have dozed off a little, because it startled him when Magnus talked to him through the door.

"Seymour, the antidote is ready." as he spoke a small vial appeared in Simon's hand "Make sure he drinks it. And don't freak out if he falls asleep."

Simon sat up and looked at the honey-colored liquid, wondering how the hell would he convince Raphael to drink that thing. He glanced at the vampire and when he saw how he was staring at the glowing potion with obvious distrust he sighed defeated.

_I must have lost my mind..._

And before he could change idea he poured the content in his mouth and quickly turned towards the other.

_I do really hope this doesn't have any side effect._

And then he kissed Raphael, forcing him to swallow the bitter liquid. Two seconds later Raphael passed out and Simon sighed again.

_I'm so dead._

When he finally came out of the room after what seemed an entire day, only Lily was there.

"So...are you going to kill me now?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I should. After all it's your fault if Raphael got hurt."

"What are you talking about?" said Simon furrowing lightly his brow.

"Camille did this. This wouldn't have happened if you didn't help her escape."

"I didn't know she-"

Lily hissed and interrupted him. "You didn't know WHAT? Raphael overthrew her, of course she would try to take the Clan back! You can't be so stupid! And you not only betrayed us, you signed off Raphael's death penalty along that damned contract!"

The fledgling flinched at those words as if they had physically hurt him. "You can't think I wanted this to happen, I would never.-"

"You chose the Shadowhunters, you didn't even try to apologize. It wouldn't surprise me if you worked with Camille too."

And _that_ set him on fire because _hell no_ he loved the Clan, he would never sell them out.

"I tried to apologize, okay!?" he yelled, suddenly a few inches away from Lily's startled face "I called Raphael a thousands times! I probably broke his phone with all the messages I sent! And I'm not saying you should forgive me, because _hell!_ I wouldn't forgive me either!"

It was like a wall had been teared down, and he couldn't stop talking, he needed to take it out his system. He started pacing, running his hands through his hair over and over again.

"I know I fucked up, I had the best family I could ask for and I threw it all out the window because I'm a fucking idiot! I didn't think about the consequences and I messed up real bad! And I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I don't even know how to beg for your forgiveness! And I know you hate me, I deserve all your anger and hatred, but don't you _dare_ to say that I work with that bitch because that' a filthy lie!"

Simon stopped in the middle of the lounge, gasping for a breath he didn't need. "I never wanted any of this..." his voice broke and only then he noticed the bloody tears sliding on his cheeks "I'd rather die than hurt my mate like this..."

Silence fell heavy between them. He didn't have the courage to look at Lily; he wouldn't be able to stand the hate and fury he would see in her eyes.

"...your mate?"

Simon's head jerked towards her, eyes wide and panicked.

_Oh fuck._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was the second chapter! Honestly, I don't like how it turned out, the story wasn't supposed to evolve like this, but I couldn't change it, and I tried, trust me xD don't be shy and leave a tiny little comment ^_- and don't be afraid to point out any mistake you see! I'm still trying to improve my english!
> 
> Kisses and hugs for everyone! <3


	3. And it's no secret that the both of us are running out of time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon screwed up, again. He should really learn to keep his mouth shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg! OMG! I just can't find the words to thank you all for your support! This means the world to me <3  
> I really, really hope you'll like this chapter! I made it a little longer just for you ^_-

 

 

> _Hello from the other side_  
>  _I must have called a thousand times_  
>  _To tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done_  
>  _But when I call you never seem to be home_
> 
> _Hello, by Adele_

 

*******

 

Simon knew he should had put more effort into his training when he had the chance. He firstly realized it during the war, when Clary, Isabelle, sometimes even Alec or some other unnamed Shadowhunter had to save - more than once - his sorry ass risking their own lives. Somehow he had miraculously survived the battles, but now that he was facing a raging Lily he was reminded once again that he was not even remotely ready to fight and that, in fact, he was totally unprepared.

He didn't have any time to deny his words before Lily had her hand squeezed around his throat and was lifting him off the floor; if he wasn't so terrified he'd probably be impressed by her speed and strength, but he was indeed scared shitless and his only coherent thought was _Oh my G- I'm gonna die!_

"Try saying that again." Lily hissed around her bared fangs, her words venomous and dreadful, and Simon couldn't miss the threat behind them. She hissed again, her eyes blazing with a wrath so deep that made them seem darker, and any doubt he may had about why she was the second-in-command disappeared completely. He had seen many angry vampires, had seen them fight for their lives during the last battle and the show had been frightening to say the least, but honestly all that was nothing if compared to the snarling girl before him.

"Lily, I didn-"

It seemed she didn't want to listen since she growled angrily once again and then threw him against a nearby bookcase. He landed on it and a pained whine escaped him when his back knocked into the hard wood. A couple of books fell on him, bruising his pale skin, but he didn't notice them, too busy trying to sit up and get ready for the next attack - he didn't have time to worry about some small bruise that was already healing when it was obvious that Lily was furious and pretty much prepared to kill him.

"HOW COULD YOU?" she barked out, and Simon could swear that despite her anger she was close to crying, and that didn't make sense, because she was trying to kill him.

"I can explain!"

"SHUT UP!"

Lily lunged forward and Simon got ready to withstand the assault, possibly without dying in the process. He avoided the first punch but he couldn't stop the second attack, and since he didn't want to hurt her he had to let her press him against the wall and sink her claws in his bicep.

Simon groaned but he knew that most likely that would be the only chance he'd get to explain himself so, taking advantage of their closeness and trying to ignore the pain coming from his arm, he grabbed her wrists and tried to immobilized her.

"I didn't know he was my mate! I swear! If I'd know-"

"Why should I believe you?! You're a traitor! You deserve to di-" she stopped mid-sentence and her whole body went rigid; in less than a second all trace of anger was gone from her face, replaced by pure astonishment. "No way..." she whispered shaking her head "It shouldn't be possible...the mark is-"

Simon couldn't find out what she was talking about because an arrow suddenly stuck in the wall they were leaning on, brushing against Lily's ear and narrowly missing his shoulder.

"Let him go."

Both vampires turned towards the voice, seeing Alec standing near the couch, bow in his hands and another arrow ready to be shot.

"I can't let you kill the nerd." he stated dryly "Magnus hates it when blood gets on the furnishings."

Simon couldn't decide if he was happy or not to see the Lightwood boy, especially since he himself didn't seem too happy to be there, protecting a vampire he didn't like. However, seeing how Lily didn't attack again, he supposed he should at least be grateful and appreciate the intervention.

"Step back."

For a moment the fledgling thought that Lily would ignore the threat and carry on with her assassination project but, with an annoyed huff and a death-glare, she let go of him and did as she was told.

"Put your bow down pretty boy," she said narrowing her eyes "and mind your own business. This is between vampires."

Alec opened his mouth to retort and probably tell her to fuck off, but he closed it when their host appeared at his side.

"Well, it becomes _my_ business when you try to kill one of my guests in my house and destroy my lovely furniture in the process." Magnus frowned clearly dissatisfied and then crossed his arms "Is that blood what I see on my boyfriend's photo?"

Simon gulped and tried to disappear into the wall because, honestly, the last thing he needed in his life at the moment was a pissed off warlock. On the bright side, Lily seemed as worried as he was and the Shadowhunter had put down his weapon, even if his stern expression didn't reassured him at all and Simon was quite sure that he'd be ready to kill in the blink of an eye.

Luckily for them Magnus decided that the issue of his mistreated furniture could wait and shook his head before addressing Lily with an annoyed tone.

"So, Lily dear, would you mind explain your vendetta against that poor bookcase?"

 _Asshole_ thought Simon, because really, the warlock seemed more worried about his stupid books than his attempted murder, and that was plain rude even for him. Then the gravity of the situation hit him like a rock and he almost fainted.

_Oh shit!_

His head jerked towards the other vampire, eyes wide and alarmed. _Please, please, please! Don't tell them!_ He didn't know what he'd do if Lily decided to get back at him by spilling his secret. He didn't want them to know that Raphael was his mate, they'd know that Simon was the worst mate anybody could have and that he'd been rightfully rejected. He didn't want Clary's empty words of comfort or anyone's pity, he wouldn't be able to stand it. If he had lost his Clan and his love it was his fault, his decisions had brought him there, and he didn't want or need anybody's compassion. He'd move on and survive this heartbreak on his own.

"He is a traitor and Raphael put out a kill order on him, so I don't really need any other reason, do I?"

Simon didn't miss the side glance she sent his way before replaying, and it almost made him cry again. Even if she was furious and she wanted to kill him just five minutes earlier, it seemed that Lily still cared about him enough to lie for him; it wasn't much, it surely wasn't forgiveness, but it was something, and Simon would be eternally thankful for that.

Extremely relieved that Lily hadn't said anything about the real reason of their discussion, Simon relaxed a bit, happy that he'd avoided that particular disaster. Then he looked at their host and boyfriend and he tensed again. Alec seemed bored by the situation and clearly wanted to be elsewhere but the warlock....the warlock was staring straight at Simon with slit eyes so narrow that seemed almost closed.

Suddenly Simon felt like a bomb was about to explode and blow up everything around him, like the ground was vanishing from under his feet, like Magnus could see right through Lily's lie.

_Oh fuck, he knows! He knows!_

He couldn't breath anymore, it was like all the air in the room had disappeared leaving him there to suffocate, and that was ridiculous since he was already dead and didn't need any oxygen, but even if he was conscious of that he just couldn't push away that choking sensation.

_He knows! He heard everything! What do I do now?!_

Simon didn't know which kind of expression he was wearing or what emotions could be read on his face, but whatever it was, luckily for him, it was enough to persuade the warlock to keep his mouth shut. He sighed relieved when Magnus moved his attention to Lily.

"It'd be better if you went back to the Hotel," he said waving a hand around dismissively "you know, since you can't control your murderous instincts."

"I'm not leaving Raphael's side."

"Your presence here is pointless. Go wait with the Clan." His cat-eyes glowed menacingly and Lily took a step back, evidently surprised and confused by the sudden change in the warlock's behavior.

Simon couldn't understand what was going on, the warlock seemed truly annoyed for no reason, and even Alec was looking at him with a small frown. Lily was about to retort again when another voice interrupted her.

"That won't be necessary. We're leaving together."

The fledgling froze in place while everybody else looked at the Clan Leader.

_Raphael..._

The only thing he wanted in that moment was to turn and look at his mate, make sure that he was okay, that he would recover. But he couldn't look, not when he knew what he'd see on his face. He didn't want to see the hatred, the disappointment, the fury in his eyes. Everything that had happened in the dark room didn't mean anything, because Raphael was back and nothing would change between them. And honestly, he wasn't even sure that the Leader remembered what he'd done in his haze.

"I'm surprise you're already awake." said Bane with a tiny grin on his lips.

Lily, on the other hand, rushed to his side. "Raph! You shouldn't be up!"

The girl put her hands on Raphael's shoulders and Simon almost growled, the jealousy hitting him so powerfully that left him a bit dizzy. He knew he was a jealous person - after Clary had met Jace he had thought about a thousand colorful ways to get rid of him - but it'd never be so strong and overwhelming, like a fire that was eating him from the inside. When he noticed that he was glaring at Lily and his fangs were poking his lower lip, he diverted his eyes and stared at the floor, trying to calm down.

Since he was so busy looking at his bare feet he missed the way Raphael flinched and frowned in confusion before glancing at him for half a second.

"Open a portal, warlock."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "You should stay, we don't know if there's still poison in your body."

"I'm fine. Now, open the portal."

"Raph, I think Bane is right. You need-"

Raphael hissed, fangs bared, and pushed Lily away.

"I don't like to repeat myself."

Magnus sighed and shook his head. "At least let me check you up before you go." seeing how the vampire was about to refuse he added "You could lose control again and hurt the Clan." and when Raphael narrowed his eyes he knew that he had won: Raphael would never risk his family's safety.

"Be quick." he turned around to go back into the room but stopped for a moment to address his vice "Lily, go back to the Hotel, make sure that everyone is alright."

Now that Raphael was turning away the fledgling found the courage to look up. He saw Lily go through the purple light with a scowling expression on her face, and for a moment he wished he could go with her.

Magnus closed the portal and then followed Raphael inside the room.

Simon sighed and leaned on the wall behind him.

_Now what?_

 

*******

 

Raphael had always been proud of his self-control. He wasn't a hundred years old yet and he already had a flawless control over his blood-lust. He knew vampires older than him that couldn't match even remotely his restrain, that envied him because in all his life as an undead he had lost control only once, after his Turning, and he took pride in that knowledge.

So even in his pained, poison-induced haze, he had been conscious that something was wrong with him. Sure, at the moment he couldn't remember where he was or how he got there, but a part of his mind was aware of what was happening to him, of the pain and the bleeding wounds that weren't healing, and he had known right away that he would die if he didn't do something about it. However, even if he was conscious of all that, it seemed his survival instincts had completely shut down, because a larger part of his mind was focused on something else that in that moment was far more important than his life: his mate.

He remembered the overwhelming desire to mark him when he - _Simon_ \- had come into the room. He remembered how much he wanted to fully claim him as his own and how the fledgling's uncertainty had stopped him to do so. He remembered the deep wrath he felt when Magnus, Lily and the Shadowhunter had invaded his den and he'd thought that they were going to take his mate away.

And now that he was once again able to understand what was going on around him, he didn't know what to do with the latest events.

He wasn't stupid and he surely wasn't oblivious to his own feelings, so he had realized that the annoying newest member of the Clan was his mate almost immediately, and had decided to hide and push away his desire for him even if his want grew stronger and stronger every day.

And now that he had the opportunity to taste his sweet blood, to feel his lips against his own, to know how it was to have him underneath him and to touch his skin, he didn't know what to think anymore.

Part of him wanted Simon as he had never desired anything else in his life, but another part wanted to hurt him, punish him for his betrayal, and those mixed feelings were driving him crazy. Everything was a mess and he didn't know how to make it right again.

Raphael shook away those useless thoughts when Magnus followed him into the room and closed the door. He sat on the bed and waited for the warlock to say something; he didn't have to wait much.

"So, what happened to you, exactly?"

"You already know what happened." he huffed with annoyance "Camille ordered to some of her pets to kill me, and honestly I'm surprised that she waited this much."

The warlock approached him, sat beside him and then motioned for him to take off his jacket and shirt. With a sigh Raphael complied - he'd have to throw them away either way, they were torn beyond repair.

"With Valentine around it was easier to let you handle the war. She never liked that kind of situation."

Raphael huffed and said nothing, just looked at Magnus while he checked his closing wounds.

"What happened to me?" he asked after a couple of minutes.

"Whatever poison they injected you, it inhibited your healing capacity and I suppose it made you lose control over your deepest...er...desires."

Raphael sighed again. _That's what I thought..._

"But I still don't understand why they just didn't kill you." Magnus added with a small frown.

"They couldn't." the vampire smirked and showed his sharp fangs "They underestimated me and paid for that. The poison or potion or whatever that was, probably was their plan B."

"They couldn't kill you so they drove you crazy? Doesn't make a lot of sense."

Raphael shrugged. "I suppose Camille was hoping I'd go on a killing rampage and attack the mundanes, then the Nephilim would take care of me and do her dirty job."

Magnus hummed his agreement but said nothing, and once again the silence fell in the room while the warlock kept working his magic and did whatever he was doing to help him recover.

"How much do you remember?"

Raphael tensed a bit even if he knew that question would come sooner or later, and then relaxed again. If it'd been any other person he wouldn't have answered, but this was Magnus Bane, and if he couldn't trust the man that had saved his life then he could trust no one.

"Everything." he admitted without hesitations.

Magnus rolled his eyes. "You should apologize, you know, for trying to kill us."

The vampire chuckled. "Wasn't the first time and won't be the last."

The warlock laughed and pinched his shoulder. Then, quickly as it'd appeared, his easy-going behavior was gone.

"I suppose you're aware that you'd be dead if it wasn't for Salmon."

"Simon." Raphael corrected him before he could stop himself, and then groaned and covered his face with his hands. In any other occasion Magnus would've teased him but right now he had other priorities.

"So what are you going to do now?"

And then Raphael finally understood where the other was trying to get to.

"Nothing." he snapped letting his hands fall in his lap "When did you find out, anyway?" he asked brusquely.

"I've known you for seventy years, Raphael. Honestly, it wasn't that hard to figure out that he is your mate, you weren't doing a good job hiding it."

Raphael stood up, a hard scowl on his face. "Are you done?"

Magnus had to shut up. There was a bitch trying to kill him and take away the Clan from him, probably not every vampire in his family was loyal to him, and right now he wasn't strong enough to protect himself; he had more pressing issues to worry about than his stupid mate or his unrequited feelings.

Understanding that he would get nothing in trying to force the vampire to open up about his heartbreak, Magnus relented and nodded.

"Then open a portal to the DuMort."

 

*******

 

Simon had not moved from his spot since Raphael and Magnus had disappeared into the room.

He knew he should take advantage of the situation and get the hell out of there before the Clan Leader decided that it was time to dispose of the traitor, but even if it wasn't daytime, he knew he wouldn't be able to move, right now the wall he was leaning on was his only support.

Alec, sitting on the couch, sometime glanced at him but didn't say anything, and the vampire was grateful for that since he really wasn't in the mood for small talk.

He was so distracted, so absorbed in his own mind, that he didn't notice Magnus until the familiar purple light didn't blind him for a second. His head jerked upwards just in time to see Raphael coming out of the room, shirtless and still covered in blood.

The elder vampire walked straight towards the portal and stopped only a few inches away from crossing it. Only then he acknowledged the fledgling's presence.

Simon jumped a little when Raphael talked to him, and pressed himself back against the wall getting ready for an imminent attack.

"Fledgling," the Leader addressed him with a cold voice that sent shivers down his spine, and didn't even bother to turn around and look at him while he spoke "It looks like I owe you my life."

Simon's eyes widened considerably, surely not expecting those words.

"I am a man of honor, and I always pay my debts." Raphael continued, and Simon just wanted to cry, because he already knew that but he hadn't helped him to gain something in return.

"I will revoke the kill order on you. You saved my life, I will spare yours."

"Raphael, please..."

"We're even."

"I haven't done it for that, I-" he tried to speak but Raphael interrupted him again.

"From now on you're banished from the Hotel." and after a brief nod toward Magnus he passed through the portal, leaving Simon with his hands outstretched and reaching to grab him.

For a moment everything seemed to freeze, as though time had decided that it wasn't worth it to pass by anymore. Then he saw red and felt a known wetness on his cheeks.

He could hear Alec and Magnus whispering to each other; he heard something about mates and marks or whatever, but he couldn't make out the words, too shaken and shocked, in too much pain to care about anything else.

He'd known all along that that would be the outcome, he knew that Raphael would've left him behind, but even if he was waiting for it to happen experiencing it was another thing, and it was ripping him apart.

His legs were trembling and threatening to give up any moment now, but he refused to collapse on the floor like a broken doll: he was hurt, it was like a boulder was crushing his chest taking his non-existent breath away, but he wouldn't surrender just yet, he was stronger than that.

_Or so he hoped._

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned his head just enough to see Magnus looking at him with concerned eyes.

"Simon, it'll be fine." he murmured squeezing lightly his shoulder, and the fledgling didn't have it in him to tease the warlock for using his name.

"I want to go home..." and Simon didn't know why he was saying that, because it was useless, pointless, because he no longer had a home to return to.

"I'll open a portal to the Institute."

Simon shook his head. _Ridiculous_ , the Institute would never be his home; nobody wanted him there, they accepted his presence with evident distaste only because his best friend happened to save the Shadow World from Valentine. "That's not home..."

"I know." and even if it was impossible Simon believed him. He didn't know why but he felt like the warlock could really understand him, understand what he was going through.

"You can stay here."

The fledgling's head jerked towards Alec, eyes widening in surprise.

"Magnus has a spare room you can use." The Shadowhunter continued to talk as if he hadn't said anything out of the ordinary, and Simon was too stunned to point out the weirdness of the situation.

"Alexander's right."

The Asian agreed and then pulled him away from the wall, pushing him towards the hallway.

He didn't know why or how had that happened, but he soon found himself sitting on the bed of Magnus' guest room with a cup of blood in his hands.

"I don't need your pity." he complained with a scowl.

The warlock ignored him and left the room, but Alec just rolled his eyes and leaned against the doorframe.

"It's not pity."

Simon glared at him and huffed. "Yeah, sure, I totally believe that."

"It's not." Alec insisted.

"Oh, come on dude! You can't stand me! You hated me when I still was a mundane and you probably hate me more now that I'm a vampire."

"You're not one of my favorite people, but I don't hate you."

"Whoa, I feel loved."

The fledgling emptied his cup and then put it on the bedside table.

"What do you want Alec?" he asked when the silence became unbearable.

"I know what you're going through."

"Oh, shut up!" he snapped narrowing his eyes. "You know nothing!" and in any other occasion he would've laughed at his own joke.

Alec sighed. Then approached him and sat beside him, looking in front of him.

"I'm Magnus' mate," he said keeping his voice low "and I rejected him. I can't understand your pain, but I know what you're going through."

"You rejected him?"

"Yes. I would've married Lydia if Magnus hadn't decided that I was worth it and hadn't crashed the wedding. Honestly, I still don't understand why he forgave me."

Simon didn't know what to do with those information. It was shocking that Alec was opening up to him since they really weren't friends, but he was happy nonetheless; his presence and his understanding – even if he was sure there was some pity in there – made him feel a little less lonely.

"Magnus would know what to say, but he's still not ready to talk about that, so you're stuck with me."

After that they stayed quiet for a couple of minutes, and surprisingly it was the Shadowhunter who spoke first.

"So, Raphael is your mate?" and it sounded like a question even if, obviously, he already knew the answer.

"Yes." the vampire flopped down on his back "I figured it out after we broke Camille out of her coffin. I...may have eavesdropped your and Magnus' conversation." the other seemed confused so he quickly added "At the Institute, when Magnus told you that you were his mate and that whatever he felt for Camille was ancient history."

The oldest Lightwood didn't look particularly pleased with that confession, but said nothing so Simon kept talking.

"I didn't know anything about this mate' stuff but it didn't take me long to understand what was going on. I asked some questions around, read every book I could find about it - and let me tell you that your library is not very equipped in that department – and then everything just clicked, it made sense."

"Do you regret it?" and he didn't need to specify what he was talking about.

"No, it'd mean regret having woken Jocelyn up, and I can't do that." he sighed and closed his eyes "But I do hope I'd done things differently"  _Especially now that Raphael is in danger because of me_ his mind supplied.

They didn't feel the necessity to add anything else, they had said what needed to be said, and Simon felt as if a small part of his burden had been lifted from his shoulders. It was nice to have someone to talk to, someone that could partly understand his feelings, and for the first time in a while he didn't feel completely alone.

"Alec," he whispered "thank you."

The Shadowhunter laid next to him and squeezed his hand. And that was enough.

 

*******

 

When Raphael got to the other side of the portal he found himself in his empty bedroom.

The first thing he did was take a shower and put on a suit, then he pushed away all those thoughts related to Simon that were trying to win his complete attention, and only then he decided he was ready to find out if something had happened when he was out of his mind.

The Hotel was quiet but it didn't surprise him: the sun had set around an hour ago, so most of the vampires had gone out for the night, as always.

He walked aimlessly down the hallways, listening to his surroundings and trying to figure out if something had changed while he wasn't there, but everything looked the same. No one tried to attack him, no one seemed interested in his return or seemed to have noticed his absence in the first place, it was like any other night and he didn't know how to feel about it.

 _I'm being paranoid._ he sighed _It's too soon for Camille to know that her plan failed._

He turned on his heels and headed straight to the lounge. Only when he was stretched out on the couch with a glass of blood in his hands he finally relaxed a bit.

He sipped the red liquid and tapped his fingers on the armrest.

_I need a plan._

Now that Valentine wasn't a threat anymore, he had to focus on Camille and her attempts to retrieve her leadership. The stupid fledgling had signed a Contract, taking away his only pretense to keep her out of his way, so his only chance was to take care of her once and for all before she managed to kill him instead. But first, he needed to find her.

Suddenly he couldn't think anymore. He clawed his shirtfront and bent forward when a sharp pain hit his chest, followed shortly by an odd and intense feeling of loss and longing that he couldn't quite place.

_Pero que demonios...?!_

He winced when another strong stab stroke him, but this time it was confusion what invaded his mind.

The glass slipped out of his shaking hands and shattered on the floor, the blood splashing around and staining his shoes.

A second passed and, quickly as they appeared, those weird sensations vanished, leaving him bewildered and confused. He knew that he'd be panting and gasping for air if he'd still needed to breath.

_What the hell was that?_

"So it's true."

Raphael's head jerked towards Lily, relieved that it was her who saw his moment of weakness.

"Exactly, what is true?" he asked while standing up.

She diverted her gaze and seemed uncertain.

" _What_ is true?" he repeated threateningly, narrowing his eyes and feeling his fangs ache to drop out of his gums: he was weak, still recovering from his wounds, he was confused, felt like something was missing and didn't understand what the hell had happened to him so he really didn't have any patience left. Especially since she seemed to know what his problem was.

Lily crossed her arms and straightened her back before looking back at him, meeting his eyes without any more doubts.

"You Bonded."

And it was like she had slapped him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand there you go!  
> I know there was a lot of conversation going on in this chapter, hope it wasn't too boring^^''' And it was really necessary that Alec/Simon bonding time u.u  
> Feel free to point out any mistake you see!  
> Kudos and comments are always welcomed with glee and delight! Don't be shy <3


	4. There are days every now and again I pretend I’m okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Magnus talk. And Raphael and Lily talk. And then everything goes to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I already said that you guys are amazing and I love you very much? <3 Thank you for your support, for your kudos, and comments, and hits, and subcriptions! I don't even know how to show you all my gratitude <3<3<3
> 
> Well, I admit that this chapter kinda got out of hand...if in the previous chapter there was conversations, this one surely comes on top lol but it was necessary to prepare the field for the 5th! I promise that with this chapter I'm done with all the explanations and from the next one there'll be some long-awaited action u.u

 

> _What hurts the most_  
>  _Was being so close_  
>  _And having so much to say (to say)_  
>  _And watching you walk away_  
>  _And never knowing_  
>  _What could have been_  
>  _And not seeing that loving you_  
>  _Is what I was trying to do_

 

_ What Hurt The Most, by Rascal Flatts _

 

*******

 

When Simon woke up he was alone in the room even if he remembered that Alec had been there when he'd fallen asleep.

He turned on his side and groaned, closing his eyes and wishing he would rest just a little bit more. The sun had already set so he was sure that he'd slept at least a couple hours, and yet he didn't feel any more rested, he was exhausted and felt like a truck had ran him over a thousand times.

As often happened since his Turning, his sleep had been plagued by nightmares, scenes full of blood and screams and darkness, where every person he loved died by his hands. He could remember vividly how the viscous red substance felt between his cold fingers, could picture perfectly the view of the broken bodies of his loved ones lying on the dirty ground, could smell clearly the stink of fear and death as though it'd been real. It was one of his more frequent nightmares and he should had been used to it by now, but it still left him shaken and sick, especially since this time around Camille had been there, grinning and laughing, encouraging and pushing, looking thrilled and bewitched while he killed his family, while he killed his mate.

Simon sat up abruptly, pushing those unpleasant thoughts away. He knew that bitch was still somewhere out there waiting for her chance to strike again, and he was aware that sooner than later he'd do something to get definitely rid of her, but right now he just refused to lose sleep over her, he was way too stubborn to accept that, and he wouldn't give her that satisfaction.

He huffed and ran one hand over his face, willing away the remnants of his drowsiness. Only then he noticed the dried streaks of blood on his cheeks.

_Okay, that's disgusting. Time to wash up a lil' bit._

He stepped out of the room and into the hallway, and luckily he saw the bathroom right in front of him, the door left ajar. Since the warlock hadn't complained about Alec's idea to let him crash there for the day – even if he suspected that Magnus would never refuse anything to his boyfriend – Simon thought that his host wouldn't mind too much if he took a quick shower.

Once he was under the hot spray he finally relaxed. He couldn't feel the heat as intensely as he did before his death, but it was comforting to feel the lukewarm water slide on his frozen skin and see the steam fog the shower stall; it gave him a semblance of a normalcy that he quite missed, as if even in his fucked up un-life at least silly things like the vapor fogging the air around him wouldn't change, as if that could keep him tied up to a reality that didn't belong to him anymore. He kept watching the clear water wipe the dirt away and blend with his and Raphael's blood, turning into a pale pink before going down the drain.

He then dried himself and stood in front of the mirror, focusing his attention on his ghostly face: his hair was wet and fell on his forehead and around his head in messy locks, his eyes were sunken and tired with dark circles around them, and his complexion was way paler than usual. He looked sick and unhealthy, like he was seconds away to pass out, and honestly it didn't surprise him; it'd been at least a week since the last time he fed properly, and Raphael drinking from him hadn't helped. He knew that the cup of blood he'd drunk in the afternoon wouldn't be enough to make him recover his strength and that soon he'd need to feed well if he didn't want to die.

He stared at the mirror for a couple more seconds and then sighed. Thinking about it, it was almost funny how when he first Turned he denied he had become a vampire because he could see his reflection and now, watching that same reflection that he wasn't supposed to see and just by judging from the severity of his paleness, he could tell how much longer he could go on without blood and when he'd need to feed to avoid permanent collateral effects. _Oh, the irony._

He cast a quick glance over his body to make sure that his skin was all clean, and only then he noticed the two small punctures on his neck, where Raphael had bitten him; the little wound should've healed already but, since he was so weak, it made sense that even such a petty scratch would take more time to heal.

He put his dirty sweatpants on, wishing he had something else to wear, and then walked out of the bathroom and straight to the lounge. He found Magnus stretched out on an armchair, a rainbow cocktail in his hands.

"Good evening, sunshine." he greeted him with a soft smile "Slept well?"

Simon hummed as he sat down on the couch; he was sure that the warlock didn't buy his lie, but at least he didn't comment on it.

"Have breakfast, it looks like you're going to faint."

After a snap of fingers a big glass of blood appeared on the small table, and even if the smell was appetizing he really didn't feel like eating - or drinking - anything.

"There's no need, I'm fin-" Magnus' cat-eyes narrowed and Simon didn't know how was possible that even with all that blue glitter on his eyelids he still looked threatening as hell "Er...thank you." he relented and grabbed the glass, watching the warlock smile again. It was kinda annoying that the warlock could force him to feed so easily, but he couldn't deny that it was nice to feel taken care of, so he didn't complain too much.

"Where's Alec?" he asked after sipping his drink.

"Clarissa freaked out a little when she didn't find you in your room," he answered stirring his cocktail "Alexander went back to the Institute to calm her down and explain what happened." and before Simon could even question it, he added "He will keep your secret, it's not ours to tell."

The vampire nodded and kept sipping his breakfast under the other's attentive gaze.

"Thank you for letting me crash here." he said after a while with a tiny smile, and the warlock moved his hand around as if to say _'Don't mention it'_ "and also for helping me with Lily. I was sure she'd kill me this time."

Magnus huffed. "She didn't have any right to behave like that."

"I did betray the Clan." he retorted raising a eyebrow.

"Yes, but we both know that she didn't attack you because of that."

"My mate, who happens to be one of her closest friend, almost died and it was my fault." Simon shrugged "She has all the rights to be mad."

The warlock sighed and put his half-drunk cocktail down. "She wasn't mad because of that." he said weaving his long fingers under his chin "It was because she thought that you willingly hurt your mate, it didn't matter that it was Raphael."

Simon tilted his head to the side, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I cannot tell much, so just know that she can understand what you're going through more than you think."

That didn't explain anything at all and it sounded kinda ominous, but Simon didn't push, knowing full well that the warlock wouldn't spill a secret that wasn't his to tell; it was probably because of that that he wasn't worried about his own secret and knew that with Magnus and Alec it was in safe hands. On the other hand, now at least he understood why the warlock had been so pissed off with her: maybe it was some sort of understanding between fellow rejected-mates that probably also explained why he was being so kind and helpful.

"I don't know Lily's past and probably I never will, but she isn't the only one that can understand how I'm feeling...is it?"

The warlock grimaced and Simon regretted immediately his words.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, Alec told me that you didn't want to talk about it, and I should-"

"It's fine." Magnus cut him off and sighed again "Simon, it's not easy to move on when your mate rejects you. It'll take time and you'll feel like a part of your heart has been ripped from your chest, but eventually you'll heal and you'll be happy again. You have eternity ahead of you, you have the chance to meet another mate."

The fledgling frowned. "Another mate?" he asked in confusion "Someone that isn't Raphael?"

This time it was the warlock who frowned. "How much do you know about mates and everything that comes with that?"

"I pretty much know the basics? But what does it mean that I can find another mate?"

"'Mates' are all those people that are totally compatible with you, so of course Downworlders don't have just one."

"Are you saying that somewhere in the world there's someone else that could be my mate?"

"Exactly."

"But I don't want anybody else!"

His brain just didn't want to process the words; they sounded so wrong and heartless, and he just couldn't believe them. The idea was disturbing and offensive towards his love for Raphael, he couldn't picture himself with somebody that wasn't the Clan Leader, it was just...not possible.

"That's because you loved him _before_ finding out that he's your mate. And don't even try to deny it, sweetie, it's not my fault if you're an oblivious vamp." Magnus was smirking but his voice was kind, as if he was dealing with a child and was afraid to scare him off "Being mates means that you're two halves of the same coin, that you're drawn to each other, but it doesn't mean that you'll fall in love anyway. I know mates that just stayed together as friends, didn't Mark each other and in the end found love elsewhere."

"That's possible?"

"It's unusual but yes, it is possible. That's why Downworlders can sense the Marks and why we use them to show that we not only found our mates but we also claimed them. It's a subtle way to say 'back off, this is mine.'"

"Wait...what happens if you meet another mate when you're already Marked?"

"You'd feel drawn to the new mate but it won't be a pull as strong as the one towards your Marked one. Only with a Bond all the links towards your other mates will break, and it'll be like that until the Bond is intact."

Simon ran his hands through his still wet hair. "This mate stuff is more complicated than I thought."

Magnus chuckled. "It won't be when you'll know everything you need to know. So, go ahead and ask."

"I'm curious about how these Marks and Bonds work, but I'm not sure I want to know." he sighed and leaned back against the cushions "The only mate I want rejected me, it's not like I'll get the chance to get them anytime soon."

A mischievous glint sparkled in the warlock's eyes. "You'd be surprised." he said with what seemed a delighted grin.

"What?"

Magnus didn't bother to explain his odd behavior and ignored his question. "You need to know these things as any other Downworlder, sunshine. You need to understand it in order to protect yourself."

"Protect myself?"

Once again Simon was surprised by how quickly the warlock's attitude could change when Magnus looked at him seriously. "Not all Marks are consensual."

The vampire frowned and Magnus kept talking. "We have more than one mate, and not always we are matched. You could be my mate but that doesn't mean that I'd have to be yours. Sometimes, when a mate is rejected for this reason or because its mate has already another partner, it doesn't accept it and Marks the person either way, and in the Downworld being Marked against your will it's like a sexual assault; you're not supposed to disrespect your mate in that hideous way, even if he rejects you."

Simon straightened his back and looked slightly sick, the idea of being Marked by an unknown Downworlder sending cold shivers down his spine. "Then I suppose I do really need to know how Marks work."

"Every species has its own way to put a Mark on their mate: warlocks and faeries use magic, werewolves use their scent, and vampires use their poison."

"Then vampires can't drink from each other? But at the DuMort I saw it happening more than once."

"The Mark works only between mates, and even in that case it's essential the _will_ to mark the other. Marks and Bonds are all about feelings and volition to be tied to another person, it's like a spontaneous magic that works only between mates."

"Wait, so even a Bond can be forced on someone if there's the will to do it?"

"Yes. It is way harder to achieve it, but there have been some cases. And if being Marked against your will is something abhorrent, being Bonded is far worse, because if he wanted that person could manipulate your emotions or make you feel something that it's not real."

"That's fucked up." and he couldn't stop his voice from trembling a bit because he'd thought that a Bond was the best thing ever for a relationship, but what Magnus said sounded beyond awful. He knew what a Bond was and how it worked – he'd found that information in the books he'd read, even if it'd been just a short paragraph. He knew about the Contract and the ritual and that with a strong one feelings and sometime thoughts could be shared between mates, but he hadn't known that it could be forced on someone, that it could make you feel emotions that weren't real, but now he understood better why it required strong feelings of love and trust: it was a double-edged sword and needed to be handled with care.

The warlock took his cocktail and sipped it. "However, a Mark can always be erased and a Bond can always be broken."

And now that they were talking about Bonds the truth hit Simon like a punch in the gut: he shouldn't be worrying about some unnamed mate that could force a Mark or Bond on him when he _already_ had a non consensual bond to worry about.

"Can a Sire Bond be broken?"

Magnus was taken aback by the unexpected question, but comprehension seemed to fall on him almost immediately.

"You're worried about Camille." and he didn't even bother to make it sound like a question.

The vampire nodded. "She said we have a connection, that we'll be linked forever." he intertwined his hands on his lap, trying to hide their shaking "If a Sire Bond is anything like a Bond between mates..."

He couldn't finish the sentence, the thought too frightening to be able to put it into words. The last time he'd seen his sire he'd helped her to escape from her prison, and the outcome had been a bloody, wild and out of his mind Raphael. He had ignored and pushed aside what Camille had said about their connection, too busy worrying about Valentine and the war, and he'd pretended that that bond didn't exist at all. He had to admit that he hadn't felt anything weird or out of the ordinary in the last year, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that she had just been waiting to use it against him when he less expected it.

Magnus narrowed his eyes, probably knowing what was going on in the vampire's head.

"A Sire Bond it's not so strong," he said "she can't make you do something that you don't want to."

Simon wasn't convinced and the warlock sighed, deciding that telling the complete truth would be for the best, and so he kept talking. "Nonetheless, it'll be hard for you to resist her commands. You are naturally inclined to seek her acceptance, but that doesn't mean that she can control you or change how you feel. You just need an anchor, something that will remind you what is truly important."

"I'll have to fight against my urge to _please_ her for the rest of my life?!" the fledgling snapped and scowled, slamming the glass on the table so violently that it shattered. He watched the blood spread onto the wood until Magnus didn't wave a hand around and the mess vanished.

"We won't let her hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Simon laughed mirthlessly "I don't care what might happen to me, I'm worried about Raphael, she's after _his_ head! And I don't want to be used against him, not again."

For the first time since they begun the conversation Magnus didn't have an answer. He probably couldn't promise that his bond with his sire wouldn't be used to overthrow the new Clan Leader, and Simon couldn't stand it.

He stood up and walked toward the door, feeling the need to get away, to breathe fresh air, to disappear into the night.

"Simon, wait! There's something you need to know!" The warlock tried to stop him, but he didn't listen. He knew that the warlock could stop him and force him to stay, but he also knew that Magnus wouldn't use his magic in that way, and he took advantage of that. Before the other could finish his sentence he was already out, running away at a redneck speed.

He ran without thinking where he was going, let his legs take him aimlessly around the city. He felt cornered, trapped, as if he had a sword hanging over his head, as if it was Camille who kept it hanging just waiting for the right moment to let it fall and strike him.

_She has to die._

He knew it was some weird sense of subjugation and that she couldn't know what he was doing, but still he couldn't push away the feeling that she was waiting for him to go back to her, to become her new play toy and do whatever she wanted.

_No, no, no, no! I'm not her toy! She can't control me!_

And even if he kept repeating it over and over again he couldn't get rid of the fear. The day she'd told him that there was a special bond between them he'd known that that knowledge would come back to bite him, that it'd eventually mean troubles, and now he just got the confirmation.

And since he had seen Raphael covered in his own blood he had known what needed to be done to solve the problem, and he couldn't wait anymore, there wasn't any time left.

_She has to die._

It wasn't only for Raphael. It was for Lily, and Stan, and Elliott, and Emily, and Julian, and Ivan, and all the other members of the Clan. It was for their safety, for their right to have a Clan Leader that would take care of them and think only about their well-being. It was for the mundanes that she would hurt. It was for his betrayal and the opportunity to amend for his mistakes.

It was for Simon himself and his need to be free from her, from her presence, from his fears to be controlled, from his guilt.

It was for everyone, and he wouldn't back out.

_She has to die._

 

*******

 

Raphael wasn't used to the concept of romance.

He knew what love felt like – he loved his mother, his family, his Clan. He knew what sex felt like and he experienced it enough to say that it was a great stress-relieving exertion. But to be emotionally and physically involved in an amorous relationship for a long period seemed strenuous and was something that he just couldn't understand.

When he still was human he'd never been interested in anyone. He talked with his friends about girls and dates and sex because that was what he was supposed to do, he asked the pretty neighbor out because that was what the others expected from him, he kissed and touched her because that was what she was waiting for, but not once he was really interested in all that.

After been Turned he found out that the Downworld was way more open about relationships and the conception of what was proper. It was when he'd seen two male vampires kissing and rubbing their bodies in a steamy dance that he'd questioned for the first time his sexuality; maybe he liked boys, that's why he never was interested in the opposite sex. It turned out that that wasn't the case, even if he had to admit that he preferred men.

For a couple of years he had watched members of the Clan find their mates and form bonds or just screw around when they got the chance, and he'd felt as if something was wrong with him, as if he was broken in some way. Then he decided that he really didn't care and focused on his ambitions and on his rise in the hierarchy of the Clan.

And then Simon had decided that it'd be a great idea to get kidnapped and everything had gone to hell surprisingly fast.

It hadn't took him long to understand what was going on, he figured out right away that the gangly nerd was his mate. What had been hard to get used to was the burning need he felt to stay close to him, to touch him, to make sure that he was okay. He hadn't cared about anyone else as he cared about the fledgling, and those new feelings terrified him.

And his fear had grown even stronger when he understood that it wasn't just the pull of being mates that drawn him towards the other, and for the first time in his life he found himself thinking _fuck, maybe I'm in love_.

He didn't have any idea of what he was supposed to do or how to behave, because he never actually thought that something like that would happen to him, he just didn't do romantic relationship, he never had the interest in doing so – not before Simon, at least. He ended up pushing everything away and telling himself that there was no need to worry about it; only because Simon was his mate didn't mean that he was Simon's, and since the fledgling had never showed that kind of interest in him he knew that his feelings were unrequited. He told himself that time would take away that annoying attraction he felt and peace of mind would come back to him. Ignoring the problem would make it disappear, he was sure of that.

And he'd been doing a good job hiding his emotions until his mate hadn't disappointed him and forfeit his trust just to stay with the Nephilim.

His betrayal had hurt, _still hurt,_ and he'd thought that it would've been better if he never realized what it meant to love someone that wasn't part of your family, what it meant to desire someone with your whole being. He could easily say that walking away from Simon when they were in Magnus' loft had been one of the hardest things he had to go through in his life, and that was saying _a lot_.

Raphael wasn't used to the concept of romance, but he wasn't stupid. Since he never cared sufficiently to inquire he didn't know a lot about mates and marks and bonds, but he was confident enough in his limited knowledge to know that some kisses and mild grinding was not enough to form a bond.

So, when Lily told him that he'd Bonded with Simon, his first instinct was to say _bullshit_. Instead he furrowed his brow and crossed his arms.

"Excuse me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "You heard me. I thought it was just a Mark, but now I'm sure it's something more. I'm quite sure that you Bonded with the baby."

For a moment Raphael was surprised to hear her refer to Simon as baby, but then he decided to focus on more important things.

"That's impossible, and you know it."

"You Marked him." she said firmly "I saw the Mark, I _sensed_ it. When I got close I smelled you all over him."

The Clan Leader sighed and sat down, putting one foot on the opposite knee, and tried to stay calm.

"Mark him and Bond with him are two different things, Lily. I may believe that I Marked him,"  _I actually remember doing it but you don't need to know that_  "but a bond? Come on, it's not so easy to form one."

"You know how vampires bond."

"Of course I know!" he snapped "And drink some of his blood it's not enough. There are rituals and ceremonies that need to be performed."

Lily stared at him like he was an idiot and couldn't even understand what stood before his eyes.

"Oh, please. Those rituals are just for show." she huffed "Think about it Raph! What do you _really_ need to bond? A Mark, blood, strong feelings, and the _will_ to be linked, and you had it all."

Raphael scowled surly but his second-in-command didn't stop talking, ignoring blatantly his growing anger.

"You drank his blood and Marked him with your poison, it is undeniable that your feelings for him are strong enough for a bond, and Simon _surrendered_ to you, he didn't fight your desire to bond, even if he probably was unaware of what was happening."

"Lily, this is ridiculous."

"I was there, I heard everything. You Marked him, and it happened."

" _Joder Lily!_ A bond doesn't just happen!" he snarled jumping on his feet and lunging lightly forward as if he wanted to attack her.

She stepped back but didn't cower. "I know!" she hissed back "But you just felt his emotions! And don't try to deny it! I know how it looks like to be Bonded!"

And it finally hit him. Suddenly he understood why she was so angry and so desperate. How could he have forgotten something like that? How could he not think that this was about Damian?

He calmed down instantly and took a step back, breathing in deeply even if he didn't need to.

"Lily, I understand how you're feeling right now, but you-"

She hissed again, cutting him off. "Don't you dare Raphael, this has nothing to do with me, I'm over my heartbreak. And I swore to myself that I'd mind my own business and let you decide what to do about Simon." she shook her head and Raphael could see her eyes starting to tear up slightly "But I'll be damned if I stand down now that you Bonded with him. I will not let you hurt yourself like this."

He groaned and then started pacing the lounge like a caged animal, trying to assimilate the terrible news and to get a grip on his uncontrolled emotions.

A part of his mind knew that Lily was right, that she was telling the truth, and even if that would explain why he was feeling emotions that weren't his, a larger part didn't want to acknowledge it.

"I would never force myself on anyone," he retorted after a while, still trying to negate the facts "not like this, not on my own mate."

_No puede ser verdad._

He'd been aware that in his haze he had Marked Simon, he hadn't been able to resist the urge to write all over his body that he was already taken and that he had a very possessive, very dangerous mate to take care of him, and he'd been happy and satisfied because of that even if he shouldn't had.

It was hard to accept that he'd forced his mark on the fledgling, it was a guilt that he'd have to live with forever, but he'd reassured himself knowing that Simon wasn't aware of what had been done to him and that he would soon ask Magnus to erase it before the other could find out.

But a Bond, _oh God_ , a Bond changed everything even if it was a one-sided one. It still could be broken, but he'd need Simon's involvement and permission.

_What am I going to do now?_

Raphael dropped onto the couch, his head flopping down in defeat.

Marking him without his consent had been bad enough, but this? _I'm the worst_. He had taken advantage of his mate's weakness and had forced on him a connection that he didn't want, that he didn't ask for. He had disrespected him in the worst possible way, and he had no idea how he was supposed to fix it.

Lily sat down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"Raph, it's not your fault." she said softly "You weren't in control of yourself, you couldn't stop."

"That doesn't change anything!" he growled desperately and rubbed his hands over his face "It doesn't make it okay!"

"You'll hurt yourself like this, you-"

"I _violated_ him!"

Lily squeezed his shoulder hard enough to bruise his skin, and the faint pain helped him regain some composure.

"Raphael, you're not thinking straight." she tightened her grip on him, her claws pinching lightly his jacket "I know that what you did is awful, but we still can work things out."

Raphael took in a deep breath and willed the tension away, forcing his body to relax.

 _Calm down, idiota._ He thought _She's right_. _Freaking out won't solve anything._

"You have to bring him here and explain what happened." said Lily with a light frown "He'll understand that it wasn't your fault and you both will sort things out."

Raphael grimaced. "He'll want me dead."

"Don't be such a drama-queen." she scolded him and rolled her eyes in exasperation. "You put a kill order on him and yet he didn't even hesitate to save your life putting himself in harm's way."

Only then Raphael realized what his mate had done for him. Sure, he'd known the moment he woke up that he was still alive thanks to the fledgling, but only now he understood what it meant. Simon had rushed to his aid without doubts, risking his own life to give Magnus the possibility to help him - he'd been lucky that he was his mate; if not he wasn't sure that the fledgling would have survived their encounter.

_That idiot, always doing reckless things._

Simon had endangered himself to save a man that, for what he knew, wanted to kill him, so Lily couldn't be so wrong about Simon's ability to understand the situation and willingness to forgive. Or so he hoped.

Raphael sighed and leaned back. "He can't come here. The others won't accept it."

Lily huffed. "It's not like you have any other choice. And letting go of the past it's always the best option."

"You're awfully forgiving." he noted raising an eyebrow, and those words earned him a glare. "You're willing to forget his betrayal just like that? Because he is my mate and I accidentally Bonded?"

"He fucked up, but so did you, so it's not like you can judge. It won't be easy to start over and _when_ he'll come back you'll probably need to punish him. But yes, I'm willing to try. That you like it or not he's a vampire, he's family, and we stick together."

Raphael hummed his agreement but said nothing. He knew that she was right; Simon had betrayed them and that was a wound that would never disappear completely, but this time around the one in the wrong, the one that had done something hideous was him, and he would do his best to amend for his awful mistake.

"And it doesn't matter that he's your mate," Lily added with a tiny smile "I'll forgive him because he's a stupid, annoying, noisy fledgling and you're not the only one that loves him. I miss him, and I want him back here."

Raphael was glad she felt that way. Lily was one of his closest friends, and knowing that she approved of his mate was really important for him, even if he didn't actually had a relationship with the aforementioned mate.

However, regardless of how she felt, he was conscious that it wouldn't be so easy to fix everything. Simon' betrayal didn't concern only them, after all.

"The Clan won't be so forgiving."

"You shouldn't worry about it." she waved a hand around "They'll suck it up, bear with it and then simply get used to it. And honestly, it's not like they liked him before."

"What? Why wouldn't they like him?" He was confused; even if he was aware that Simon could be pretty annoying, he was sure the he didn't deserve to be hated by his family, especially not before his big misstep.

"Oh my god! I never thought I'd see you like this!" Lily snorted, her eyes shining with glee "You're so smitten!"

 _"Por el amor de Dios, callate ya."_  he groaned and tried to hide his faintly flushed cheeks "And answer the damn question."

She didn't stop grinning. "They're jealous." she said matter-of-factly and she rolled her eyes when she caught his confused expression "Oh come on! You're the boss, everyone tries constantly to win your favor and you never acknowledged _anyone_. And then suddenly this chatty, nerdy baby appears out of nowhere and has all your attention. Of course they wouldn't be happy about it!"

"That's not what-"

"Oh, shut up." Lily chuckled, amusement evident in her voice "He's your favorite and everybody knows it. Honestly, I'm surprised that _he_ didn't figure it out seeing how you were all over him all the time."

Raphael had no idea how they went from argue over the existence of his Bond to Lily teasing him about his feeling, but he couldn't not appreciate her efforts to lighten up the mood and make him feel better.

The guilt for having formed a non-consensual Bond was still there, the pain of the betrayal still made him bleed, and knowing that he wouldn't get his mate was tearing him apart, but he knew that he'd find a way to put everything in its place.

Simon's betrayal would hurt forever, but at least he'd have him around the Hotel again.

They'd break the Bond and even if the guilt would strike him occasionally, they would be fine, they'll get over it.

Even if he would lose his mate, he'd get a friend back.

It wasn't perfect, but it was something he could live with.

_I'll make it work._

And his peacefulness of mind lasted for about two minutes, because then Magnus called him and delivered the finishing blow.

"I can't find Simon." there was silence for a moment, and then "I think Camille has him."

Raphael's vicious roar could be heard in the whole Hotel, from the roof to the basement, shaking the windows and sending a wave of pure terror straight to the hearts of whoever listened to it.

_"Voy a matar esa perra."_

And Lily, eyes fixed on her boss' dark, terrifying expression, knew right away that everything would end in blood and death.

 

*******

 

Translations for this chapter:

_Joder Lily!_ → Dammit/Fuck Lily!

 _No puede ser verdad._ → It can't be true.

 _Por el amor de Dios, callate ya._ → For God's sake, just shut up.

 _Voy a matar esa perra._ → I'm gonna kill that bitch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this was the 4th chapter! It turned out longer and heavy with conversations, but I - at least - hope that it crossed out any possible doubt you may had about the bonds and everything else :D  
> If that's not the case feel free to ask for further clarifications! I'm here for you ^_-  
> Honestly, I'm not sure if the part with Raphael turned out good, like, it's super hard for me to write in this guy's POV, so it'd be wonderful if you'd let me know what you thought about it and point out if there's something I can improve!  
> I don't know if, for the next chapter, I'll get to update in 10 days as I've done until now, I have a super-busy month ahead and I don't know when I'll get the chance to write^^''' but I'll do my best to not make you wait too much, I promise!! <3
> 
> Kudos, comments and everything else are always welcomed and make me truly happy ^o^ so, let me know what you think!


	5. 'Cause what you don't understand is...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon's plan sucks a lil' bit. Magnus is kinda desperate, Raphael is kinda furious and Clary wants to slap people. Camille is, unexpectedly, a creepy crazy bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there guys!  
> I'm sorry that you had to wait more than usual for this chapter but, yeah, I did everything I could to update as soon as possible!  
> Thank you for your support <3 I always giggle like an idiot when you guys leave a comment or a kudos, and I may or may not have done a happy dance when I saw how many hits has this story :D
> 
> Before leaving you to read the chapter, I have to explain how vampire-tracking works in this story, because I couldn't put the explanation in the chapter without making it boring^^''' so, I remember that in the books vampires can't be tracked by any kind of magic, but in the show Magnus tracked Camille with his magic, but they weren't actually looking for her, they were looking for the Book of the White's owner and that's how they found Camille (well, this is actually my opinion, but whatever) so in this story vampires can't be tracked directly but you can find them using something/someone that is strongly linked to them, like something that is been theirs for a long time or something they're wearing or their blood etc! 
> 
> Hoping that this clears things up, all I can say is 'enjoy the chapter, hope that you'll like it!' <3

 

> _I'd catch a grenade for you_  
>  _Throw my hand on a blade for you_  
>  _I'd jump in front of a train for you_  
>  _You know I'd do anything for you_  
>  _Oh, I would go through all this pain_  
>  _Take a bullet straight through my brain_  
>  _Yes, I would die for you, baby_  
>  _But you won't do the same?_

 

_ Grenade, by Bruno Mars _

 

*******

 

Clary had made a decision and she wouldn't wait any longer to act.

She was tired to look from afar at her best friend's suffering, she couldn't stand to see him like that anymore and was desperate to do something to make things better. She was aware that in the last year she hadn't been the best friend Simon deserved - the war, Valentine, her love for her supposed brother and everything else had taken all her attention - but she loved him and wanted him to be happy; he was her brother, she worried about him, and she wanted to apologize for being such a shitty friend and try to repair what was left of their friendship.

After talking with Isabelle she had made out her mind and was ready to talk with Simon about what was going on. She could still hear Izzy's words resounding in her head, adding more doubts than giving answers to her questions. She didn't understand how that mate-thing worked and she still didn't believe that that was the real problem, but she would not leave the vamp alone until he didn't spill the beans and open up about it. She was done waiting and doing nothing, it was time to move on, and if Simon couldn't do it alone then she would be there to help him make the first step towards recovery.

That's why, after dinner, she went straight to her friend's bedroom, determined to find out the truth and if there was something she could do to help. She was so sure that he'd be in his room – he hadn't left it for almost two weeks, after all – that she kinda flipped out when she opened the door and found only a dark and empty room to greet her.

Clary was not a person used to conceal her emotions, what she thought she said, what she felt she showed. So, when she discovered that Simon had disappeared without a word, everyone in the Institute knew that she was freaking out.

It was probably an exaggeration to go running around asking anyone she crossed path with if they'd seen their vamp-guest, but she was panicking and she couldn't help it: last time she had taken her eyes off him for a moment, she had been forced to drag him out of the DuMort before he could be killed by his former Clan, she wouldn't take any chances now.

She'd thought – hoped – that Simon would be somewhere in the Institute, but after checking if he was in the room where they kept the animal blood, asking Jace and Isabelle if they'd seen him and inspecting almost all the edifice without finding any trace of him, her worry became almost overwhelming.

_Idiot! Where are you?_

She frantically called Alec. She admitted that it wasn't a great idea since the Lightwood boy didn't like Simon at all, but she was desperate and it was pretty much her last resort before going out in the night and search the city building by building. Honestly, she didn't actually expect to hear him say that Simon was with him in Magnus' loft.

She didn't had time to ask for any explanation before the Shadowhunter said that he was on his way to the Institute and hung up on her. She glared at her phone and cursed at him: their friendship had improved since Magnus had won over Alec's heart, but in that moment she still felt the compelling need to punch him square in his pretty face for leaving her worrying and on edge without a proper answer.

_That moron!_

Clary stood in the hall with crossed arms, tapping rapidly her foot on the spotless floor and waiting expectantly for the boy to get back and explain what the hell was going on. And when he did get there she was worried sick and absolutely furious and stormed towards him with blazing eyes, the red hair fluttering around her head like naked flames.

"Where's Simon?" she asked through gritted teeth.

Alec had the nerve to raise an eyebrow and look at her like she was crazy for acting that way. "I told you."

"You said he was with you, and you're here but he is not." she said sharply narrowing her eyes "So where is Simon _now_?"

The Shadowhunter rolled his eyes. "I left him with Magnus." and then he explained briefly what had happened.

Clary wasn't a genius when it didn't concern art and drawing. It wasn't like she wanted to belittle herself, she just acknowledged that fact; she was the talented one and Simon the smart one, she had always known that and was fine with it.

Clary wasn't a genius, but she wasn't stupid either. More importantly, she wasn't oblivious so when Alec told her that Raphael had been hurt and that was why Simon had left through a portal without telling anyone, she understood right away what was going on. She knew that Simon was a good man that would always try to help whoever was in need, but risk his life in the process was a little too much, especially after he almost got killed because of the very same person he rushed to rescue. She knew he usually was a forgiving person but this was going too far, even for him.

Suddenly the two endless weeks her best friend had spent locked in the darkness of his room, the times she thought he'd said the Clan Leader's name between sobs, the reason he refused to feed and cried himself to sleep made a lot more sense: Isabelle and Jace were right, Simon had been rejected by his mate.

And said mate was Raphael – _freaking_ \- Santiago.

She could not stop the wave of worry that hit her. She still didn't know how all the mates-thing worked, but she couldn't accept so easily that her best friend had ran away in a hurry to save a man that wanted him dead and, mate or not, she wouldn't let that jerk in expensive clothes hurt him, he'd have to go over her dead body.

"Why the hell did you leave him with Raphael?" she barked out "Last time they met Simon was almost killed!"

Alec seemed taken aback by her outburst and stiffened – still, he didn't look any less annoyed by her loud voice.

"Magnus is with him."

Her scowl deepened but she couldn't argue with that: with the warlock around the Clan Leader wouldn't try anything funny. Probably.

"And anyway," he added "Santiago wasn't there when I left."

"Why didn't Simon come back with you?" she asked then, because if Raphael wasn't even there then there was no need for Simon to stay with the warlock.

The Lightwood hesitated for a moment before answering, and that wavering made her even more suspicious.

"He was too weak and needed to rest."

"He's hurt?!"

"He's fine, okay?" Alec finally snapped "He was tired and fell asleep on the couch. Magnus is looking after him."

She huffed and glared at him. "I'm not pleased about this and I still think you shouldn't have left him where that bloodsucker can easily find him, but I guess Magnus can take care of him for a single day."

Apparently Fate liked to mess with her and prove her wrong whenever it got the chance, because not even half a minute later Alec's phone rang and when he got the call she saw his annoyed expression turn into one of concern.

"Magnus can't find Simon."

"What?!"

Clary wanted to scream and yell and kick Alec's ass because _dammit! I knew it!_ , but in that moment she had other priorities, she needed to find Simon and make sure that he was alright.

When barely five minutes later she marched out of the Institute flanked by Jace and the Lightwood siblings, all of them heavily armed and ready to fight, Alec was still talking on the phone with a low and hurried tone. She didn't even try to listen to the conversation but when he finally hung up she didn't miss the chance to glare at him without slowing down.

"I swear to God Alec, when this is over I'm gonna kill you."

He simply rolled his eyes and sped up. "Come on, Magnus is waiting for us."

 

*******

 

Simon had a plan. It was a stupid and kind of suicidal plan, but it was a plan nonetheless.

As illogical as it sounded the first step was to change his clothes. He knew that he couldn't go looking for Camille with Raphael's scent all over him, and even if he'd taken a shower he could still smell his mate's blood on the dirty sweatpants, so the first thing he did after running away from Magnus' was to slip into his old room and grab some clean clothes.

It had been over a year since the last time he'd stepped into the house where he grew up, and going in there felt somehow funny. After the Turning he was too afraid to lose control and hurt his family to even think about the possibility to go back to them, and when he finally was starting to dominate his blood-lust and think that soon he'd be able to at least visit them, Valentine had put his hands on the Mortal Cup and the war had raged on without mercy, taking away that little spark of hope that despite everything had made his way into his heart.

He let his eyes wander on the furniture, the desk, the bookcases, the walls full of geeky posters; all his things were in order in their right place, not a single speck of dust soiled the room, and everything was fresh and clean, ready to be used. And under the detergent and air freshener's smell he could sense his family's scent lingering around him and proving that they passed a lot of time in there, mourning his loss.

It had been a long year. Staying away from his family hadn't been easy and he missed them every single day, and knowing that they thought that by now he probably was just a dead body decomposing in a dark alley, maybe killed by a drug dealer, hadn't helped him to accept his situation. Being there after all that time brought back emotions that he desperately had tried to push aside, and now memories of a lifetime were trying to crush him and what was left of his sanity. It was a deep sense of loss that originated from his chest and ran through his whole body, adding itself to the pain coming from his mate's rejection, and it hurt so much that he could feel every cell of his being physically ache along his broken heart and bleeding soul.

For a moment he felt dizzy, overwhelmed, and suddenly going home didn't seem such a good idea anymore. Objectively he knew he had no other choice – he couldn't exactly go back to the Institute or to the DuMort, so there really wasn't any other place where he could find clothes - but he had been sure that he would've been able to handle it.

_It's too much..._

He clenched his fists, fighting the strong urge to wake his mother up and tell her what had really happened to him. He wanted to scream, cry, punch the wall and pour out all those anguishing feelings that were destroying him from the inside out, and then he wanted to hide under a blanket and curl up against his mother taking all the comfort she would give him as though he was a child once again and a nightmare had woken him in the middle of the night.

Simon took an unnecessary breath and then did it again and again, willing his body to relax and his mind to forget about anything that wasn't his mission.

_I don't have time for a break-down._

He thought about Raphael and the Clan, about Clary, Jocelyn and Luke, about the mundanes that could end up in his same situation and that he could protect, about Magnus and the way Camille scared him, and he calmed down.

_Stick to the plan, it'll be fine._

He put on a T-Shirt and another pair of sweatpants, and once he was dressed he avoided to look at the mirror, too scared to find out which emotions his face would reflect in that moment. He knew there would be exhaustion and a deep sadness concealed within his almost lifeless eyes, but what he didn't want to see was the fear that slowly but surely was crawling inside of him.

He sped up to the kitchen as soundlessly as he could, took one of the lighters his mother kept in the cutlery drawer and then jumped out of the window before he could give in to temptation and sneak into his mother and sister's bedrooms, pushing away his desire to at least say a proper goodbye.

After one last wishful glance to the house he ran into the night and forced himself to focus on what was truly important: getting rid of Camille and possibly survive the encounter.

When he finally stopped in an empty street he didn't waste any more time.

He closed his eyes, pushed all useless thoughts away and focused completely on his Sire as he had never done before, hoping that the second step of his plan would play out as smoothly as the first. He knew they shared a Bond and he knew it wasn't a one-sided one since they both had drunk from each other, so if their connection was as strong as Magnus had implied and it was true that she could use it to control him, then he should have been able to use it against her too. Theoretically.

_I just need to find her._

For the first time since his Turning Simon tried to take advantage of that awful binding string between them, not really sure about what he needed to do to achieve that, but luckily it seemed that his instincts already knew what he was supposed to do, because suddenly he felt an imposing urge to move and he gave in without questioning it, letting his body guide him where he wanted to go.

He didn't know where he was going nor how far he'd have to go, but he didn't care, he kept walking following that weird pull that became stronger or wavered if he went the right or the wrong way. _Whoa, better than a GPS._

Every now and then he lost his concentration and had to stop and focus once again on his Sire and his desire to find her, but surprisingly - and luckily - enough pretty soon the drive to move disappear and, eventually, he found himself in a clearly abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of the city.

_You've got to be kidding me._

He stared skeptically at the grimy walls and run-down building, not believing that Camille had hidden in such a crumbling place, especially since she probably had an undetermined number of flats and condos around New York, if not even all over the United States.

He was already thinking about a plan B when a loud noise distracted him.

He furrowed slightly his brow, sure that it had come from within the storehouse, and used his enhanced senses to understand if there was actually someone inside the edifice but, apart from some other faint sound, he couldn't feel anything else coming from in or out the building, not even a lingering smell.

He was pondering if going in would be a good idea or not - at least he wanted to know if his walk 'til there had been for nothing - when, in a blur, a man appeared in front of him and tackled him, slamming him on the ground before he could react. He uselessly thought that Raphael would be quite disappointed in his total inability to defend himself.

"Who are you?" the stranger hissed, fangs bared, proving he was a vampire, and that discovery didn't help Simon calm down.

For an instant he wondered if he should try to fight back but he discharged the idea as soon as it came to his mind; the vamp hadn't hurt him yet and didn't seem inclined to kill him, so he could still play it smart before things degenerated.

"I'm Simon," he said trying to keep his voice steady and willing his body to relax "I was just looking for someone but I think I got lost."

The man narrowed his eyes but didn't attempt to say anything so Simon took the hint and elaborated his answer.

"Listen dude, I don't want to cause any troubles, I just got nowhere to go and I need my Sire's help, and the Bond took me here, so..." he tried to shrug but his position didn't let him, so he just kept looking at the vamp that didn't seem convinced by his explanation.

"So you aren't from that Latino's Clan?"

It took him a moment to understand who he was referring to, and when Simon did get it he couldn't help but tense, wondering frantically what the hell this guy had to do with Raphael.

He was still evaluating which would be the best answer he could give when a smooth and sickeningly sweet voice interjected before he could utter anything.

"Took you long enough, little caramel, didn't it?"

A shiver ran down Simon's spine and as it often happened when he had to deal with his Sire, he felt torn in two: a part of him wanted to disappear and be as far away as possible from that creepy bitch, but another part was wallowing in the knowledge that Camille had been waiting for him.

Not for the first time he wondered if he was strong enough to resist the Bond and fulfill his mission.

"Let him go, Damian."

Simon scrambled to his feet the moment the vampire let him go, and despite his attempts he couldn't stop fidgeting with his hands, not sure about what would happen now.

"Let's go in. It's not safe to stay out here."

The vamp - Damian, his mind supplied rather uselessly - grabbed his arm and dragged him along, leaving him no choice but to follow them inside the warehouse.

When he stepped in an intense scent of vampires and magic hit him, surprising him, because it was so strong that he should have been able to smell it even from the outside.

Then he looked around and that oddity was pushed in the back of his mind, because what he was seeing was even more unexpected: if from the outside the warehouse seemed abandoned and ready to fall in rubble, the inside was elegant and spacious, obviously the result of a powerful magic.

The big space was divided in rooms - he could count at least ten doors from where he was standing - and there were a lot of vampires walking around, more than he'd supposed there would be; some were stretched on the couches, some others were feeding in front of the TVs, but what attracted his attention was the largest group that stood in a corner of the lounge, all sticking together and most of them with fear in their eyes.

 _Fledglings_. He deduced, and it wasn't hard to figure out why there were so many: Camille was creating a new Clan, she was preparing for war, and she wouldn't go down easily.

_Fuck, this looks worse than I thought._

He had to push aside those thoughts when his chaperon shoved him inside a room right after Camille and closed the door, effectively locking him with the former NY Clan Leader, alone and defenseless.

"I was wondering when you'd finally give in and come back to me." she said turning to look at him with a grin. "I have so many plans for you, darling, and I've never liked to wait."

"It's not like you couldn't have chosen someone else." he retorted "It seems you've kept yourself busy."

She chuckled and waved a hand around dismissively. "They're not as useful as you, my dear pet."

She flopped down on the expensive-looking sofa and beckoned him patting the spot at her side. Simon moved before even acknowledging that he was indeed moving and sat beside her, mildly scared by his seemingly non existent capacity to resist her wishes.

"Look at you," she whispered drawing near to him and putting a hand on his tight "so weak and hungry," he narrowed his eyes and tried to fight the disgust when he felt her lips trailing his jaw and then slide down towards his neck "we'll have so much fu-"

She stopped abruptly and sprang back, her brow furrowing a bit. Then a smirk that couldn't be described as nothing else but maniacal stretched her red mouth.

"Oh, darling, I knew you'd be useful," she let her claws brush his cheek, her eyes shining with apparent delight "but I didn't expect you'd make things _so_ easy for me."

He tried to understand what she was talking about but he couldn't think straight; his Sire's proximity was slowly winning over all his attention and in that moment he just wanted to tilt his head and bare his throat in submission, feeling partly proud for being useful in some way and partly terrified because he didn't want to feel that way.

He struggled to reorganize his thoughts, knowing that he couldn't lose himself to the Bond if he wanted to protect everyone. He clenched his fists, sticking his claws into his palms, and welcomed the pain that helped to keep himself grounded to reality.

"What...are you talking about?" he finally muttered, finding weird that Camille thought he could be useful in her project to retrieve her leadership. After all, he had been kicked out of the Clan, Raphael had put a kill order on him - well, that wasn't true anymore but she couldn't know it - and he wasn't a particularly strong fighter, so the only benefit she could gain from him were his ties with the Shadowhunters, and he wasn't sure how that could help her accomplish her goal.

Camille's smirk widened and, before he could stop her, she tore his tee and sank her fangs into his neck, exactly where Raphael had bitten him. He cried out and tried desperately to push her away but she didn't budge and kept drinking from him.

It hurt – _badly -_ and the excruciating pain overwhelmed him immediately, leaving him gasping for air that he didn't need and with bloody tears sliding on his cheeks while he pleaded her to stop.

When she finally pulled away Simon was a sobbing mess and didn't even understand why it had hurt so much.

In his pained haze he heard Camille ominously saying something like 'He'll come to take you back' but he was too far gone to understand what that meant, and then darkness enveloped him.

 

*******

 

When Clary and her group arrived at Magnus' flat the door was already open and the warlock was talking with somebody, and even if they could hear their voices they didn't understand who the guests were until they didn't step into the lounge: with a hard scowl on his face, his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth set into a firm line, Raphael Santiago stood in front of the warlock, flanked by three vampires that looked as much pissed off as their Leader.

Moving before thinking, Clary drew her Seraph's blade and got into a fight position, ready to attack and defend herself if necessary. Jace and Isabelle followed her example while, unexpectedly, Alec just walked over to his boyfriend and stopped beside him, seeming totally unfazed by the vamps' presence.

Seeing the Lightwood's calmness she relaxed a bit – still, she didn't lower her weapon and strode towards the undead group narrowing her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she spat out with all the hatred she was capable of.

The Clan Leader just looked at her with apparent disdain and after a terse "It is not of your business, Shadowhunter" turned his back, blatantly ignoring her.

She didn't have time to say anything else because one of Raphael's guards, a petite Asian girl, spoke up and interrupted her.

"How could you lose him?" she snapped angrily "Use your tricks, do whatever you want but find him!"

Magnus huffed and dropped carelessly on the couch the old and worn notepad he was holding in one hand. "Did you forget that vampires can't be tracked directly? I tried all the spells I could, to no avail. If Simon already found her, then Camille knows we are looking for her, and she'll hide until she deems it necessary. And I'm afraid she knows me well enough to know how to avoid my magic."

The girl growled deep in her throat. "There must be something you can do! You're the High fucking Warlock of Brooklyn!"

He merely shook his head, his fingers tightening around the necklace he still held. "All the things you brought aren't enough, they're not so strongly linked to her anymore, and even if they were I don't think it'd change anything." at that he scowled "She probably has some powerful charm shielding her from me."

One of the other vamps, a thin black boy, stepped forward and frowned. "So, what you're saying is that you're basically useless." he said pursing his lips.

The warlock's eyes glowed and he gasped, obviously offended by that statement.

"I'm doing everything I can, you dumb bat!" he snapped and pointed at the books haphazardly thrown on the small table and around his feet "But it's not so easy when I have little to nothing to work with, thank you very much."

Clary had never seen Magnus so distressed and evidently with no idea of what to do next, but what shocked her even more was the obvious concern the vampires were showing. She was confused about why they seemed so angry about Magnus' inability to keep Simon safe; she could relate since she felt the same disappointment and worry, but it actually didn't make any sense because the last time she checked they wanted him dead.

She watched with growing bewilderment the argument going on before her eyes, trying to understand what had happened to her friend and why the vamps were there in the first place, and when she attempted to interfere and was curly ignored by them, she just lost it.

She furrowed her brow and tightened her grip on the blade, then brought her free hand to her mouth and used her thumb and index finger to whistle as loudly as she could, effectively attracting everyone's attention.

They looked at her with different levels of annoyance on their faces, but she couldn't care less: she was worried sick, angry, highly confused and she wanted some damned answer already.

"Somebody tell me what happened." she ordered glaring at them one by one. " _Now."_

Raphael's guards hissed at her, obviously not appreciating a Nephilim trying to order them around, while the Clan Leader just raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, totally unimpressed by her attempt to take control of the situation.

Luckily Isabelle stood up for her and, stepping forward, she interjected before another discussion – or worse, a fight – could spark between them.

"What does it mean that you can't find Simon?" she asked withdrawing her whip "What happened exactly?"

Magnus sighed and threw the necklace on the small table. "We were talking, he wanted to know about his Sire Bond and then he just ran off." he grimaced "Well, not that I can blame him, nobody would want to be linked to that crazy bitch. It doesn't s-"

"So he didn't _actually_ disappear?"

Clary interrupted him, pushing for a complete explanation, and even if he didn't seem pleased by her intervention the man didn't complain so she continued. "Then he could just be wandering around the city, nothing to worry about. Right?"

The warlock shook his head. "I thought the same." he said ruefully "I was sure he just needed time to accept the news so I didn't worry too much and tracked him every now and then to make sure he was okay." he sighed "But an hour ago he just...vanished. I can't track him anymore, not even with his blood." he glanced at a small bowl filled with a dark red liquid that rested on his working table, and Clary cringed.

She had no idea how the warlock had obtained enough of Simon's blood to keep tracking him, but she was too worried to care about such details; if she had read well the situation, according to the meager information she put together her best friend was somewhere in the city with Camille - or at least looking for her - and they didn't have any means to find and rescue him. And knowing that, she freaked out.

"We have to save him!" she said raising her voice "She could kill him!"

"I'm trying, Biscuit, but I don't know what to do. I hope I'll find something useful in one of these dusty volumes, but 'til now I had no luck."

"There's to be something that we can do! Anything!"

For the first time since they got there Raphael acknowledged her presence; he suddenly turned towards her with a surly expression, and being at the receiving end of that dark look she had to resist the temptation to step back.

"If we knew what to do we wouldn't be wasting time." he sneered through gritted teeth, his eyes blazing with anger.

"Fuck off." she retorted and took a step forward, not caring about the dirty look he sent her way "This is your fault, it wouldn't be happening if you'd killed Camille when you had the chance."

She knew she was going too far; if he would've killed Camille she wouldn't have found the Book of the White and wouldn't have woken her mom up, but she was too angry, too worried, to think about the words that were flowing out of her mouth. The only thing she knew was that her best friend was in danger and she had to save him; she didn't have time to listen to a psychotic vamp that for whatever reason seemed concerned about the same person he had put a kill order on.

He just showed his fangs and glared at her, and she felt the pressing need to slap that worried and angry look off his face.

_How dares he?!_

"You have no right to get angry!" she shouted losing what little patience she had left "You kicked him out without hesitations!"

"And why do you think that happened?" he snapped back "It's on you if the fledgling betrayed me. You decided that that damned book was more important than his safety and helped him break Camille out, and this is the result." his words dripped venom and if she wasn't so mad she would have been scared to face this coldly furious and admittedly terrifying Raphael.

"His safety?! How dare you!? You don't give a fuck about Simon's safety!"

She was seeing red, the fury boiling in her veins too strongly to even try to control it. She just couldn't listen to that jerk blaming everything on her, because even though she knew that she could have done things better he too had done his part in the ordeal. And it didn't help that Raphael was the cause of her friend's sorrow; she couldn't forget the time she had passed watching her friend suffer in silence, missing the Clan and his home and despairing because his bloody mate had rejected him, because _Raphael_ had rejected him.

"You don't care about him!" she accused him with a harsh tone, her whole body shaking in anger "You shouldn't be here at all!"

And then Raphael growled viciously and the Asian girl had to actually hold him back grabbing his arm before he could lunge forwards.

Clary jumped back, taken aback by that reaction, and couldn't do anything more than stare at him with wide eyes and being shocked into silence because _what the hell?_

Jace and Izzy tensed and she knew they were ready to fight and protect her if the vamps decided to attack; even Alec, that until that moment had kept to himself, was looking warily at the Downworlders. Magnus, on the other hand, just rolled his eyes.

"Play nice, kids." he scolded them with an almost motherly flair "We all want the same, find that idiot before he gets himself killed, so there's no time for this useless quarrel. What's done is done, so let's move on and do something useful for once."

Both Clary and Raphael narrowed their eyes, but they said nothing. And then, for the second time in less the two minutes, Raphael shocked her with his reactions: he gasped and clawed his jacket, his face twisted in pain. It lasted no more than a second, and when it seemed to finish he furrowed his brow and straightened his back as if nothing had happened.

"He's with _her_." he then said with a clearly disgusted tone, ignoring the Shadowhunters' bewildered looks "We have to hurry."

Clary didn't understand what just happened, and glancing at her friends she saw on their faces the same confusion she felt. She couldn't help but stare at the Clan Leader, and even if he was composed once again she couldn't miss the concern that still lingered in his eyes.

_He does care about Simon..._

She didn't know what to do with that unexpected discovery but she couldn't dwell on it for too long because suddenly Magnus perked up and started to rummage through the books and the sheets of paper scattered here and there, crouching on the floor and mumbling to himself.

"It was here..." he muttered throwing behind his back what he didn't seem to need "It's not the best but it could work, I just have to find that spell..."

After a few minutes in which he refused their help to find whatever he was looking for, the warlock jumped on his feet and, with a flourish, showed them an old piece of paper that had seen better days, a tiny and hopeful grin curving his mouth.

"With this we should find him."

" _Should_?" Clary repeated doubtfully, raising an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound reassuring."

Magnus pursed his lips. "I'm quite sure that it'll work but, to be honest, I don't know how accurate it'll be."

She sighed and finally withdrew her Seraph's blade. "Fine, let's get on with it." she said knowing that that spell with undefined results was their only lead "What do I have to do?"

"Unfortunately, my dear, there's nothing you can do."

She glared at him. "What does that mean?"

"When we'll have tracked him you'll have all the chances you want to do your Shadowhunting stuff and fight for your friend," the warlock spoke softly, probably knowing that she was ready to kick his ass for turning her help down "but right now only Raphael has the means to locate Simon."

She looked at him incredulously, trying to assimilate those words, then she turned towards the Clan Leader to see his reaction, wordlessly challenging him to refuse to act now that they knew there was a way to find Simon and ready to use force to convince him if he did actually refuse to help.

She released a relieved sigh when he didn't hesitate for even a moment to repeat her same words.

"What do I have to do?"

 

*******

 

When Simon woke up it took him a moment to understand where he was.

He was sure that he had fainted on Camille's couch, but now he was laying on a bed in a lightly illuminated room. Even though he felt kinda nauseous and the room spun when he opened his eyes he tried to sit up, only to have a firm press on his shoulder push him down again.

"Don't move so fast, _sciocco_. You're too weak."

He turned his head just enough to look at the vampire that was looming over the bed, a tall and lean girl with dark eyes and short brown hair with a scowling expression on her young face.

"Drink this."

Simon glanced at the bag of blood that she was holding, the familiar hunger gnawing at him and threatening to shut down his already tested mind.

"Take it." she insisted looking annoyed and throwing the plastic sack on his lap "I don't have all night."

He was so tired and weak that he just dove in and forgot everything else until he didn't swallow the last drop of blood. After that he felt kinda ashamed by his lack of control even if he knew it was unavoidable since he hadn't fed properly for at least a week, but either way the stranger didn't seem to mind or care about his reaction so he decided to focus on the situation and what he'd next.

He tried to speak but his throat felt sore and dry and he end up coughing a couple of times before croaking out a shaky 'Who are-?', just to be interrupted right away by the other vampire.

"I'm the one asking the questions here."

Simon was about to protest but she raised a hand to shut him up.

"Camille seems pretty involved with you." she said tilting her head to the side with half-lidded eyes "Mind telling me why are you so special?" she pursed a bit her lips and seemed actually interested in finding out what he meant for the Leader.

Simon sighed. "I'm nobody. She just kind of like to torture me?" and it sounded more like a question than anything else.

"Oh, don't belittle yourself like that. Camille wouldn't put me on guard just because she likes to play with you. So tell me the truth and I won't have to hurt you."

The fledgling groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose as if trying to push a coming headache away. First his mate had rejected him, then Camille almost ripped his throat out drinking from him, and now this tanned-looking vamp was asking _him_ what the aforementioned bitch was planning?

"Hell if I know what that bitch wants for me...I'm just trying to kill her..." he muttered wearily before he could stop himself.

He widened his eyes and looked at his guard, panicked, sitting up despite her warnings and waiting for her to run out of the room and tell his Sire that he wasn't actually loyal to her – even if he suspected that she already knew that. Unexpectedly, the girl grinned.

"So she likes you but you don't like her." she said sitting down on the mattress.

Simon bit his lower lip and said nothing, not trusting her and not understanding what she was playing at, but she didn't seem to be waiting for an answer because she kept talking.

"It is unusual to find a vampire going around with one of these." she said showing what she was holding in her hand "Exactly, what were you planning to do with this?"

He glanced at the lighter and tensed, refusing to say anything that she could later use against him.

_Shit, I'm so screwed._

"Did you want to light her up? Because that's the dumbest plan I've ever heard." she smirked and let the lighter fall on his lap before continuing "It's a good weapon, I'll give you that, but actually try to set her on fire would be ineffective, you'd be dead long before having the opportunity to do it."

Simon scowled at her, not understanding why that girl was talking as though his intentions to kill their Sire were normal. And even if he was confused, as per usual, his brain-mouth filter failed him.

"Well, excuse me if I didn't expect her to go Turning people around like there's no tomorrow." he spat out irritated "I thought she'd be alone, or at least without so many vamps protecting her. And for your information I didn't think I would've survive even if I did get to kill her."

The girl stared at him for a second and then laughed loudly.

" _Oddio_ , how can you be so naive?" for the first time she smiled at him "She's been overthrown, of course she'd want an army. How could you not think about that?" she shook her head in exasperation.

_Good job Simon, you just met and she's already done with you._

"Erm...not that I'm complaining or anything, but you seem awfully okay with me wanting to kill Camille."

"Are you kidding me?" she said raising an eyebrow "It looks like you didn't catch on it, but I want her dead too and you're gonna help me."

Simon looked at her, bewildered, but she didn't acknowledge his confusion and just stood up walking towards the door.

"Let's go, _asso_ , come meet your fellow accomplices."

 

*******

 

Translations for this chapter:

_Sciocco_ → Italian for 'fool/stupid'

 _Oddio_ → Italian for 'Oh God'

 _Asso_ → Italian for 'ace', in this context meaning 'ace in the hole'.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I don't have much to say about this chapter! I just wanted to give Clary some space to admit that she actually is a shitty friend and needs to apologize and finally the plot is moving forward, yaaay!  
> I hope you liked it, and it'd make me really happy if you'd let me know what you thought of it! 
> 
> Love you guys <3 see you soon (I hope!)!!


	6. Hard to Say I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is confused before finding out the truth. Raphael is annoyed and just wants to find Simon. And Magnus does some sparkling magic. Camille is still a crazy, creepy bitch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG guys! Are you freaking serious?!?! More than 400 kudos? And almost 6000 hits! And all your lovely comments that incite me to write faster! I don't even know how to properly thank you all for your support, I love you, you're amazing <3
> 
> Okay, so before leaving you to the chapter, I have to say something. Some readers - here, on tumblr and on ff.net - told me that is pretty odd to put the dialogues between dash marks, and looking it up on google I found out that English and Italian (my mother tongue) have different ways to write down the direct speech. So, in this chapter I changed things a bit and wrote the dialogues between quote marks; it'd be awesome if you'd let me know which way you prefer :D honestly, I can use both, it doesn't bother me, I just want to use the one that makes the reading more comfortabe for you :D
> 
> Now, I won't bother you anymore! Good reading! I hope you'll like it <3

 

 

 

 

> _After all that we've been through,_
> 
> _I will make it up to you. I promise to.  
>  And after all that's been said and done,  
>  You're just the part of me I can't let go. _
> 
>  
> 
> _ Hard to say I'm sorry, by Chicago _

 

*******

 

Saying that Simon was stunned was an understatement.

For as hard as he was trying, he just couldn't find a valid explanation for that unexpected development, because there was no way that his plan 'RIP Camille' had failed before even starting and that the first vampire he met in the devil's coven was also trying to kill her and wanted his help. Coincidences like that just didn't happen in real life.

_Something's wrong._

He stood up, barely stumbling, and ignored the stranger's words, refusing to leave the room until he didn't get the answers he wanted. For what he knew everything could be a trap; this could be a test he had to pass if he wanted to live and be accepted by Camille's new Clan, and he couldn't afford a bad grade.

He scowled. “I don't trust you.” He eventually said.

The girl chuckled. “Good. I don't trust you either.” She grabbed the handle of the door and beckoned him “Now get off your ass and follow me. And be quiet, you're not supposed to get out of here.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You trust me enough to confess your murderous intentions and believe that I won't spill the news to Camille.” He pointed out raising an eyebrow, glad that at least he had something to bargain over if things got from bad to worse. He didn't know if that implicit blackmail would convince the vamp to keep her mouth shut about his real goal – even though, apparently, they had the same target – but at the moment the only thing he could do was hope that luck was on his part. “And I'm not moving until you don't tell me everything.” He added crossing his arms.

He was taken aback when the girl laughed out loud, openly, as if his threat was pointless and ridiculous, going as far as pretending to wipe away some tears from the corner of her eyes. He glared at her, annoyed by her reaction and waiting for her to stop.

“Oh dear, that's not really a secret around here.” She shook her head, an amused smirk still playing on her mouth “You're still the one at a disadvantage in this.”

“And I'm still not going anywhere with you.”

“You're really annoying.” She said rolling her eyes and finally letting her arm fall to her side. “You know that?”

Simon didn't even acknowledge the insult, used to far worse, and just glared harder, his eyebrows almost knitting together, trying to look threatening and miserably failing. And since he didn't have any other option he tried to play it smart using what little he knew against her. _Brain over muscles, isn't it?_

“If you don't answer my questions I won't help you.” He knew he had touched a raw nerve when she pursed her lips and, for the first time, looked slightly affected by his words, so he seized the moment and pushed further “For whatever reason you need me, so tell me what I want to know and I may decide to take part in your plan.”

The vamp narrowed her dark eyes, her body tense and still, and Simon tried to keep his calm when he saw her clench and unclench her fists, probably resisting the desire to attack.

_My only maybe-ally and I already pissed it off. Good job Simon._

“So, what's your choice?” He pushed again, trying his luck, hoping that his attempts to be demanding would break that useless impasse they were at.

In the blink of an eye all her posture changed; suddenly she relaxed and smirked, acting as though the situation didn't worry her at all.

“Need _you_?” She waved a hand around dismissively “You clearly aren't a fighter, you aren't particularly smart either if we consider that your weapon of choice was a lighter, so tell me, kid, what could you ever do for me?” She said wryly looking him up and down before snickering and crossing her arms over her chest. He, however, didn't fall for her act.

“Then why haven't you killed Camille already? You seem so eager to get rid of her.”

“I'm just waiting for the right moment.”

“Bullshit.” Simon took a step forward, tired to play cat and mouse. “You didn't kill her because you _can't_. You need me. Admit it and let's move on, you're wasting my time.”

They glared at each other, both refusing to step down, and Simon couldn't help but grin smugly when the girl rolled her eyes and threw her arms up.

“ _E va bene_.” She huffed clearly annoyed “You win.”

She marched towards him and then flopped down on one of the chairs. He followed her example and sat down on the edge of the bed, right in front of her.

The silence dragged on for some minutes until the girl didn't huff again. “Are you gonna speak anytime soon or all that complaining you did was just to annoy me?”

Simon started fidgeting with the strings of his sweatpants, suddenly nervous and without a precise idea of what he should ask first, so he just poured out all the questions in his mind one after the other.

“Why do you think I'm special for Camille? And what does it mean that she knows that you want to kill her? And if that's true how are you still alive? And if I'm really that important why she trusted you to be my guard? And what are her plans? Why am I locked here? Do you know what/”

“ _Whoa_ , stop there baby. One at a time, would you? I've got super hearing but that was too much even for me.”

Simon wasn't pleased to be called 'baby' by a stranger but he didn't complain, there were more important things he had to worry about, so he just kept staring expectantly at her, waiting for some answer to be said. Finally.

“I don't know why Camille needs you, okay? She just brought you here and put a guard on the door, but I can say that she looked freaking satisfied as if Christmas had come sooner this year. That's why I volunteered to take the guard's place, I thought you were some kind of ace in the hole or something.”

“But I'm not. I'm just a fledgling she made when she was bored.” He ran a hand through his hair, his mind spinning and considering all the possibilities. “So? Nothing else to add?” He huffed “Do you even know _anything_?”

She rolled her eyes once again, this time so dramatically that he feared they would roll off her head. “I just wanted to get rid of you, not gather info. I didn't expect you'd want to kill her.”

“She murdered me.” he spat before he could stop himself “It's her fault if I'm a vampire. And I'm not the only one. She has to pay for everything she has done.”

“Uh, your reasons are commendable,” She said, and Simon couldn't tell if she was serious or just mocking him. “But I have to admit that it's pretty impressive that you want to kill your Sire, not a lot of vamps try to resist the Bond.”

He huffed. “She deserves to die. And what is your motivation, anyway?”

The girl stiffened a bit and diverted her eyes, nibbling her lower lip and looking slightly uncertain. Eventually she sighed and looked back at him.

“Camille knows I hate her and that I'm just waiting for a chance to stake her.” She said “But unfortunately she also knows I can do nothing.”

“What do you mean?”

“She has my mate. I can't attack without the certainty that I'll succeed...if I try and fail, my mate will die.”

Simon was taken aback, not really expecting that answer, and didn't know what he was supposed to say after that confession so he just kept asking questions.

“Why she didn't kill you?”

“I'm one of the few experienced fighters she has.” She snorted. “She can't afford to lose me so she's blackmailing me with Malia's life.”

“How?”

“She's one of the fledglings.” She said lowering her voice “That bitch Turned her a couple weeks ago, and for a newly Turned vampire is even harder to resist its Sire's demands...if I try anything she'll use that fucking Bond to force Malia to go watch a sunrise.”

“Wait, your mate was a mundane? And she knew you're a vampire?” He asked surprised, getting distracted for a moment by that admission: he didn't know that a Downworlder's mate could be a normal human being and he wondered how it worked when it came to Marks and Bonds.

“So what?” She retorted seeming on guard “It's more common than you think. And she was special, she had the Sight, I couldn't have fooled her about my nature even if I wanted to.” She shook her head, a tiny smile curving her mouth while she probably remembered something funny happened with her partner, but that peaceful expression vanished soon enough. “I hoped that you'd give me the opportunity to get rid of her Sire, but it seems you're useless.”

He wrapped and unwrapped the string of his sweats around a finger, trying to reorganize his thoughts.

He could understand the girl's reasons, could empathize with her need to protect her mate, and he decided on the spot that he'd do whatever he could to help her – he was there to protect and help as many people as he could, after all. The problem was that he didn't know what to do next; he was locked in that room and didn't know what Camille was planning, and he couldn't forget that, from the little he'd seen, she had at least fifty vamps at her command, and even if most of them were fledglings without training they would rip apart whoever stood in her way or die in the attempt to do so.

“Okay,” he finally said furrowing his brow “what do you know about her plans?”

“Nothing.” She snapped. “It seems she changed her mind at the last minute.”

“About what?” He said exasperatedly, not understanding why she couldn't just spit everything out without any input from his part; all that soliciting he had to do to get her to talk was getting pretty annoying.

“She created her new Clan to go to war, and we all were preparing for a surprise attack at that old hotel, but after you arrived...” She shook her head “Now she thinks her enemies will come here and not the other way around.”

“She wanted to attack the DuMort?” Simon's eyes widened considerably. “She's not just after the Leader?”

“From what I've heard she already tried to get rid of Santiago but it didn't work out. And even if it had, she wants to wipe out the whole Clan.” She caught his confused expression and rolled her eyes. “She has no need for a Clan that accepted another boss so easily.”

“Fuck...this is worse that I thought...” Simon ran his hand over his face a couple times, trying to ignore how much they were shaking. “Why does she think they will come here?” he finally asked.

“Don't know, I was hoping you'd tell me since it's clearly your doing.”

A tense and heavy silence fell upon them, and even if he was trying desperately to keep calm he just couldn't push away that crawling fear that was slowly taking over his mind.

_This is bad. This is a new level of bad! What am I supposed to do now?_

He tried once again to reorganize his thoughts, struggling to put everything together, but there were too many things he didn't know, he lacked too many information, and without them he couldn't even try to come up with a plan.

He tried to calm down and took a deep breath and then another one, hoping that that unnecessary habit would help him get a grip over his raging emotions.

_Calm down. It's not too late._

It didn't matter if he couldn't understand her plans, he could still get rid of her before things went to hell.

“What's your plan?” He eventually said staring straight at the girl.

She didn't answer and raised an eyebrow so he asked again.

“Your plan to kill Camille.” He specified. “I want to help. What do I have to do?”

 

*******

 

Raphael was a collected man. Sure, he had his moments and sometimes when he was seriously annoyed he could lose his composure and bare his fangs a little, but he knew how to control himself and think before acting.

He also considered himself a patient man – he'd waited half a century for the perfect occasion to overthrow Camille, after all, he knew what patience was - so when he heard the Shadowhunters approach he thought that he would've been able to endure their company for some time, just until he didn't know how to find Simon. It wasn't much, he could do that for his mate.

Apparently, he was wrong. Because, apparently, that redheaded Nephilim was more annoying than he had thought it was possible.

He had been doing a great job ignoring her loud voice until it didn't become too much even for him. He could understand her worry and fury – when he'd gotten there he'd been so angry that he'd almost attacked Magnus for not keeping Simon safe – but he did know that all that complaining was useless and counter-productive.

He was the first one ready to tear the city apart if that meant finding Simon safe and sound, but he was mature enough to know that at the moment the warlock was the only one that could do something to help and that yelling at him and whining would take them nowhere. They were just wasting time, any second that passed was a step closer that Simon took towards that bitch, and he wouldn't let her put her filthy hands on him again.

So, it wasn't really his fault if he snapped at the redhead hoping she'd read between the lines and would finally shut her mouth and let them think about a solution. But apparently Clarissa Fairchild always wanted to have the last word and they ended up arguing even though it was exactly what he was trying to avoid.

They accused each other for that outcome, and even if he was annoyed he managed to keep his composure. At least until she didn't cross the line. Her last words resounded painfully in his head, snapping what little self-control he still had.

“You don't care about him! You shouldn't be here at all!”

Raphael was a collected man, but he had his limits, and listening to Simon's supposed best friend he couldn't help but growl threateningly. That girl didn't have any right to assume what he felt or didn't, she knew _nothing_ about him or his feelings or about how much he cared for that adorably annoying fledgling that had torn him apart when he had chosen _her_ over him. He was so furious that Lily had to actually hold him back before he could do something he'd later regret.

Eventually Magnus interjected to stop their argument, forcing them to focus once again on the emergency at hand. He felt slightly ashamed for letting that brat provoke him and make him snap like that, but he couldn't dwell on it too long because suddenly a jolt of pain struck him, making him wince. It wasn't as intense as the previous ones but it still hurt enough to make him gasp and claw his jacket in discomfort. It wasn't hard for him to identify the emotions sent through the Bond, they were clear and obvious and made his stomach twist with worry, because Simon was scared and in pain, and that could only mean one thing: he had found Camille. Or Camille had found him.

_Maldiciòn!_

“He's with _her_.” He spat angrily, disgusted by his incapacity to protect a member of his family, and ignoring blatantly the bewildered looks the Nephilim were sending his way he addressed the warlock. “We have to hurry.”

He stared hopefully at Magnus when he suddenly perked up and started to rummage through his things before showing them an old piece of paper, and he had to suppress the need to smirk when the warlock turned down the redhead's help; he was aware that it wasn't the time to dwell on such frivolous sensations but it was kind of satisfying to know that he was the only one that could help Simon even if he still didn't know why.

He could feel the girl's glare try to burn a hole in his back and ignored it, totally unaffected. He didn't need to be convinced by any silent threat, he was already willing to do whatever he had to find Simon, and the Shadowhunter was just getting on his nerves.

“What do I have to do?” he eventually said, having no idea about how he could find his mate, and the warlock smiled softly before beckoning him to his working table.

Raphael raised questioningly an eyebrow when Magnus handed him over the small bowl filled with Simon's blood and a dagger and then motioned for him to cut himself and pour some of his blood into it.

“I don't know if this is going to work,” The warlock took the little container now also filled with the Leader's blood “but it's our best shot.” He started to add different ingredients into the bowl after peeking quickly at the yellowed sheet. “Even if you drank from him the amount of his blood in your veins is probably not enough for the spell to run smoothly, but mixing them should help work around that.” he explained without even looking up.

Raphael nodded absently and crossed his arms over his chest, staring in silence at his longtime friend while he kept bustling about the small vials and notes scattered over the dark wood table, wondering once again why his blood was necessary and how that would help them. As if reading his mind Magnus glanced at him with the corner of an eye and grinned.

“You're smarter than that, Santiago.” He teased continuing to stir the potion.

The vamp furrowed his brow, not understanding what the other was talking about, and the warlock raised an eyebrow and looked at him as if saying _'you're an idiot'_.

“You really thought you could keep it a secret?” he said rolling his eyes.

And then it finally hit Raphael and he had to resist the urge to groan because _of course_ Magnus knew about the Mark, he was a Downworlder too and had probably sensed it the moment he had put it on Simon, and he was an idiot for not realizing it right away.

He was about to retort when the warlock straightened his back and smiled openly. “Done.” he announced turning towards his guests “Let's see if it works.”

Bane closed his eyes and tightened his hold on the bowl, his brow furrowing a bit in concentration. Bright blue sparks shimmered around his joined hands and every person in the lounge stared at him with hope and trepidation, waiting for his response.

Everything but the warlock vanished, pushed in the back of Raphael's mind, unimportant and irrelevant, while time seemed to slow down as if refusing to pass by, every second stretching out endlessly and prolonging his agony.

Deep in his chest he could still feel Simon's fear and pain through the Bond, not sufficiently strong to hurt him but tangible enough to prevent him from calming down. He knew that if he still had a beating heart it would be hammering furiously against his rib-cage, the worry for his mate almost overwhelming.

He had to resist the urge to hiss and lash out when Magnus lowered his arms and looked at them apologetically.

"The signal is too faint." he said laying the bowl on the table. "I can't pinpoint his location." he picked up the sheet with the charm, glancing at it in search of something that maybe he had missed during the preparations.

"We could use Jace and Alec's parabatai tracking." The redheaded Shadowhunter interjected, her voice wavering a little. "It should be stronger, no? It could work!"

It was evident that she was clutching at straws, desperately trying to find another answer, and Raphael knew that it was pointless even before the warlock spoke.

"If this didn't work I doubt anything else will. Raphael's blood was our best shot."

"Take my blood then!"

"I'm sorry, Biscuit, it doesn't work like that."

The girl was fuming, not understanding, having no idea about the Mark, about the connection that now linked the fledgling and the Clan Leader. She was clearly worried and scared, probably frustrated because she couldn't do anything to help her friend, and for the first time in his life Raphael found himself empathizing with a Shadowhunter.

He had hoped that his blood would've overcome the wall that separated him from Simon, but apparently his Mark wasn't strong enough to achieve that. But it wasn't the moment to despair: if Magnus couldn't find his mate, then he would do it by himself.

He couldn't waste any more time so he focused immediately on his next move, deciding how to best divide the city into zones to speed up the search, selecting the best trackers of the Clan to look for and follow Simon's scent, calculating exactly how may hours they still had before the sunrise. He was already planning everything out when the truth behind the warlock's words hit him.

Ignoring everyone he grabbed Magnus and pulled him aside, away from prying ears and confident that Lily, Elliott and Stan would keep the Nephilim away. He could feel their glares on him, but he couldn't care less and focused instead on the highly confused warlock.

"You've got a signal." said Raphael with a light scowl.

Magnus looked at him questioningly but confirmed it. "It was faint, but it was clearly there."

"That means that whatever spell is shielding Camille it's not working on the fledgling. At least not totally."

The other nodded. "That's why I needed your blood. I expected the Mark to interfere with the charm, but I was hoping for something stronger." he pursed his lips, evidently dissatisfied with the result. "It isn't enough to find out where he is."

Raphael didn't know how the warlock would react or if his idea could actually be put into practice, but he knew it was their last resort, so he didn't hesitate and, narrowing his eyes, he admitted his sin.

"I Bonded with Simon." he ignored the way Magnus' eyes widened and kept talking. "If with just a Mark you got a signal, with a Bond you should be able to track him, even if it's a one-sided one."

He knew that the warlock wanted to ask, argue, kick his ass or something along those lines and that when everything would be over he would be scolded like a child for messing up so bad, but he was willing to undergo an embarrassing reproof if that meant having Simon back. Hell, he would even accept to be called 'son' by the eccentric warlock that considered himself some sort of father figure for him.

"Don't even think that this conversation is over." Magnus said, his eyes glowing for an instant "But you're right, this way it should work."

He retrieved the bowl and handed it over to Raphael.

"It's not going to be easy." He then said furrowing his brow. "If you were properly bonded it would've been definitely better."

Even if he was tempted Raphael didn't point out that they would never be properly bonded and that, as soon as he could, they would break the link and erase the Mark, leaving Simon free to choose whoever he wanted; instead he kept silent and waited for the warlock to wrap his hands over his, effectively keeping them glued to the bowl.

“Don't let go.” Magnus instructed tightening his hold. “Clear your mind of everything that's useless and focus on Simon. Don't fight the Bond, let it guide you.” Raphael didn't know how he was supposed to do that but he tried nonetheless, letting the soothing sound of the warlock's voice wash over him and calm his nerves. “This time you aren't waiting for his feelings to reach you, you have to chase after them, you need to know everything he is feeling right now.”

The vamp hesitated for a moment, not very happy with the idea of violating Simon's privacy like that, but if taking advantage of that awful Bond was the only way to find him before it was too late, then he wouldn't step down. He took a calming deep breath, squeezing tightly his fingers around the bowl, and did what he was told, focusing on his mate and trying to reach for him.

It was as if a barrier had been teared down, and suddenly all the fledgling's emotions flowed freely towards him like a waterfall, almost overwhelming him. The fear and the pain he'd felt before were the strongest ones, but they were just the tip of the iceberg. Under those dominant feelings there was a chaotic turmoil rumbling violently, so confusing that he couldn't quite determine exactly what the other was feeling; what he did pull out from that mess was that Simon loved his friends and family, that he was desperately longing for something or someone, that he hated profoundly Camille and that a deep sense of guilt was tearing him apart.

Truth to be told, he wasn't ready for it; he was so affected by that river of emotions that if Magnus' hands hadn't been over his own he would have dropped the bowl even if that meant breaking the spell.

The blue sparks around their joined fingers became brighter until they didn't envelop up to their forearms, and it was then that Magnus grinned happily at him with glowing eyes.

“Got him.”

 

*******

 

When Simon found out that Melissa – his unexpected new accomplice – didn't have a plan, he wasn't sure if he should have laughed or banged repeatedly his head against the wall.

“You're the worst murderer wannabe I've ever met.” He had said resisting the temptation to facepalm.

She had huffed annoyed but hadn't looked truly offended by his words. “I was planning to take advantage of the attack to the DuMort. With all the chaos I would've had more chances.”

Obviously that plan wasn't applicable anymore since Camille was waiting for her enemies to go to her and not the other way around, and even after long thinking and considering they couldn't come up with a decent idea, so they just decided to use her same plan against her, preparing a surprise attack with the few vamps that wanted her dead and waiting for the sun to rise. It wasn't exactly what he was hoping for and he was aware that that plan sucked even more than his previous one, but if that bitch was right and his friends were on his way there to rescue him then he didn't have time to spare. He couldn't take any chances now, it was too dangerous.

He was still perplexed by Camille's sudden change of plans and he still didn't know how his friends could find him; from what Melissa had told him the she-devil had handsomely paid a warlock to shield the warehouse and everyone inside from any kind of tracking magic, and since the spell was still working it should have been impossible for them to find him. And even if they did find him, they wouldn't be able to enter the building because, apparently, the spell not only shielded them from any tracking magic, but it also prevented anyone to go in or out.  _Just my luck._

Simon sighed, tired of thinking over and over again about the same things and trying uselessly to distract himself by staring at the walls of his prison/room.

Those hours of distressing wait 'til the sunrise were killing him, and although he knew that attacking during the day when vampires were most vulnerable was the best choice – even if it was dangerous for them too – he was starting to think that it would've been better to act right away. He couldn't take it anymore, he was stressed, he was scared, he was sure that he wouldn't survive the night and he wished he had said a proper goodbye to the people he cared for. But, if he had to be honest, what was truly tormenting him was the view of the cuddly couple in front of him: after introducing his allies to him, Melissa had pulled her mate onto her lap, wrapping her arms around her waist and speaking softly in her ear, and they still were in that position, with Malia dozing off with her head resting on Melissa's shoulder. They were admittedly adorable, and it was kind of nice to see how two Marked and Bonded mates interacted with each other, but it also reminded him of what he couldn't have. Honestly, in his last hours of life he didn't want to cry over his unrequited feelings, that would be kinda pathetic.

He grimaced and the other vamp noticed it.

“You nervous?” She teased with a smirk. “You should enjoy this night, _raggio di sole,_ in a few hours you could kick the bucket.”

Simon rolled his eyes. “I was just thinking that you're cute together.” He said shrugging a bit. “It's evident that you love each other and that your bond is strong.” His mouth curved into a sad smile that he couldn't quite hide. “I wish I had something like that too.”

Melissa tilted her head to the side. “Does your mate treat you badly?” She asked looking at him clearly puzzled

“What? Oh no, I don't have a mate.”

She seemed even more confused by his answer and narrowed her eyes. “You don't?”

Simon chuckled nervously, wishing he hadn't opened his mouth. “Well, I found my mate but...he rejected me.” He gulped and diverted his eyes. “I don't want to talk about it.”

Apparently she couldn't care less about his desire to avoid that particular topic because she kept pestering him. “If your mate rejected you, who Marked you?”

That definitely drew his attention. “What are you talking about?” He asked with wide eyes.

“I can clearly smell someone all over you.” She huffed “But it seems he's not a vamp that I personally know so I can't recognize the poison's scent.”

“You're wrong, nobody Marked me.” She raised an eyebrow and looked at him skeptically “I'm not that stupid! I'd know if someone Marked me!” He snapped standing up on his feet.

“Listen kid, it looks like you didn't notice and I'm sorry that you had to find out like this, but you've been Marked, and you better remember who bit you if you want to get rid of that thing.”

“Camille was the last one, but I don't/” He stopped mid-sentence, feeling like he was about to pass out.

_It can't be...it's not possible..._

He sat down again before his trembling legs could cave in, and Melissa stared at him with a worried expression.

“Are you okay?” She asked, and when he didn't answer she spoke again “Don't worry, it isn't something permanent, you can erase it whenever you want. I'm sure there's a way to do that even if you don't know who did it.”

Simon shook his head. “I know who did it...” He whispered without lifting his gaze from the floor. “And I know why Camille changed her plans.”

“What?”

An all too known wetness stung his eyes and he closed them, trying to hold back the tears and failing.

Raphael had Marked him. In his poisoned haze Raphael had Marked him as his own, without meaning it. And Camille had sensed that Mark and recognized the scent the moment she had been close to him, and now she wanted to take advantage of that.

Raphael had Marked him, and for as crazy as it sounded that could mean only one thing: he was Raphael's mate.

_No...no, no, no, please...I can't..._

He was Raphael's mate and the Clan Leader had rejected him, and that hurt as if he'd been staked through the heart; with time he knew he would learn to accept his mate's rejection, but knowing that they would never be together even if they were meant to be, even if they were made for each other was too much, he wasn't sure he could handle it.

He knew he couldn't let his feelings take over his mind, and he knew that being rejected wasn't even the worse part. Now he remembered Camille's words, that ominous 'He'll come to take you back' that had accompanied him while he drifted away from consciousness. She thought that Raphael would fight to take him back, and even if he knew that that wouldn't happen it still worried him: he was trying to kill Camille to protect his mate, the Clan and everybody else, to make amend for his mistakes and fix what he had wrecked, and just the idea that the same people he was trying to save and was willing to die for were rushing straight into that devil's trap was agonizing and terrifying.

_I won't let that happen._

He felt a strong grip on his shoulder and he looked up at Melissa and Malia.

“What's wrong?”

“She wants to use me against Raphael...” He whispered trying to wipe off his now bloody cheeks “She thinks he'll come for me, but he _won't_ , he rejected me and I should be happy because this way he won't get hurt, but I can't stop the tears, and it's so annoying!” He said raising his voice and pushing away Melissa's hand, not wanting a stranger's pity.

He stood up abruptly and started pacing the room, felling angry and ashamed for breaking down after managing to get there. He punched the wall and welcomed the physical pain that distracted him from the emotional one, and then he made up his mind and stared at the other two vampires.

“We have to attack now.” He said with a surprisingly steady voice. “I don't think anybody will come, but if she's right I won't let her hurt my mate or my friends.”

Melissa pursed her lips. “I think he'll come.” She said crossing her arms; she was smart, she knew who this 'Raphael' was and had picked up on what was going on even if he hadn't been particularly thorough with his rambling – still, Simon furrowed his brow when she said that.

“He won't. He doesn't care about me.”

_Oh Go-, it hurts so much saying that out loud..._

“I know how this mates-thing works.” The Italian insisted, furrowing her brow “Even if he doesn't care he will come.” she repeated once again without any hint of doubt in her stern voice.

And Simon could only turn on his heels and storm out the room, ready to kill Camille or to die trying.

_She must go down. Now._

 

*******

 

Translations for this chapter:

_E va bene_ → Italian for 'Fine'

 _Maldiciòn!_ → Dammit!

 _Raggio di sole_ → Italian for 'sunshine'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was the 6th chapter! It took me a little longer to write it down, but really, Raphael's POV is impossible for me @_@ hope that I didn't messed it up too badly XD  
> So, guys, I've got some news for you...I found a job and I'll start working next week; since I'll work full-time (around 7-8 hours/day) I won't have a lot of free time to write, so it'll probably take me more than two weeks to update D: I'll do my best to update as fast as I can, I promise <3
> 
> Let me know what you tought of this chapter, your support is what get this story going *kiss*


	7. A Dios Le Pido

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is finally happening.  
> Does someone even remember this story?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh, hi? Honestly, I don't even know what the heck I'm supposed to say right now...it took me almost two years before going back to this story, so an apology for everyone that was waiting for this update doesn't really cut it. Iìm the first one to complain when i find a story that's unfinished, and then I've done the same...I'm sorry, it won't happen again. I won't say that I'll upload frequently, but I promise that I will get this story done <3  
> So, hoping that someone is still interested in this, I won't bother you anymore, good read!!

 

> _Y que si me muero sea de amor_ __  
>  _Y si me enamoro sea de vos_ _  
>  _ _Y que de tu voz sea este corazón_ _  
>  _ _Todos los días, yo ... a Dios le pido_
> 
>  
> 
> _ A Dios Le Pido, by Juanes _

  
  


***

  
  


Simon knew that letting his emotions guide him in that way would only bring troubles, but he couldn't stop himself from be off like a shot after finding out that he was Raphael's mate. It was like all his admittedly limited self-control had ditched him at the last minute, leaving behind only anxiety and fear: one thing was to forfeit his life trying to save everyone, another one was to risk his loved one's in the process.

If Camille was right – and at the moment he was pretty damn sure she was – his friends (and maybe even Raphael) were on their way to rescue him, walking straight into that devil's trap, and since that was exactly what he was trying to avoid he knew he had to do something immediately. Considering that it'd been a couple of hours since he'd ran away from Magnus, he didn't have a lot of time to waste: knowing the Shadowhunters' ways and his friends' skills he knew that it wouldn't be long before they found him, magical barrier or not. He just hoped that hastening his and Melissa's plan wouldn't fuck things up – it was a surprise attack, after all, a couple of hours of advance wouldn't change that much,  _right?_ And, anyway, he had a plan B ready in case the attack didn't work out, and a plan C too, just to be sure; what worried him was that he was a terrible strategist and he was conscious that his plans weren't all that good so, yeah, it would've been better if everything came along without any hitch at their first try.

Once out of the room he took a deep breath and slowed down, trying to keep some composure and to go unnoticed. While walking he could feel the dagger Melissa had given him press against the skin of his back, barely hidden under his torn shirt; it was cold and felt heavy and foreboding, and just thinking about what he was about to do with it sent cold shivers down his spine. 

He slowly approached his target, one little step forward after the other, knowing that this was a 'fight or flight' situation and that he couldn't allow himself to flee. Oddly enough, despite the tension, he felt ready for it; e ven if he was painfully aware that he would only have one chance to kill Camille and that failing would bring kinda catastrophic consequences, he wasn't particularly scared, just carefully alert, his whole body taut as a rope and ready to jump on his prey. Apparently, getting to the point of not worrying about his own life gave him a nonchalant and carefree attitude. _Who knew_ .

When he got to the lounge - exactly as they had predicted - Camille was there, giving orders and explaining how they would kill all their enemies and what would happen once they got rid of them, because _of course_ she was super-confident that she'd win the war. All the Clan's members seemed excited and eager to fight, even most of the fledglings.

_I can do this. I have to do this._

With a quick glance Simon located Damian, the bitch's second-in-command and surely the most dangerous vamp in her newly founded Clan. Melissa had said that he'd been working for his Sire since the day she had Turned him, remaining disgustingly loyal to Camille and following her every order; he even ditched the NY Clan when Raphael had overthrown the bitch, following her in disgrace. Simon knew that in a direct confront he wouldn't stand a chance against him, he was stronger and more experienced, and that's why he would go straight for the devil while the others distracted Damian and her guards. 

Or, well, that was the plan  _before_ storming out of his prison without giving Melissa the opportunity to actually get the others ready to fight. Now he was on his own until his accomplices didn't join him, and he wasn't sure about how much time they'd take to do that.

He hesitated for half a second, pondering for the first time if it was smart to just attack right away or if it'd be actually safer to wait for some much-needed backup, and that instant of hesitation was his doom, because Camille noticed him.

“You shouldn't be out of your room, little pet.” she said with an annoyingly singsonging voice “Who let you out?”

It wasn't his best move, he admitted that much, but he had to act before she could order her henchmen to catch him and lock him up again. So it really wasn't his fault if he reacted automatically and, with a weird sense of déjà-vu, hurled the dagger towards her with all his might hoping that this time around he'd get to kill his target.  _It still is a surprise attack, isn't it?_

Well, it worked. More or less.

The good news: it hit the vamp straight to the heart, killing her right away. 

The bad ones: it wasn't Camille.

_Fuck._

He took a step back as he saw one of the guards threw herself in front of Camille, taking the dagger in her place and exploding into thin dust a second later.

_I'm dead. I'm so, so dead._

Before he could even think that fleeing would be a great idea, Damian was on him, twisting painfully his wrist behind his back and squeezing his throat with a strong hold. Simon hissed and tried uselessly to get free. 

Camille shook her head and pursed her red-painted lips.

“Take him away.” she said waving a hand around “I'll be there in a moment.”

Damian didn't hesitate to follow the order and dragged him away, shoving and forcing him to walk towards one of the nearby rooms. When he was pushed inside Simon tried to turn around and face the bodyguard, but apparently the other was expecting a similar reaction because he punched him right away and knocked him down.

“Stay put.” Damian growled showing his sharp fangs off, towering menacingly over the fledgling. 

“Or what?” Simon retorted while glaring at him, stumbling barely on his feet when he got up.

The guard hissed and took a step forward, clearly ready to slit his throat out, but before things could go south Camille marched into the room, her high heels ticking annoyingly with her every step.

“Honestly, you've been more trouble than what you're wroth.” she said pursing again her lips “Have you any idea how hard is it to keep this perfect hair?” she complained crossing her arms over her chest “That girl was the best hairdresser ever.”

Simon didn't have any idea which answer she was hoping for, but it seemed that his silence and his glare wasn't it because she frowned and then shook her head.

“I'm disappointed in you. ” the bitch eventually said, looking at him with faked hurt in her eyes and Simon just hissed at her, only keeping his mouth shut and holding back from telling her to go fuck herself because he knew that he was already in deep without openly insulting his Sire.

“Do you want to die that badly? And what was your great plan anyway?” she asked seeming actually interested in the answer “Kill me and then let my Clan kill you? Not a great plan, little caramel, let me tell you that.”

“At least you'd be dead.” He spat angrily, clenching his fists. She just laughed, amused.

“Oh, always so melodramatic.” she pushed a strand of dark hair over her shoulder and smiled. "We have an unbreakable bond, my dear, my death would affect you in a way you can't possibly understand."

"I'll take my chances."

She just laughed again. “Let's be honest, little pet, you don't want to kill me, far from it, actually." She smirked deviously. "You  _need_ me.”

Simon's first instinct was to hiss again and tell her she was wrong, that there was no way in hell that he would ever need her, but he couldn't say it out loud, something stopped him before he could deny her words, something that he was too scared to identify. 

“You have nowhere to go, Simon. You lost your family, your Shadowhunter friends don't really care about you, and even the Clan wants you dead, your mate included." she was getting closer with every word, approaching him slowly “But you have me, my dear, you'll always have me." 

Simon shook his head and took a step back, trying to keep her away. "No, you're wrong, you don't know anything..."

She grabbed his wrist to stop his retreat. "I'm the only one you have left, the only one you can trust, and the only one that can give you what you really need.”

When they were almost chest to chest, Camille caressed his cheek and smiled. 

“I know what you want.” She whispered, her voice was sweet and mellow, and even if Simon knew that he shouldn't listen to her, that her words were his worst enemy, he couldn't fight that persuasive tone that, slowly but inexorably, was trapping him. “You want to stay with me...” she moved her hand from his face to the back of his neck, scratching lightly the thin hair “you want to please me,” she forced him to lower his head, and all of Simon's attention focused on the blood that run under her pale skin “so do it.”

Simon closed his eyes and swallowed, trying to push away the burning hunger that was threatening to overcome his senses, but with every second it became harder and harder to ignore it, especially when Camille scratched her bare shoulder and let her blood stain her skin and her smell linger around them.

“Come on darling,” she tempted him again, pushing his head down every time he tried to distance himself, knowing that he was on the verge of yielding. “No one will blame you if you surrender.” 

Simon found himself nodding at her words, thinking that she had a point and that nobody would get hurt if he did drink some of her blood to quench his thirst, that nothing would change if he postponed his assassination's attempt for a couple more minutes, especially now that his target had found out his intentions. He needed time to get another plan ready, after all, didn't he? 

Part of him knew those weren't his real thoughts, that he had to fight the hold the Bond was trying to get on him before it was to late; he knew that her words were lies, but he couldn't ignore them, he couldn't, he was so thirsty and she was asking so nicely.. _._

He opened his eyes, staring her red-stained shoulder and feeling his whole body burn with need.

“I'm here for you, Simon.” she said sweetly "It's okay, so do it." She finally ordered with more force than before, probably sensing the Bond working against his will and winning the battle, knowing that he wouldn't resist anymore. “ _Now_.”

His mind shut down and he groaned and attacked her neck, sinking his fangs in it and letting the blood flow into his awaiting mouth. Everything around him vanished, all his world narrowed down to that single vein because nothing mattered but his need. He kept drinking greedily from his Sire until she didn't grab his hair and yanked his head back, making him whimper from the loss. She laughed amused by his reaction and shoved him back, just enough to make him loose his balance and fall on his ass.

"How are you feeling now, darling?"

Simon looked up at her trying to concentrate on the words, but he couldn't think, let alone answer, too dazed by the amount of blood suddenly filling his almost dried veins, feeling the Bond strengthening and leaving him in a drunk-like state. He was dizzy and couldn't focus on anything, could only stare at his Sire with widened eyes, not a single coherent thought in his empty mind.

Apparently Camille wasn't looking for an answer and was satisfied with his reaction to her blood, because she smiled widely, kneeling at his side, patting his head and ruffling his hair as if he were a child, and Simon leaned towards her hand, basking in the attention she was giving him.

"This is how I want you to behave." She said chuckling a bit "It's not so hard, is it?" Simon nodded and Camille smirked. "Now, who am I, little pet?"

"My Sire..."

"Yes, I am, and you'll do as I say, won't you?" Simon nodded once again and Camille seemed satisfied enough by his silent agreement. She straightened and smiled down at him. "Honestly, sweetie, I need you healthy and alive for a little while longer. Don't make me kill you." Then she turned towards Damian. "Make sure that this time he stays where he's supposed to be, I don't have time to babysit him." She waited for Damian's nod and then left the room.

Simon stayed where he was, sitting on the cold floor, unable to move. He was overwhelmed by his Sire's presence even if she wasn't there anymore, his thoughts a senseless chaotic sequence that he couldn't quite sort out, his mind still stuck on Camille and the way she had praised him. Part of him knew that something was wrong with those feelings, that they weren't completely real, but he was too happy to have such a strong Bond with her to think about anything else. There was nothing else that mattered but the knowledge that she liked him and that he was useful. And, thanks to the Bond, he wasn't even aware that those kind of thoughts should have terrified him and not the other way around.

  
  


***

  
  


Lily wasn't an aggressive person. She would never go looking for a fight if there wasn't a real reason behind it, but she had long learned that sometimes she didn't have a choice if she wanted to be respected. She was petite and thin, and looked like a strong breeze would be able to break her in half so, when Raphael had overthrown Camille and she had become the second in command, not all the Clan members had understood why she had been chosen: a fight between her and an opponent that didn't like the situation had cleared things up a lot, letting everyone know that she could be as scary and powerful as Raphael.

Lily wasn't aggressive, but she also was not known for her patience or self-control. When she didn't like something everyone around her would find out and, if they were smart enough, they would do anything in their power to solve the problem and make her happy again, because no one wanted to deal with a mad Lily. 

So, when the Nephilim showed up at Magnus' loft and started accusing her boss as if everything was his personal fault, she hoped she could just put them in their place as she had done with her family, showing them who was in command and why. 

Unfortunately she couldn't just kick the Shadowhunters' ass without a reason, so she tried - hard - to ignored them, as if they weren't there at all. 

She was able to do that until Raphael didn't pull Magnus aside, leaving to them the task to keep the ginger and her folk away. When that Fairchild tried to follow them she cut her way, glaring hard just because she really, really couldn't stand her.

The girl glared back, seeming offended. 

"Let me pass. They have to tell me what it's going on."

Lily snorted and shook her head.

"Trust me angel, you have no idea what is going on here." The girl looked even more offended by that answer, and Lily took pride in that, going as far as smirking smugly at the fuming Shadowhunter.

"Simon is in danger! I have to save him!"

"You? Save him? How come now you worry so much about him?"

"I've always worried about him! And I'm gonna save him."

"Yeah, I got that the first thousand times you said that since you've gotten here, but why now? It's not like it was your worry that kept him alive." The ginger glared harder, probably wishing that would be enough to kill the vampire. "Really, Shadowhunter, where were you when he fell in Camille's trap? Or when he Turned? And why do you think we're all in this mess? It's because of you that Simon let the bitch out."

"We're best friend, you only wanted to use him."

_Uh, can I kill her, please?_

Deciding that it'll be for the better to ignore the Shadowhunter's last comment, Lily sighed and shook her head. 

"Let us handle this, you'd only be a burden."

"No way, you just want to kill him."

Lily laughed out loud, catching the girl off guard, that looked at her as if she had just lost her mind.

"Oh, please. We both know that if we  _truly_ wanted Simon dead, he  _would_ be dead. Unlike you, we're capable killers."

"And I should believe you? You kicked him out, and now you say that you want to save him? Bullshit! I know for sure that none of you cares about him."

The Asian narrowed her eyes and hissed menacingly. "You already saw what happens when you say that, Shadowhunter. I would be careful."

Ginger-girl seemed taken aback by her reaction, but she didn't step down.

"You just want to take advantage of this to get your revenge."

"Are you stupid? If that was the case we wouldn't be here, we would just wait for Camille to kill him, easy like that."

"So that's your plan? You want to stop us?"

"Seriously?" Lily didn't know what she was supposed to answer to that, because she just couldn't get her head around the news that Clarissa Fairchild, the girl that apparently had saved the Shadow World, was an idiot. "Listen, little angel, I'll tell you this just once, try to get it stuck in your pretty, little head: we never wanted Simon dead, and we will save him no matter what." The redhead narrowed her eyes, evidently not believing her words, but Lily just kept talking. " You can believe me or not, I don't care, just stop acting like a spoiled brat and try to be useful, you're not the only worried one in here."

The Shadowhunter was clearly ready to protest and probably say some other stupid thing, but she didn't get the chance to talk because Magnus suddenly cried out in victory, drawing their attention.

"Got him."

Lily turned towards him bewildered, not having noticed what had happened behind her back.

"What?!"

"I know where Simon is." He grinned with satisfaction. "Get ready, my friends, we have a little fledgling to save."

Lily couldn't stop the wave of relief that washed over her, as if a big rock had just been lifted from her shoulders, even if she knew that Simon wasn't safe yet.

"We have to hurry." She said with a frown "It could already be too late." Raphael glared at her, not really happy with her choosing of words, but she ignored him. "There's no time to waste."

"I can't believe I'm saying this," Fairchild interjected "but she's right. Magnus, we need a portal right away."

"Say no more, biscuit, I'm on it."

Less than five minutes later they were crossing the well-known purple light and leaving the warlock's apartment, ending up in a clearly abandoned area of the city, a run-down warehouse standing in front of them.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Lily was skeptical "Doesn't look like a place were Camille could ever hide."

Magnus nodded, looking certain and determined. "It's this. I can feel some powerful magic come from this building, it has to be her hideout."

"Yeah, sure, but we don't sense anything coming from inside." Elliott huffed. "Not a sound, nor a smell. It really looks empty."

"Well, it's not." Magnus snapped, irritated by their mistrust. "Raphael's blood took us here, so Simon  _is_ here, there's no doubt about that."

"Then how do we get in?" Raphael interjected, looking annoyed by their useless chat. It was obvious to her that he was getting more nervous by the moment, eager to move, and fight, and get back what was his. Honestly, even if she was dead worried for Simon, she was kind of happy to be able to see so clearly how much Raphael cared about his mate; it was enough to look in his desperate eyes to know that he would go to hell and back for his fledgling. She hoped that someday she would feel the same since her first mate hadn't been that good.

"I'm still not sure about that, this is a very powerful spell, it'll probably take a bit."

"We don't have time to spare." Raphael said through gritted teeth.

Magnus looked annoyed but didn't reply, just turned towards the building and lifted his hands. "Okay, let's do this."

Suddenly a strong, cold blow lashed them, as if a door had been opened by the sheer strength of the wind. Everything was quiet for a second, and then hell broke down. The sound of cracks and bangs and blasts surrounded them, the walls were trembling dangerously as if the building was finally getting ready to scramble in ruins; soon after followed the screams and the smoke.

Lily didn't know what was really going on inside the bitch's hideout; what she did know was that their baby was in there and they had to take him away from all that as soon as possible.

_Shit. Why is always fire?_

 

***

  
  


Simon was still sitting on the cold floor, looking dreamily the point where his Sire had just disappeared. He was smiling stupidly, wondering when would she come back, when Damian kicked violently his side and then grabbed rudely his hair, forcing him to lift his head.

"Try anything and I will kill you." He barked out through gritted teeth (and fangs) "I've being waiting for this chance for decades, I won't let a useless fledgling like you ruin my plans. I will get what I want no matter what, and I don't care if you're bait for that Santiago boy." 

Simon looked at him clearly puzzled, trying to understand what was he talking about.

Damian pulled his hair again and hissed, just to make it clear that he wasn't joking around. " I'll tell you want will happen now: you won't move from here while I kill your stupid Leader, and then I'll come back to kill you too. "

"What are yo-"

"Shut up! Just one wrong move and you'll be dirt on the floor." 

After that ominous warning Damian let go of his hair and marched away, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it, leaving a very confused Simon that couldn't do anything but frown, trying to figure out what his words meant. 

Camille liked him, she'd said that much, and he was useful, so why would Damian want him dead if their beloved Sire needed him? It didn't make sense. They loved their Sire, they were good pets and only wanted to make her happy, and his death would surely make her angry and ruin her plans. 

Understanding that Damian didn't want to follow Camille's orders anymore, he decided that she needed to know: she had no use for a disobedient pet, so he would make sure that she only had the best clan members she could have, that she deserved.

He whimpered softly when he tried to get up, feeling the consequences of Damian's kick deep in his chest, feeling his ribs protest with every little movement.

_Damn..I think he broke something..._

It was probably that painful kick that helped him regain some of his consciousness: it hurt so much that, for a moment, he focused only on the searing pain he was feeling, forgetting about Camille and misleading in some way the strengthened Bond, an instant that gave him a narrow way out the senseless and dangerous flow of thoughts he was currently in. He still felt a bit confused by his discordant feelings, not understanding why he wanted to stay with Camille and yet had thrown a dagger at her with the intent to kill, but with every passing second his mind was clearing up and everything was starting to have a little more sense. 

Simon winced and bit his lower lip when he finally sat up, and for a moment the whole room spin around him, leaving him nauseous once again.

_Go_, I feel so bad..._

He waited a couple of seconds for the room to stop moving and for his balance to come back before trying to get up; it took him four attempts before he could do it without the fear to faint or the need to puke. He was still feeling dizzy but, slowly and surely, his mind was coming back to him, grounding him to reality and to the situation at hand. 

A few minutes and a lot of useless calming breaths later he finally could push away the burning need to follow Camille's order and stay put there to wait for his Sire to come get him.

The first thing he got was that, once again, he was locked up in a room, and that this time around Melissa wasn't there to help him out, so he was on his own. The second thing was that outside that room Damian was guarding the door, and that meant that if he wanted to get to Camille he'd have to pass through him, and that wasn't good news. 

_This is getting more and more complicated...as if it wasn't before._

He huffed, kinda exasperated by it all; it seemed that nothing in his damned life could go smoothly for just a single time, everything he planned would always get complicated and, most of the times, he wouldn't even get the job done.

Fortunately for him he was already aware of that so this time around he was ready with a backup plan; he just hoped that at least this one would work out without any problem. 

_Fuck it, I'm killing that bitch one way or another._

He took his shirt off and, relieved that he hadn't lost it when Damian was dragging him, took his lighter from his pocket. After stacking what was left of his clothes with every inflammable thing he could find in the room, he lit it up without hesitations. He knew it was risky and he didn't have the certainty that he'd get out of there before it was too late for him, but he had to try; it wasn't the smartest plan, but was the only available one at the moment; really, it wasn't like he had any other options.

He waited for the smoke to fill up the room, watching the fire expand and take every single thing that touched: first the fabric, then the couches, the table and the chairs, getting closer to him every second. 

Soon enough Simon was backed against the wall, ready to put into practice the second part of his plan. He started hitting the door violently, knowing that he wouldn't be able to knock it down since every exit in the warehouse had probably been enchanted to hold against vampire's strength, and that was already part of his calculations.

"Help!" He shouted trying to put as much panic as he could in his voice "Help me!" He kept punching the wood, knowing that he was actually running out of time and that the fire was almost on him. "Sire, please! Help me!" 

The door opened suddenly and he fell face-first on the floor, Damian looming once again menacingly over him.

"What have you done?" He spat angrily staring at the fire. 

Simon appealed to all his acting skills and grabbed the vamp's boots, seeming terrified and, most of all, still hooked to the Bond.

"I don't know what happened!" he cried, his eyes shiny thanks to the smoke that had irritated them "Where's our Sire? It's dangerous! We have to protect her!" 

Damian was probably about to retort something not quite nice, but a high pitched scream stopped him. Both of them turned towards the sound to see Malia with a scared expression on her face.

"Fire!" She shouted "Everyone out!"

Simon took advantage of the distraction provided to spring up and run away from Damian, putting as much distance as possible between them before he got the chance to catch him. 

He run into Melissa once he turned the corner, and he couldn't not notice her ecstatic smirk.

"Go kill her." 

She gave him another dagger and then run away, disappearing in the complete chaos that was surrounding them. Some vampires were panicking and running around, screaming and calling out for help; others were grabbing their things while some other were punching the entrance hall trying to get away. Only a small group looked calm and collected, surrounding Camille and serving as a shield between their boss and the overwhelmed crowd. Meanwhile the bitch was on the phone, scowling and seeming completely fed up with the situation. With all the noise around he couldn't hear what she was saying, so he decided that it wasn't important at the moment, he had a plan to stick to.

After hiding the weapon as best as he could, he ran toward his target, letting all the fear for his loved ones show on his face, hoping that the guards would think that it actually was fear for his own life or for his Sire's.

"Camille! You have to get out of here!" He said when he was close enough "The fire is getting everywhere! It's dangerous!" 

The guards glared at him, probably pondering what they had to do with him, but seeing Camille's nod they didn't try to stop him.

Simon passed through them without slowing down and just threw himself at Camille, ending up hugging her waist on his knees. 

The guards let him pass not seeing in him a serious danger, and that was their big mistake. As Melissa had said when she had seen his weapon of choice, the problem with a lighter was that it was almost impossible to get close enough to the target to actually use it, but right now he was glued to the bitch, and he wouldn't waste such an opportunity. 

_ Please Go-, I can't fail now. _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was it! I'm not sure if this chapter really satisfies me, but this is want I got when I started writing again, so I'm not gonna complain, it could be worse lol  
> Thank you for your support, your subcriptions, kudos and comments, I hope you liked this new, long awaited, chapter <3


	8. I've come to burn your Kingdom down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to an end. There's blood, there's fire, there's death. And maybe, there's a little bit of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Let's start saying that I HATE this chapter, it's the worst chapter I've ever written 'til now, and I'm sorry about that. Second, I just found out that I can't write action scenes for the life of me, like, really, I suck. That said, I hope you'll still enjoy it!

_Holy water cannot help you now_ __**  
** _Thousand armies couldn't keep me out_ __**  
** _I don't want your money_ __**  
** _I don't want your crown_ _**  
** _ _See, I've come to burn your kingdom down_

  
  


_ Seven Devils, by Florence ft. The Machine _

  
  


  
  


***

  
  


Simon was scared. Despite all the crazy and scary things he'd been through since his Turning, while hugging Camille's waist with a lighter hidden in a fist and a dagger in the other, he was terrified. He knew he couldn't fail, he knew that would be his only chance to end it all, but the unknown was stopping him, making him shiver in fear. What would happen once the bitch was dead? He'd be killed right away by her Clan, he knew that much, but what about his friend, and Raphael, and the rest of the NY Clan? Would Camille's army follow her boss' desire of revenge even after she was gone, or would give up the fight and peacefully surrender? Not knowing what the future held was driving him crazy and, in that moment, that uncertainty could cost him everything.

"Oh, little caramel," Camille smiled down at him, patting his head "You don't have to worry, I have everything under control."

Simon looked up at her, taking in her dark eyes with the perfectly applied make-up and that wave of smooth, black hair falling around her beautiful face, and he remembered exactly why she'd been able to enchant him in the first place. And how she had probably tricked all the other fledglings she'd created: she was beautiful and she wasn't afraid of using all the means to get what she wanted, especially her own body, and knowing that she would keep tricking, hurting, and Turning innocent people washed away all his doubts.

_She has to die._

Simon was scared and had no idea what would happen once she was gone but he couldn't stop now, not when he was so close, not when he knew he wouldn't get another chance. Taking a deep, calming breath he opened the lighter and, making as little movement as he could and taking advantage of its length, he lit her hair's extremity, hoping it would burn fast.

For a second it seemed nothing had changed. Camille was as calm as ever, weighting up the chaos surrounding her, and Simon held his breath, waiting for something to happen, his whole body shaking. 

For a second nothing changed, and then she screamed, finally feeling the fire burning mercilessly the skin of her back. She kicked him away, turning around and trying uselessly to extinguish the flames that, slowly but surely, were reaching her head. 

"Do something!" She yelled, clearly terrified "Put it out!"

The guards rushed towards her but it was clear they didn't know what they were supposed to do and Simon took advantage of their confusion. He tightened the grip on the dagger and jumped forward as fast as he could, finally stabbing his Sire, pushing the cold blade into her heart and not stopping until the hilt touched her chest.

He saw her eyes widen in realization and heard her pained gasp, and then she was just a cloud of thin dust around him and a soft thud as the weapon hit the floor.

_I...did it?_

Suddenly he felt a strong pang pierce his entire body, making him bend forward, almost folding himself in half. He screamed at the top of his lungs, clawing his bare torso in the attempt to get rid of that immense pain. He didn't understand why but it hurt, he was going up in flames and the only thing he could do was cry and pray for everything to end quickly; he was so out of it that he couldn't move an inch when the guards jumped on him, pushing him down on his knees. He closed his eyes, not even trying to break free from their strong hold, knowing that he didn't stand a chance. Even in the grip of pain, he was conscious enough to know that that was the end, that they would kill him to avenge their leader's demise. He didn't know if he was ready to meet death just yet, but he'd fulfilled his task, the bitch was not a threat anymore and that was enough to let him go in peace.

He was waiting for the finishing blow but, as seconds passed, nothing came his way. He opened his eyes and was surprised to find out that the guards weren't even looking at him; they were just keeping him in that position, preventing him from escaping and waiting for something to happen, and that didn't make any sense.

_What the hell? Aren't they gonna kill me?_

He didn't have to wait long to have an answer for his unspoken questions, because half a minute later he saw Damian strolling calmly towards him, seeming perfectly relaxed even if total chaos was surrounding them and his Sire had just died. Simon wasn't surprised when the older vampire, with a small smirk, punched him straight in the face as soon as he got in front of him, making him gasp and spit blood.

"Camille was right, you're more trouble than what you're worth." The vampire glared at him and shook his head "Fifty years of patience thrown out the window because some stupid fledgling just couldn't stay put." He clicked his tongue, clearly annoyed by the situation. "Everything was ready, those two idiots would get at each other' throat and I would finally get what I've always wanted. It shouldn't have ended like this."

Simon frowned. "You...wanted to kill Camille? But...she's your Sire."

"She was your Sire too and it didn't stop you." Damian shrugged and then crouched down so his face was a few inches away from Simon's. "I'm actually surprised that you pulled it off. Maybe you're not that useless." 

Simon was confused, not understanding what was going on anymore. Damian wanted Camille and Raphael to kill each other, but why? He knew that if he wasn't so in pain he'd be able to think and put things together, but it was too damn hard to concentrate when all his body seemed on fire. "What do you want?" He eventually asked.

Damian smirked. "I want power, isn't it obvious? I want to be the Leader, and I was so close, so fucking close." He grabbed the fledgling's chin, letting his claws pierce the skin and draw blood. "But you had to ruin everything, didn't you? Now I'll actually have to get my hands dirty." He sighed and stood up, taking a couple of steps back.

A young looking vampire approached them, bowing to Damian. "The fire has being put out, sir."

"Perfect. Casualties?"

"Two fledglings were caught in the flames."

"Not a big deal, then. Now get everyone ready to fight, even if the bitch is dead that Santiago boy is not, and he's coming here." The boy nodded and scooted away.

Simon tensed, his eyes wide in shock.  _Are you kidding me?!_ "I'm gonna stop you." He hissed trying for the first time to get free. 

Damian laughed, amused. "You can't do anything."

Simon fought with more resolution, desperate, bewildered. He couldn't believe that after everything he'd done his mate still wasn't safe! Why everything had to be so damn complicated in his life? "You're not gonna hurt him! You'll have to kill me first!"

"Kill you? Oh no, there's no rush for that," he said smirking once again "you have to do a little thing for me first. I promise we'll have fun together."

  
  


***

  
  


All his life Alec had been told that Downworlders were dangerous creatures and that no one should ever trust them. They were vicious, sly, were driven only by their vile instincts, and would backstab even their own kind if they could gain something in return.

All his life Alec had fought against those Downworlders, because he was a Shadowhunter, he was better than them and had all the right to hunt them down and kill them, so the world could be a better and safer place.

And then Magnus came along, and everything he believed in crumbled down in front of his eyes. The fact that the just-finished war had been caused by a Shadowhunter had also helped him in the understanding of this new vision of the world were even Shadowhunters could be assholes.

To be honest, he still didn't like Downworlders very much, but at least he was conscious now that not all of them deserved to find themselves at the receiving end of his arrows. As in any other species, some were good, some were bad, and now he was mature enough to see the difference.

Considering all his former prejudices, having a Downworlder as a boyfriend was obviously something that he'd never thought was possible, but since fate had very mysterious ways that's exactly what happened, and he could without a doubt say that falling in love with Magnus had been the best thing that could ever happen to him, and he still wasn't sure that he deserved it. 

He still didn't like Downworlders, but he also got used to have Clary's vamp friend around, with his stupid jokes and his useless chit-chat. The guy was annoying and most of the time he just wanted to punch him, but at least he could say he knew two Downworlders that he didn't want to kill, and that was something he was proud of. He'd always tolerated the vampire because he had to, even if he felt sorry for what had happened to him, but now there was something else bothering him, an unexpected wish to protect him and make sure that he was alright, and he couldn't deny that it had to do with the knowledge that Simon was Raphael Santiago's mate. Honestly, it'd been a shock find out that the vampire Leader had Marked the fledgling, and it hurt in a weird way knowing that even with a Mark he still had been rejected - just like Magnus had; it was really hard to not make a comparison between them. For as much as Alec was trying to, he couldn't stop thinking that Simon was suffering just as the warlock had when he was about to marry Lydia, and he could understand why his boyfriend became so protective of the vamp all of a sudden; weirdly enough, it was the same for him. 

Alec didn't like Downworlders, and yet he wanted to find Simon, get close to him and help him get over his heartbreak, because even if Magnus had forgiven him, Alec still felt guilty for what he'd done, and helping Simon could be a way to erase some of that guiltiness.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" He heard the vampire girl ask with a skeptical tone. "Doesn't look like a place were Camille could ever hide."

Alec sighed and listened halfheartedly to their squabble; instead he looked around with slit eyes, making sure that there really wasn't anyone around ready to jump on them now that they had their guard low.

He was startled when a strong, cold wind slashed them, followed right away by loud sounds and screams. 

"Magnus, what the hell?!" Clary yelled, as bewildered as everyone else.

The warlock just looked at them with glowing eyes, letting his arms fall at his sides and looking as confused as them.

"I didn't do anything." He said looking uncertain "I still didn't know which spell I was going to use."

"Then what happ-" the Asian vampire was interrupted by her own Leader, that looked murderous to say the least.

"The shield is gone." 

Alec couldn't understand the vampire Leader at all. Why would he Mark his mate and then reject him? And if he didn't care enough to forgive him, why did he looked ready to tear apart whoever was stupid enough to stand in his way? Magnus had told him that the situation between the two vampires was a bit complicated, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know the details; what he did care about was that having a furious vampire on their side would be of great help. 

He had to shake away those useless thoughts when he saw everyone draw their weapons and run towards the trembling building, ready to fight and get the idiot back. 

When Magnus blew up the door a dark cloud of smoke hit them, making them cough and chafing their eyes. A couple of vampires passed close by but didn't stop, probably escaping the fire and not minding them at all. They kept going forward, walking blindly and hoping that soon they would be able to see where they were actually going.

They turned a corner and Alec had to throw himself against the wall to avoid getting bitten by a vampire. Bending down a bit he avoided another attack and, since she was too close and couldn't use his bow, he draw his dagger and fought with that. In the blink of an eye they were surrounded and separated, everyone busy with two opponents at most.

He got to kill the girl that ambushed him, but he couldn't do anything when another vampire kicked him from behind, sending him flat on the floor and making his ribs protest vehemently from the hit. He rolled onto his side expecting another blow, but before he could do anything Santiago had taken care of the foe, twisting his head and breaking his neck without hesitation. Alec nodded towards him in a silent thanks, acknowledging his help. Once verified that the Leader was indeed a powerful ally, Alec focused on the enemies still surrounding them. He jumped up turned around, shooting another vampire and leaving the last one to his sister.

"So, I suppose this is just the beginning." Izzy huffed, pushing away the locks of hair that were covering half her face.

"Yeah, probably." Jace frowned. "But this is weird. I'm sure Camille has a lot more vampires than these."

"Jace's right." Izzy added "It'd be easier to attack us as a group, they easily outnumber us."

"We don't know their plan, and it's probably a trap, but it's not like we have any other choice." 

"Well, Clarissa is right, we don't have a choice in this, so let's move on." Magnus' eyes glowed "Our favorite idiot is waiting to be rescued."

They kept walking, this time trying to stick together as much as they could, not leaving any opening for the enemy. They were attacked again, and this time too the vampires weren't that many and they took care of them with the same ease.

It was weird, but as they moved forward the smoke slowly dispersed, even if the air still smelled like burnt wood. When they got to what looked like a lounge, they were forced to stop in their tracks.

_Fuck._

Alec stretched his bow, arrow ready to be shot, staring menacingly at the crowd they found in front of them. With a quick glance he counted at least forty vampires, all ready to fight.

_Fuck, it's a trap, after all._

Clary stepped forward but before she could make more than three steps an amused voice stopped her.

"I wouldn't be so brave, Shadowhunter. Unless you want to see your dear friend die in front of you."

A group of vampires moved aside, and Alec narrowed his eyes, ready to kill, when he saw what seemed the boss sitting on an armchair, Simon kneeling in front of him, beaten up, half naked and clearly in pain. He tensed when he heard Santiago and his bodyguards growl menacingly.

_This won't end well._

  
  


***

  
  


Raphael was furious as he'd never been before in his entire existence. He could feel the rage eat him up from the inside, burning deep and violent, just waiting to be let out in a swirl of violence and death. He wanted to fight, and kill, and tear apart whoever stood between him and his mate; he knew he was on the brink of losing control and could do nothing to avoid it, wanted to do nothing to avoid it, because he could feel through the Bond Simon's fear and pain growing more and more, and that couldn't be a good sign.

He didn't care that in that moment he was fighting alongside the Shadowhunters that had taken his mate away from him in the first place, if that would help him get to the fledgling sooner, then so be it.

He stared with slit eyes the crowd of vampires that stood in front of them, looking for Simon or Camille, furrowing his brow when he saw neither.

_Where are you, estupido?_

"I wouldn't be so brave, Shadowhunter. Unless you want to see your dear friend die in front of you."

The crowd moved and Raphael saw red, growling deep in his throat, his whole body screaming at him to just plunge forward and get rid of the threat.

Damian - that son of a bitch - had Simon tied up and kneeling at his feet, all beaten up and almost unconscious. 

"Damian." He hissed showing his harp fangs. "Let him go."

The bastard just laughed, knowing that they wouldn't attack as long as he had Simon.

"Oh, come on Raphael, that's not the way to greet an old friend."

Before he could stop her, Lily hissed and jumped forward, trembling with rage.

"Let him go, you son of a bitch! You're gonna regret this!"

"Lily, my dear, it's a pleasure to see you again."

She hissed again, but this time she didn't move, knowing that another step could be fatal for their baby.

"Come on, Lily, you're still angry about the Bond? It was a long time ago."

"Wait, you know this guy?" The redhead clearly didn't understand the gravity of the situation, because if she did she wouldn't just make small talk in front of the enemy like that. "And where is Camille?"

Dios,  _how can she be so annoying?_

Raphael decided to ignore her, too worried about Simon that hadn't moved at all since they had gotten there. Unfortunately, Damian was having fun chatting with his guests.

"I'm happy to say that the bitch is finally dead." He said with a smirk. "This little fellow here took care of her." He grabbed Simon's short hair and pulled him until they were almost cheek to cheek. "Who would have thought that such a weakling could pull that off. I'm quite pleased about it." And then he licked the fledgling's earlobe, staring straight at Raphael and smirking pleased seeing pure fury in the Leader's eyes.

"So, Raphael, I'm sure you want your little fledgling back." He pushed Simon down again, not letting go of his hair.

"What do you want?" He practically growled, clenching his fist and sticking his claws in his hands to keep control over himself; luckily, the pain and the smell of his own blood grounded what little self-control he had left.

"You know what I want."

He stepped forward, practically snarling. "This time I'm not gonna spare your life."

Damian laughed. "Oh no, Raphael, I don't want to fight you, we both know how it went the last time I challenged you." Seeing the vampire's confusion he smirked clearly amused "You want the fledgling back safe and sound? You're gonna let my men kill you without fighting back. Easy-peasy, isn't it?"

Lily hissed again. "Fuck you!"

"I wouldn't mind that, you're as lovely as always."

She ignored him and turned towards her Leader, worry apparent on her face.

"Raph, you can't do it, you-"

Raphael shook his head, shutting her up. "I have to." He squeezed her shoulder and lowered his voice, whispering so she'd be the only one to hear him. "Kill him, Lily. And take care of Simon for me."

"No, we'll find another way, you can't sacrifice yourself like this!" She tried to stop him but he shrugged her hand off and walked forward without a doubt.

"I knew we would find an agreement." Damian smirked, evidently satisfied that everything was going as he had planned.

Raphael just nodded and stopped a few meters away, waiting his incoming end.

He wasn't scared or worried; he'd cheated death once when he'd become a vampire, and knew that this time there would be no coming back whatsoever, but he couldn't care, not when Simon was in danger and the only way to save him was to give up his life. He was confident that Lily and the rest of his Clan - hell, even the Shadowhunters - would keep Simon safe, and that was a thought that calmed him down.

"Well, it's being a pleasure meeting you again, my friend."

A couple of vampire stepped forward, probably the ones that had to complete the death penalty, but before they could get too close a tall and lean girl walked forward, crossing her arms.

"Hey Dam, can I ask you a question first?"

The vampire seemed taken aback, maybe not expecting to be interrupted by one of his own.

"Not now, can't you see I'm busy?"

"Yeah, can see that," she said getting close to her boss "but I was wondering what will happen once you kill the guy. I'm sure I'm not the only one here."

"Not. Now." He hissed, annoyed.

"Uh, I don't like to wait," now she was standing one step away from him "but I suppose I don't have a choice." She shrugged and shook her head.

"Now, Raphael, it's time to say goodbye."Damian smirked again.

"Ah, yeah, Dam," the girl interrupted again, this time smiling a bit "am I bothering you?" She asked "Sorry, but really, those angels there don't look very happy. I'm not sure we should fight them." 

"Shut up Melissa! Or you'll be the next one to go."

"Whoa, you really have a terrible personality. You know, I'm not gonna miss you." She concluded with a wide smirk on her mouth.

"What?"

Damian gasped in pain when another vampire attacked him from behind, stabbing him between the neck and the shoulder. The tall girl grabbed Simon and rushed away as fast as she could, avoiding Damian's hand when he tried to seize her.

And as soon as Simon was far enough, all hell broke loose.

If someone asked, Raphael wasn't sure he'd be able to tell what happened during the battle. He remembered fighting and killing all the vampires that tried to stop him from getting to Damian, and he was sure that some of that bastard's men actually tried to help the Leader get to his target. He knew that around him the fight was loud and violent, but he couldn't hear anything, his eyes fixed on his prey. The last time he'd let go any appearance of control like that was during the war; then he had been too worried for his family and the future of his kind to think about anything that wasn't survival, but now it was different, he was hunting and it felt amazing knowing that the fear on Damian's face was because of him. 

"You shouldn't have touched him." He said, his voice low and raspy. "He's  _mine._ " 

Damian tried to fight back, to protect himself, but he didn't stand a chance, as he hadn't the first time they fought over forty years ago. He fell rapidly under his blows, screaming and trying to run away. But Raphael had no mercy in him for someone that had tried to hurt his family and his mate. The first time they fought he'd spared his life thinking that there could be some form of redemption for him, but this time around he wouldn't make the same mistake, he'd wipe him out of existence. 

Raphael attacked and attacked, venting out all his anger, only stopping when his hands were full of blood and what remained of the bastard was a little pile of ashes.

Only when everything was over and the adrenaline had left him, Raphael noticed how hurt he was - before he'd been too focused on his target to feel the pain. He had a deep gash on his shoulder that was bleeding profusely, he could feel blood slide down his face and down his back, his fingers were badly grazed and, on top of that, his suit was completely ruined.

"Raph! Here!"

Even if he was dead tired and every movement was painful, he walked towards Lily, keeping his eyes on his unconscious mate. His second-in-command and the Fairchild girl were crouched at Simon's side, checking his condition.

"He's fine." said Lily smiling up at him "A bit beaten and bruised, but nothing that a good night sleep and some blood can't solve."

Raphael sighed, his shoulder sagging a bit; it was as if a boulder had been lifted from his heart and mind, leaving behind only immense relief, because Simon was safe, they had saved him, and he'd be alright.

"Okay, my friends, let's get out of here," Magnus said "we all need some rest."

Only then Raphael noticed that everyone, Shadowhunters and vampires alike, were more or less hurt, with cuts, bruises and blood all over themselves.

Yeah, some rest sounded good.

  
  


***

  
  


When Simon woke up he felt dizzy and had some problems to understand where he was, and when he did recognize his room at the Institute he was even more confused. The last thing he remembered clearly was Camille dying and Damian wanting to kill Raphael and become the new Clan Leader; after that everything was kind of blurry. He knew he'd fought against the guards that were keeping him down, but they had just beaten him up, leaving him barely conscious. Then he knew that there was a fight, but he was so weak and in pain that he hadn't been able to register properly what was happening around him. And then everything was black.

_What happened? How the hell did I end up here?_

His whole body ached and every single movement caused different degrees of pain, so it took him a couple of attempts before he could sit up.

"You should stay down, you're hurt."

Simon turned towards the voice, recognizing it, and saw the redheaded Shadowhunter standing in the door-frame.

"Clary? What? Why I'm here? What happened? I killed Camille but there was this other vamp and I-"

"Hey, hey, calm down." She rushed towards him "Everything's okay, he's gone."

"Really?"

She nodded and then flopped down at his side, sitting on the bed.

"We were worried," she said, and he noticed only when she was so close her puffed and red eyes "I thought whatever they did to do you wouldn't wake up."

He felt the usual need to protect and comfort her, but for the first time in a while he decided to ignore it, worrying instead about his current situation.

"How long I've been asleep?"

"Almost four days...You had me worried sick!" She complained and he just sighed.

"Well, I'm still alive!" He tried to joke, but his own voice was trembling.

She suddenly narrowed her eyes. "What were you thinking, idiot?" She snapped, glaring at him "Why do you always put yourself in danger like that? You could have died!"

Simon was taken aback by her outburst, not expecting it; he knew his friend was hotheaded and would give him a piece of her mind once she got the chance, but he was hurt so he hoped she would give him some slack until he didn't feel better. Apparently, she was too angry to wait.

"I had to do it, she was dangerous and she had to die. I didn't have another choice."

"Yes, you did! You could have told me, we could've done it together! You're my brother, you should trust me more."

And that made Simon snap: he was in pain, hurt, and he'd lost his home, his place in the Clan, his mate,  _everything_ just to help her, and even if he knew that he could've done things differently, even if she was still his best friend, she didn't have any right to complain or judge him. Since she'd been sucked into the Shadow World she hadn't cared about him enough to keep being a good friend, and they could've done thing differently when they needed the Book of the White but hadn't bothered trying because she just wanted to get what she needed, not worrying for even a second about the consequences that  _he_ had to endure, so _no_ , they couldn't have done it together.

"Forget it." He grumbled, annoyed. "It's done."

He hoped she would just stop glaring at him, because he didn't want to fight with her, he didn't want to say something that he would later regret, but he was just too tired and even if objectively he didn't regret helping her breaking Camille out, his mate's rejection still hurt and he couldn't avoid thinking that maybe, if he hadn't helped Clary, maybe Raphael would have looked at him differently.

He looked at her confused when she took his hand, squeezing it in a reassuring way, not understanding her sudden change of mood; all her fury was gone in the blink of an eye, and now she looked dejected and sad, maybe even guilty.

"I'm sorry..." she muttered averting her eyes and focusing on their intertwined fingers "I've been horrible to you...if you didn't want to talk to me anymore I'd understand it, I'm a shitty friend and I should leave you alone 'cause you deserve better than this, but I love you, Sy, and I want things to go back as they were before all this mess...I still can't live without you, you're my best friend..."

Simon was taken aback once again, not understanding how the hell she went from angry-I'm-gonna-kill-you to God-I-was-a-shitty-friend so fast - still, he appreciated it, it made him happy, because it meant that even after everything she could still understand his feelings and stop rubbing salt into his wounds when he made her notice that she'd crossed the line.

"I love you too, you'll always be my best friend...but I need time, things have being kinda complicated lately."

"You could have told me."

"Yeah..." he sighed "Honestly I didn't know how to tell you...I suppose that considering our current relationship I was afraid you would've tried to stop me or something."

"Uh, point taken." Clary smiled a bit, squeezing again his hand "Still, you could've trust me a lil' bit. You stayed by my side when I fell in love with someone that you didn't like, so I can do the same for you." 

"Wait, weren't we talking about Camille?" He furrowed his brow, confused; she was angry because he'd put himself in danger and hadn't asked for help...wasn't she?

Seeing his confusion Clary chuckled. "I will support you, even if I think you can do so much better than Raphael Santiago."

It was as if she had headbutted him -  _hard_ . It didn't make sense, there was no way she could have find out about his feelings, they hadn't talked for almost two weeks! How was that even possible!?

"Come on Sy, I've known you all my life, there's really close to nothing that you can hide from me. Well, at least when I actually pay attention to you."

Simon didn't know what he was supposed to say or do, too bewildered, still thinking that he'd just imagined everything. But she was right, he knew that despite their previous problems, she knew him as much as he knew her, and for the first time he wasn't so sure he was happy to be like an open book for the Shadowhunter.

"I'm okay with it," she continued, probably sensing his discomfort "I don't trust the guy, but after what I saw the other day I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"What are you taking about?"

"The vamps...they were really worried about you. And even if I hate to admit it, it really helped us a lot having them with us."

Apparently Clary had decided that she just had to make him freak out; since he'd woken she had been saying one crazy thing after the other, and he was too in pain to process them clearly. The vamps...worried? That made no sense, last time he checked Raphael had banished him and Lily had tried to kill him after finding out his little secret, and even if he got to kill Camille and got rid off her constant threat, he didn't think that was enough to gain their forgiveness.

"So our sleeping beauty finally woke up."

They both turned towards the door, where Isabelle was standing with a bright smile on her face. "You got us worried sick, idiot."

Simon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I've already been scolded for that." He muttered mildly annoyed, making the girls laugh.

"Well, think you can keep something down?" Izzy waved the black bag she was holding, still smiling "After all the effort we put in your rescue, not gonna risk you dying of starvation on us."

All of Simon's attention focused on the blood that he knew was inside the plastic bag, the hunger suddenly gnawing at him, making him realize how thirsty he was, how weak he felt, knowing full well that the red liquid was the only thing that could satisfy him.

Clary got up and smiled reassuringly at him. "After you're done eating, try to rest a it more, it's still early."

He had to use all his willpower to concentrate on his friend's words, forcing himself to listen and answer, but too distracted to actually focus.

"Early? For what?" He eventually asked, not taking his eyes off his food, wanting to just plunge on it and sate his burning need; the only thing keeping him in check was the knowledge that the Shadowhunters were still there and he didn't want them to see him feed, especially not now that he couldn't manage some manners.

"Yeah, it's almost mid-day, so you've still got a couple of hours before they'll be here."

"They? What are-"

"The vamps, they wanted to know when you woke up." She interrupted him, talking as if that should have been obvious. "Apparently they want to talk with you about something, probably Camille."

"What? They still want to kill me...no?"

"I don't know," Izzy pondered "You did help them by killing the bitch, so I wouldn't be that sure about that."

"Don't worry," Clary interjected "We're not going to let them hurt you." She smiled "Now eat and sleep, you're still healing."

  
  


***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go! This was the 8th chapter, and honestly I don't think we've still got a lot more chapters to go, maybe three o four.  
> Be honest now, who noticed those hints I put here and there about Damian being the bad guy?   
> I want to thank you all for all your lovely reviews, for every kudos, bookmark and hit <3\. After leaving this story unfinished for almost two years, I was afraid no one would be interested in it anymore so, thank you, really; it's thanks to you all that I will keep writing this and put an end to it, I'll try to not disappoint you ^^'''  
> As always, I'd really like to know what you thought of this chapter! 'til next time!


	9. I can't help but love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's talking, a lot of talking.

> _I can't help but love you_  
>  _Even though I try not to_  
>  _I can't help but want you_  
>  _I know that I'd die without you_
> 
>  
> 
> _ War of Hearts, by Ruelle  _

 

***

 

As soon as the door clicked shut behind the two Shadowhunters Simon was out of bed, grabbing hastily the plastic bag Izzy had left on the chair and almost tearing open the bottles he found inside. The burning need to feed was gnawing at him violently once again, screaming at him to just drink everything up if he wanted to survive. It took him just a couple of minutes to drain every single drop of blood, feeling immediately how his whole body responded to be finally sated after going so long without proper nourishment, feeling good to be at last satisfied, with fresh, new blood running through his almost dried veins. It was his own fault if he'd been so hungry in the first place and he'd been pretty stupid for avoiding food, but getting rid of that constant hunger that was tormenting him since he couldn't remember when was a relief he welcomed.

Feeling a bit drowsy, his body still sore and bruised, he laid on the bed again, enjoying the soft and cozy mattress beneath him.

_This is weird..._

Now that he wasn't hungry anymore, his mind started going around in circles, trying to process what had happened in the last few days. It was kind of annoying not knowing exactly how things had gone in Camille's hideout when he'd been almost unconscious, and he regretted not asking Clary more about it, but at the moment he'd have to make it do with what little he knew. The bitch and Damian had been dealt with, and that was already something that he was happy about, even if he didn't know exactly how that had happened. It was actually pretty strange to think that Camille was really gone and that he'd been the one to actually send her to Hell, and despite being extremely happy for her death, he still felt an annoying sense of absence and longing if he thought about her; she was his Sire after all, and she'd been right saying that her demise would affect him - still, he would gladly mourn her for his whole existence if it meant she wasn't a threat to anyone anymore.

The severed Sire Bond was bothering him, but what was truly confusing was the Clan's will to talk to him. After Raphael had banished him and Lily had made pretty clear that he'd be dead meat the moment she saw him again, he was sure that nothing would ever made them reconsider his situation, and yet there he was, shaking slightly and fighting with all his might that little spark of hope that was still burning deep inside his heart. He didn't think that killing Camille would be enough to recover his place in the family but, maybe, it'd be enough to give him at least a chance to ask properly for their forgiveness. He knew it'd be hard and there wasn't any certainty that he'd be forgiven in the end, but he missed them so much and he'd endure any kind of punishment just to give it a try.

He sighed and rolled onto his side, feeling for the first time in a while relaxed and a lil' bit hopeful; it wasn't much but it was more than he deserved, and he could work with it.

Thinking about the Clan, he couldn't avoid thinking about their Leader too. It'd been a shock find out that he was Raphael's mate and that he now bore his Mark, but he'd been too busy trying to kill his Sire to really focus on that shocking news, so now that he actually had the time to reflect about it, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to react. The pain and the frustration for being rejected were kinda obvious and expected - and he was almost used to them by now - but he didn't know what to make of the Mark. Honestly, he still wasn't sure how all that mates thing worked; from what he read about Marking and Bonding, he'd understood that there were some sort of rituals or whatever to make them, but apparently that wasn't the case. Apparently, since Marks and Bonds were spontaneous magic that worked only between mates, maybe the will to create them was good enough for it to work, without all the ceremonies and stuff that the books had talked about; in his poison-induced haze Raphael had wanted to claim him and that had been sufficient for the magic to work - and that would also explain why the vampire had been so affectionate with him. Another thing that worried him was that now it was pretty much impossible for any Downworlder to not sense the Mark the moment he was close enough, and that would definitely be a problem when he'd met the Clan because he was pretty sure that they wouldn't be happy about their beloved Leader and the traitor hooking up like that.

Simon sighed again, hugging the pillow and pressing his face against it, happy for the time being that he could stay hidden like that without needing to breath. He knew he should've been angry about it, that a non-consensual Mark wasn't any better than his now gone non-consensual Sire Bond, but he couldn't avoid being a little pleased knowing that in that exact moment he was Raphael's, that he belonged to him and that everyone would be able to tell. He knew that - if they accepted him back - they would break that connection as soon as possible, but now, in his room, alone and in the dark, there was nothing stopping him from believing that his mate had actually meant what he'd done - he would swallow in that empty hope as long as he could; after all, it wasn't like daydreaming could hurt him more than reality could.

When Simon woke up again he hadn't even realized that he'd fallen asleep, his body just shutting down and taking all the sleep it could afford. He still felt tired and different parts of his body ached, but overall he felt rested enough to get up. This time he was alone in the room; he didn't know how long he'd slept, but if no one had woken him up yet then he still had some time to have a much needed shower and put some clothes on before the vampires got there.

The lukewarm water washed away any trace of dirt and blood, leaving only clean and smooth skin behind, and when he was done and glanced at his reflection on the mirror his face looked healthier and less pale than the last time he'd seen it. He felt better, he knew his body was healing properly, and yet the two small punctures Raphael's bite had left on his shoulder were still there, still visible.

 _Is that the Mark?_ He couldn't avoid ponder.

It was weird to think that Raphael's poison was now running in his blood screaming to any Downworlder that his mate had claimed him, that they were meant to be.

And yet, despite everything, they wouldn't be together.

_He rejected me..._

Now that he wasn't laying in his bed, his hopeless daydreaming not protected by the dark anymore, it was a lot harder to ignore the painful reality he was living in. Honestly, he didn't even know if Raphael was aware of what he'd done; maybe he'd forgotten everything about that evening, maybe he didn't remember what happened when he was out of his mind, maybe he didn't know that he'd kissed him like he was the most precious thing in the world...

Simon didn't know how he would face his mate. The last time they talked Raphael had banished him from the DuMort without even looking at him, and even if it seemed that now he was willing to give him a chance to earn his place in the family back, he was sure that that wouldn't change his mind about their relationship - or, actually, the lack of it.

He shook his head trying to wish those depressing thoughts away, and then got dressed, putting on a clean black shirt and a pair of comfy jeans. When he got out of the bathroom Clary was waiting for him, a small smile on her face.

"They're here. You ready?"

Simon sighed, worry suddenly chewing at him. "As ready as I'll ever be."

She just laughed and took his hand, dragging him trough the hall and out the Institute.

_Here goes nothing._

 

***

 

Lily was a practical girl that had lived long enough to be able to handle every kind of situation life would throw at her, so it was surprising to say the least that, for the first time in a while, she had no idea how she was supposed to behave once their baby got there. It wasn't like she could forget how their last meeting went; that time she'd tried to kill him, and since Simon couldn't possibly know what had happened in the meanwhile, she just couldn't hug the hell out of him out of the blue even if that was what she wanted to do; he would freak out and think that she went nuts, and that wasn't really a good start.

She was still struggling with her thoughts when she saw Simon approaching them, accompanied by the annoying redhead. She wanted to be mad at the Shadowhunter for meddling in their affairs when she had clearly asked for Simon to be alone, but since she'd kept her promise to inform them the moment the baby woke up and was willing to let him go without a fuss, she could let it slide for once.

When the two stopped a few steps away Lily was frozen in the spot, hesitant to make any move. Luckily Melissa - that for some reason had insisted to go with her - took the lead and broke the uncomfortable silence.

"So you're still alive, _asso_." She smirked "I was sure you'd kick the bucket as soon as the fight started."

Simon looked mildly offended even if a smile was curving his mouth "I'm always happy to disappoint." Melissa just chuckled and shook her head lightly. Only then Simon looked towards Lily, a mix of fear and hope clearly written all over his face; he seemed tense and was fidgeting a bit, not knowing what to expect from her.

"Hi, Lily." He eventually said, this time avoiding her eyes.

"Fledgling."

The tension was still there between them, uncomfortable and kinda annoying.

"Oh, come on, guys." Melissa snorted and slapped Lily's head as if that painless hit could knock some courage into her "Just hug already and let's get on with it, we don't have all night."

Simon tensed even more, his whole body stiff and ready to bolt, his hands clenching into shaking fists. Lily knew him well enough to understand every thought behind his reaction, his distress and embarrassment obvious in his behavior; he was worried, not knowing what she would do, not understanding what the Clan wanted from him, and it was that evident discomfort that made her move, forgetting all about her uncertainty. She rushed to him and punched him hard enough to bruise but not enough to make him lose balance. Simon's eyes widened and couldn't conceal the hurt and dejection he was surely feeling for being hit after hoping that he had a chance to go back home; with the corner of an eye Lily saw the Nephilim put her hands on her weapon, looking at her warily, but she couldn't care less.

"That was for being an idiot" she stated firmly, and then she wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly "And this is for being _our_ idiot."

For a moment Simon stood there, frozen and shocked, but he recovered and soon enough he was returning timidly the hug, his body shaking a bit.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, his voice trembling "I'm so, so sorry..." and then he was crying freely on her shoulder, his arms tightening almost painfully around her. If she teared up a bit too, she would definitely deny it later.

"We'll sort everything out." She assured him, a tiny smile on her face "You'll be fine."

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, neither of them wanting to let go just yet, and it was only when Simon's tears stopped that they took a step back.

"I don't understand," Simon said with evident uncertainty in his voice "you tried to kill me, you shouldn't be hugging me...it doesn't make sense! And why are-"

Lily chuckled and interrupted him before he could keep going with his long string of questions.

"We have all the time to talk, baby. For now let's just get going."

Before the fledgling could step forward the redheaded Shadowhunter grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Let's get this straight, vampire." She glared at Lily "If anything happens to Simon you'll regret it. I'm letting him go 'cause I know he wants to go, but I'm still going to keep an eye on you."

Lily huffed, annoyed. "We've already been through this, angel. He's safe with us, don't ever doubt that."

"Uh, we'll see." The girl turned towards Simon and smiled "Whatever you need, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger." And after a brief hug she retreated towards the Institute, leaving the three vampires finally alone.

"Come on, baby, time to go."

Without pointing it out loud, they mutually agreed to walk at mundane-speed; it was obvious that Simon still needed some time to process everything out and to relax a bit. Lily stayed a couple steps behind, leaving to Melissa the task to loosen the fledgling up; honestly, if he couldn't face the second-in-command, she had no idea how he would face the whole clan - and especially the Clan Leader - once they got to the Hotel.

"How's Malia?" Simon asked, seeming concerned.

"She's fine, kind of. The bitch's death affected her more than we thought it would."

"Yeah, I get that...I still feel a bit weird, I guess is even harder for a newly Turned vampire." Simon shook his head, seeming annoyed for a moment, then changed topic. "So, you're part of the Chan, now?" He asked, glancing every now and then towards Lily.

"Hey, it's not bad, at least we've got a roof over our heads. And they owned me big time after saving your sorry ass."

"What?"

"That asshole used you as an hostage so your rescue team wouldn't fight back and I created an opening for them. I'm awesome like that." she smirked and Simon just snorted.

"Whoa, then I suppose I have to thank you. I'd really have kicked the bucket without you." He bumped his shoulder against the girl, a tiny smile on his mouth.

Melissa chuckled. "It was already complicated getting rid of the she-devil, I didn't want another jerk as our boss."

"I didn't expect things to go like that...You didn't know anything about Damian, did you?"

"Nope, nothing at all. Everyone thought he was the perfect watch dog, always following the orders."

Without being able to stop, Lily interjected, grimacing. "He's always being like that, trying to deceive everyone."

Simon stopped, turning towards her for the first time, clearly a bit more relaxed after the short chat with the girl. "You knew him?"

"More than I'd like to." She huffed, annoyed "He was part of our Clan. And this wasn't the first time he tried to become the Leader."

Now that she had admitted that much, Lily knew that she had to let it all out, tell him who Damian was and explain that it was that bastard's fault if she had reacted so badly when she'd found out that Raphael was his mate; she knew that only if she was completely honest with her baby he would feel reassured and would calm down around her.

"Melissa, can you leave us alone?" The girl was taken aback by the request, but didn't complain and in a second was gone.

Lily took a deep breath and started talking, knowing that if she hesitated for even a moment she wouldn't be able to speak anymore. "The first time was when Camille's vice was killed, almost half a century ago. Damian thought it was his chance to become the new second-in-command." She snorted "Obviously that wasn't the case, everyone knew Raph was the best choice, and Camille knew that too, and she's smart enough to not displease the Clan choosing the wrong man."

Since Simon didn't say anything she kept talking, anxious to get everything out of her system. "He didn't take it too well...and instead of challenging Raphael to a fair fight, he...he used me."

"What?" Simon frowned, confused "How?"

Lily signed. "Damian was my mate." She finally admitted through gritted teeth "He _wooed_ me, and we Bonded." She then spat, disgusted "You know how dangerous Bonds can be, and he wasn't afraid to use their power to achieve his goal. He threatened Raphael into giving up his spot to protect me...if he didn't accept the son of bitch would have killed me, using our link to prevent any fighting from my part..."

It was humiliating to admit out loud that she'd been bewitched by that bastard, that the idea to have finally met her mate had been so electrifying that she hadn't noted what Damian was doing until it was too late.

"What happened then?"

"They fought, and Raph won." She shook her head "But he was stupid enough to spare that asshole's life thinking that there could be some sort of redemption for him." She huffed "Apparently, that's not Raph's best idea."

Suddenly she was surround by arms and pressed against a solid chest, and it took her a second to understand that Simon was hugging her.

"I'm sorry" he whispered, his voice trembling "I didn't know...that's why you were so angry...I'm not like that, I swear, I wouldn't-"

Lily wrapped an arm around his waist, her free hand petting his short hair.

"You couldn't have known." She smiled "And I know you would never take advantage of your mate like Damian did, but I was too surprised to think clearly."

"I'm sorry..."

"Oh, come on, baby, stop apologizing" She pushed him away enough so their eyes could meet "I shouldn't have snapped like that, I lost control for nothing, and I'm sorry."

Simon shook his head and took a step back. "Why are you so...forgiving? I thought you would never want me back..."

"We never wanted to send you away." She said, her voice firm and steady "Given a couple more years to make the fuss thin out, we would have accepted you back." Seeing Simon's unsure look she continued "We're family, we stick together, no matter what. Honestly, all this mess just sped everything up. You killed Camille and protected our Leader and the Clan doing so, and now we finally have an excuse to bring you back without the others complaining that we play favorites when it concerns you."

"I don't-"

"Baby, Raphael spared Damian's life even if the bastard clearly didn't deserve it, you really think that letting Camille out would be enough to make him kick you out forever?"

"Yes, that's what I thought, that's what happened!" Simon stepped back again, his eyes widening a bit, a lost look on his pale face. "You just can't tell me all this and expect me to believe you! I tried to apologize, I tried to talk with him, but nothing worked!" he dropped his head, looking defeated "I've been alone for an entire year, thinking that I'd be alone for the rest of my life too..."

Lily was taken aback by his strong reaction to her words and just wanted to reassure him that every single thing she said was the truth, but she didn't open her mouth again, not sure that anything she would say would make the situation better. Really, she couldn't blame him; considering that until a couple hours ago he thought they wanted him dead, it was understandable that he wouldn't accept the news straight away.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but you have to trust me, baby."

He didn't answer, but she didn't mind and instead smiled at him "Come on, if we take more than this the boss is gonna kill me."

 

***

 

Saying that Raphael was tired was an understatement. Since he'd overthrown Camille his life had become more tumultuous than he expected, first with Simon's betrayal and then with Valentine and the war.

The last year had been hell, his mind divided between fighting and trying to keep his Clan alive, and the gnawing pain caused by his missing mate. Honestly, after all that had been dealt with, he'd thought that he'd finally get the rest he deserved. He should've known better.

The last year had been hard, but the last week hadn't been any better, with his poison-induced haze, the Bonding and Simon's rescue, and having to wait four long, endless days for the fledgling to wake up without the certainty that he'd be fine in the end had just been the finishing blow.

And that was the worst part of the ordeal; the physical fatigue he could easily live with, what truly worn him out was the emotional roller-coaster he'd been subjected to without mercy. Even if he had control over his emotions and didn't let them dominate him, it was undeniable that the last year had taken a toll, and now he was beyond exhausted, the only thing he wanted was to just lay down on his bed and be left alone until his body and mind didn't feel like jelly.

Unfortunately, he knew that proper rest was still far away; even if Camille and Damian were gone and there wasn't any immediate danger around the corner, there were still a lot of things he had to take care of, first of all his stupid mate's situation. He'd already talked with the Clan about his intention to accept the fledgling back, explaining that getting rid of Camille was a good enough act to give him at least a chance, and even if someone had not been thrilled about it, no one actually complained, so he counted it as a win.

Even if the vampires were kind of okay with his decision, that didn't erase his other problem: the non-consensual Mark and Bond. For as much as he was thinking about it, he had no idea how he was supposed to handle the situation, and guiltiness and worry were eating him out, remanding him over and over again that he'd messed up and there was no easy way out of it, that he had to pay and suffer for what he'd done to his own mate.

Raphael sighed defeated when he heard hurried footsteps come towards his office, followed by a short knock on the left-ajar door.

"Come in."

Stan pushed the door open, a stern scowl on his face. "I know you didn't want to be disturbed, but he just won't listen." He huffed, clearly annoyed.

The Leader pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "It's okay, let him in." He'd been dreading this moment, not knowing what would come out of this conversation, and he really wished he could spare himself what would come next, but he also knew that whatever would happen, he deserved it.

Stan nodded briefly, and a couple of seconds later Magnus Bane was standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Raphael." The warlock smiled as he shut the door behind his back "One would think that after all the decades we've known each other your underlings would just let me pass without all the fuss."

"He's just doing his job." He answered, not fooled for even a moment by the warlock's niceness, noting right away the faint glow of his eyes and how tense his body was. "Have a seat."

The man sat on one of the chairs in front of his desk. "You know why I'm here." He started, intertwining his fingers on his lap. "Now that our little sunshine finally woke up and you are again in your right mind to talk, there are things we need to discuss." He tilted his head and frowned a bit "Don't you think?"

Raphael sighed once again. "I suppose I should thank you for waiting, then."

Magnus chuckled. "I am absolutely furious with you, but I'm not that much of a jerk. I know how it feels when your mate is in danger, talking with you when his life was still hanging on the line wouldn't have been of any use."

"So," the Leader straightened his back, staring at the warlock "is this going to be a civil conversation or should I get ready for some kind of painful spell?"

The man laughed. "I still didn't do anything, did I? I'd take advantage of that to explain myself."

Knowing that that was a subtle way to incite him to just try to clear up things, he didn't hesitate. "I didn't plan any of this." He started, opting to be as brief as possible "The Bond was as much an accident as the Mark was, and if I could take everything back I would, without a doubt."

"That doesn't change what you did, Raphael. You forced this connection on an unaware person." The warlock narrowed his eyes "Being intoxicated when it happened doesn't excuse your actions"

Raphael dropped his gaze, feeling as if he'd been slapped. He knew that much, the guilt and regret were constantly kicking him since he'd found out about it, and even if Lily had tried to reassure him saying that it wasn't his fault, he'd known that the warlock wouldn't think so, and that made him feel even worse.

"I know." He admitted, running his hand over his face hoping that that would take away some of the tiredness. "I know I fucked up. What I did to my mate is inexcusable, and I deserve whatever punishment you see fit."

Magnus raised an eyebrow, seeming surprise that the Leader was so willing to submit to any penalty he'd throw his way, and at that Raphael snorted because, really, the warlock should know better; he never ran away from his mistakes, and he wouldn't start now.

"As soon as Simon gets here I will erase the Mark and break the Bond," Magnus announced "and, if it doesn't concern any Clan business, you won't go anywhere near him if he doesn't purposely give you his permission."

The vampire tensed, every cell of his body screaming at him to just get rid of this person that wanted to keep him away from what was his, especially now that he would finally get his mate back at the Hotel. He clenched his hands and took a deep breath, knowing that letting himself be let by instincts wouldn't be the brightest move at the moment. He was the one at fault, he'd kissed his mate forcibly, he'd invaded his privacy, he'd violated him in such hideous ways that the warlock had any right to keep him away, where he couldn't hurt him again.

"I would have asked you to do so even if you hadn't decided to do it by yourself." He admitted after getting his emotions under control, knowing that getting rid of the link was the only way to start over with the fledgling.

Unexpectedly, Magnus sighed. "Really, Raphael?" He shook his head "You really think I would ever forbid you to get close to your mate?"

"It's not like I don't deserve it." He retorted, frowning in confusion.

"I know, you truly deserve it, and if it wasn't you I would go through with it, using any magic I have to make sure you couldn't even touch him again," If the man noted the slightly widened eyes of the vampire at that threat, he didn't let it show "but, it is you we're talking about, and that changes everything."

"It shouldn't."

"Probably, but it does nonetheless."

Raphael huffed, not understanding where the warlock wanted to get to. "Why threatening me if you don't intend to proceed with it?" He narrowed his eyes, glaring at him "I'm the one at fault and I accept your punishment."

"Raphael, I know you and I know you think you deserve to be condemned for what you've done, but it's not that easy. While I don't condone what you did, I'm perfectly aware that you really didn't intend to take advantage of your mate in any way, and the fact that you're willing to sacrifice your own desires and keep your distance to ensure his safety just proves me right." Seeing that the vampire wasn't about to add anything, he kept talking "You made a mistake, a very big one, but I am sure you can fix this, as much as I am sure that Simon will at least give you a chance to make amend for it."

"This shouldn't have happened in the first place..." Raphael closed his eyes and ran one hand through his hair "He'll be here soon and I don't know what to do. Even if Lily probably told him that we want him back, it won't be easy to convince him that we actually mean it, especially after what happened at your flat." He sighed "How am I supposed to explain all this mess to him?"

"You shouldn't."

Raphael narrowed his eyes, wondering if he'd heard right. "Excuse me?"

"I believe not telling him about the Bond would be the smartest thing to do at the moment."

"Exactly, how lying to him could ever be of any help? Right now he already doesn't trust me, keeping this from him would wreck any chance I have to make things right."

"I don't think so." Magnus frowned "You think that breaking the Bond is the only way to start over and that it'll erase part of your guiltiness, but you have to think about Simon too."

The vampire hissed, annoyed by his last comment. "I always think about him first." he spat, trying to keep his head clear.

The warlock just sighed and shook his head. "It will be hard enough for Simon to believe that you really want him back without pushing all this on him." he narrowed his eyes when the other was about to retort, shutting him up "You're a man of honor, I know that as much as Simon, and if you tell him now he'll think that you let him back only because you feel guilty, and that's not what you want, is it?"

Raphael really wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that lying to Simon was not an option, but the more he thought about the warlock's words the more they made sense - still, he didn't like it.

"I'm not going to lie to him."

"It's not lying if he doesn't ask." and hearing the vampire's huff he chuckled "Raphael, my friend, I understand why you don't like this, but it's the right thing to do. What he doesn't know, can't hurt him, and that's what we want, isn't it?, to keep little sunshine safe and happy."

"You seem quite concerned with the fledgling's wellbeing." the vampire frowned a bit "Since when you do care?"

"Oh, well, I was already fond of him, after all this year working together," Magnus moved a hand around dismissively " but after you left him at my apartment we had a much enlightening chat that just makes me want to shield him from any more suffering."

"Then, it surprises me even more that you're so calm about all this. I was sure you'd castrate me or something."

The warlock laughed. "Don't misunderstand me, I'm very much disappointed in you, but I'm mature enough to know when things slip from our control and can't be stopped even if we want to. Still, I'm going to keep an eye on you, and if you don't fix this as you should, you better run." he finished the sentence with a smirk, but Raphael knew better than not taking the threat for what it was, so he kept his mouth shut, tensing a little under the intense gaze of the warlock. He knew Magnus wasn't pleased about what had happened and that only his affection towards him was stopping any kind of painful magic-produced punishment, and he was a bit relieved even if he still thought he deserved it. He startled when the warlock stood up.

"Well, I suppose I'll take my leave now. You'll need some privacy to talk with your cute, innocent mate." he smiled leisurely "And remember to be nice, you snarky jerk."

"I hate you."

"No, you don't." and then one of his closest friends walked out the office, slamming the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go, a new chapter! I'm not exactly happy with how it turned out, but I tried lol I really wanted to put the reunion in this chapter what it was already so long, I didn't want to bore you to much ^^''' and, tbh, I'm still not sure how I want things to go, and I didn't want to make you wait any more than this!  
> Thank you for every kudos, comment, hit and subcriptions <3 it's thanks to you that I still can write, and I'll never get tired to repeat it!  
> 'Till next time!

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, this is the first chapter :D I don't know how many there will be, but this shouldn't be very long!  
> I'm sorry if the explanation about mates is long and/or boring, I tried to keep it short but it didn't work out lol


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